Page 57 of Catching Feelings
Marissa’s already talking. “So, I infiltrated some of the social media circles over there—”
I frown. “Wait, what?”
“Oh yeah.” She waves a hand in the air. “There’s a server in Brownsville where everyone goes by aliases anyway, so they can spill the tea without worrying so much. Very Gossip Girl. Most people know who most people are, since they’re not so great at hiding it. You can really tell based on the kind of info they drop, who they defend, that kind of thing. So, I left enough hints that I was part of the Macie-Charlie-Briar crowd—”
“The who?”
“—mostly by saying some kinda catty things about Kayla, who stole Macie’s boyfriend, and defending Charlie’s really unfortunate haircut. So, they thought they knew who I was, but all of that is easy enough to figure out on their public IGs, because they’re trying to be Brazilian Bum Bum Cream influencers or whatever.”
All I can do is blink at her, flabbergasted. If I’d been scared of Marissa before, I’m absolutely terrified now.
“Anyway,” she continues with a shrug. “Standard deep-cover stuff. Woodward and Bernstein would’ve done the same.”
“Sure,” I say weakly. “So…?”
“So, then I spent a few weeks waiting for them to say something interesting. They talk a lot about who their school mascot might be. There’s a whole betting pool and scheme to unmask them. Which feels unwise, doesn’t it? What if the mascot was in the server among us? What if I was the mascot?”
“Come to think of it, I don’t know who our mascot is either…” I frown, then shake my head sharply. “Whatever. So, Tyler?”
“Right.” Marissa nods. “Well, things were pretty quiet about him, and I couldn’t figure out how to ask without blowing my cover, because anyone who was there last year would probably know, right? But this weekend, the rumor mill went nuts.”
She glances around to make sure we’re still alone. The halls are so deserted a tumbleweed could roll through them. And then she leans forward again.
“So, Tyler didn’t lie to you. He wasn’t expelled. But he was suspended last spring and asked to leave the football team.”
My eyes widen. “Why? What happened?” I can’t believe hardworking, team-spirited Tyler would do anything to warrant that.
“Physical altercation with a teammate,” she says crisply. I can almost hear the quotation marks. “This other guy, John Wilson, ended up with a dislocated shoulder. Really bad, lots of physical therapy over the summer.”
Tyler did that? I reel back in horror. He is big—he’s a lineman, he’s built to do damage—but he’d never. He’s never been anything but gentle and kind. I can’t believe he hurt someone on purpose.
Marissa’s spilling the rest of the story. The one I asked her to track down for me, though now I’m beginning to regret the whole thing. “John was supposed to be cleared to play this year, but apparently, he just had another shoulder injury related to the initial one Tyler caused. So now he’s out for the season, and people are saying he might even pursue legal action.”
I can’t speak. Can barely breathe. Tyler? My Tyler? Hurt someone that badly?
It takes me a minute to come back to myself. When I do, Marissa’s watching me with a wince. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not good news.”
“It’s okay.” My voice is distant even to my own ears. “I asked you to find out the truth. It’s not your fault if I don’t like it.”
“Well, every good journalist knows there are two sides to any story…” Marissa frowns. “Journalism is a discipline of verification, after all. You should probably talk to Tyler about it. Hear what he has to say. I’m all for exposing the truth, but I’m not trying to ruin anyone’s relationships without justification.” She winces, and I remember her start-of-year resolution to be less judgmental, to see nuance, to be the best journalist she can be. “Again.”
“Yeah.” I nod, but I’m not seeing anything in front of me.
Because if even a part of this is true… Tyler lied to me, too.
It doesn’t matter, he’d said. But how could he say that? My vision blurs, my heart racing and gut clenching. I know the shock of the moment is getting to me, but I feel just as small and betrayed as I did when I found those messages from Dad’s coworker. He’d said There’s nothing to worry about too.
Between Marissa’s news, the fight with Ryan, and the silence all weekend, I’m at a breaking point. I don’t know what end is up, can’t find my way back to that magical moment outside the diner when I’d known what I wanted and everything else had seemed so inconsequential.
I was trying to steer clear of exactly this kind of drama this year. And because I tiptoed too close to it, I’ve left myself open to be hurt by someone else who decided what I didn’t know wouldn’t hurt me. It reminds me of a night full of screaming, turning up my noise-canceling headphones as far as they would go and still being unable to drown out the knowledge that the life I knew was cracking open beneath me.
Here I am again, finding out everything I didn’t know. And I feel pretty damn hurt.
25. TYLER
After a weekend of scrolling aimlessly through social media, rotting in the same hoodie in bed, and avoiding any interactions with Ryan, I have to force myself to go to school. It’s nearly impossible to shake the self-pitying fog, but I shower and pull on a clean hoodie, at least.
Today I take the bus, burrowing into my seat and clamping on my headphones and trying not to think about the ride I could be getting from Sabrina or Ryan. I smile and wave to everyone who says hi to me at school, but I’m relieved no one tries to make real conversation. I sit through my classes and take some semblance of notes, but the only thing on my mind is salvaging whatever’s left of my life in Hamilton Lakes.
