Page 55 of Catching Feelings

“I get what you’re saying. But why did you two lie about it?” He shakes his head again. “I could’ve handled the truth, bro. You’ve been staying in my house. And all the while, you two have been scheming about me? Talking about me behind my back, figuring out how to manage me?”

I wince. That lands right in the gut. “I know,” I say. “You’ve been nothing but generous. You deserved better. But I didn’t want to do anything that would ruin this place, you know?” I swallow past a sudden lump in my throat. “I really needed it this year.”

“And did you have any reason to think I’d, what, kick you out? Have I not been a good friend to you?” Ryan spreads his hands. “I introduced you to everyone! Gave you every chance to start over! But now I get why you never had time to hang out—because you were with Sabrina, and lying to me about it? I thought you just needed space! But nope, it was just me you didn’t want to spend time with.”

“I already apologized,” I say. My cheeks are getting warm. As much as I understand his perspective—and I definitely shouldn’t have blown him off as much as I did—I’m getting a little frustrated. Can’t he see how complicated this was for me? Acknowledge that other people have feelings, too? Maybe ones that are even stronger than his? “You’re impossible to talk to about this girl! I tried, okay? You insisted there was something between you still, and Sabrina insisted there wasn’t, and you two weren’t talking to each other! What was I supposed to do?” I rake a hand through my hair. “I really, really like her, Ryan. Will you two please, please just talk to each other so we can move past all of this?”

Ryan frowns. “I don’t know what there is to—”

And then my phone buzzes in my pocket. Normally I wouldn’t pull it out while talking to someone, but Sabrina just left, and her car is so unreliable, and she was definitely upset and trying not to let on— So, I grimace apologetically and take a quick peek.

Kate. It’s Kate, for the first time in weeks. With the worst timing in the world.

Hey, she says. Sorry to text out of the blue. Just thought you should know that John is officially out of commission for the season and he’s talking about pressing charges again. Hope you’re doing okay.

I read it twice just to be sure, and my heart sinks even further.

What is just thought you should know even supposed to mean? How much time has she spent listening to the guy trying to ruin my life in Brownsville—hanging out with him while she was keeping her distance from me? The betrayal stings all over again.

Every time I think I’m over it, there’s a new wound to remind me I can still bleed.

I’ll never forget the anger on John’s face as he advanced on Dylan that day last spring, fists clenched at his sides and vein bulging in his forehead. The kind of mad that doesn’t make any sense, that can lead to real harm. The kind of mad against which I had to defend one of the best guys I know. Dylan doesn’t have it in him—he never had the aggression some guys bring to football—and John was nearly twice his size.

It was instinct to protect him, the same way I would on the field.

All I’ve ever wanted is for someone to defend me the same way. Instinctively. Without pausing, without thinking. For someone to know me well enough, deep inside, that they’ll be loyal to me when everyone else makes assumptions.

If shit with John hits the fan again… will anyone stand by my side? Will the girl I’m falling hard for? Will the guy who I consider a brother? Will the team I’ve started to rebuild with against my better judgment?

If John presses charges, it’s all over for me. He could ruin any chance of a scholarship—of even making it onto another team ever again—with just a few words.

There’s a lump in my throat that I can’t swallow down. My legs feel heavy, the long hours of my shift at the Lakeside catching up to me. So much work. So much work for nothing.

Ryan’s still standing there, waiting for me to respond, fire in his eyes.

But the fight has fizzled right out of me.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “We should have told you.”

That’s all I can manage before climbing the stairs to the guest room that I hope will still be mine. Because every fresh start I thought Hamilton Lakes was giving me is turning out to be an even more catastrophic dead end.

24. SABRINA

I pace into school on Monday with my head down and the bow in my hair definitely drooping more than usual. I’m wearing my favorite soft pink sweater for armor, but not even its magic can disguise the bags under my eyes and the lack of color in my cheeks.

“Sabrina!” A freshman on the Spirit Committee runs up to me as soon as I pass the front office. The posters of the football team still line the hall, and the sight of Tyler staring at me—stoic, but with that hint of softness to his gaze, the gentleness I’ve always seen there—makes my stomach tie up in a knot.

I fled Ryan’s house when things got tense. Just like I did when Dad’s secret came out, when he and Mom shouted louder than even my noise-canceling headphones could handle. When I knew it was all my fault, and maybe if I just kept my mouth shut, everything would have been fine.

My vision had tunneled in on Ryan’s angry face, my heart pounding so loudly in my ears, I couldn’t think straight. Just like my parents’ fight six months ago, all I’d known was I have to go. It wasn’t until I got home, white-knuckling the steering wheel all the way, that I started to breathe normally. That I wondered if leaving Tyler to deal with Ryan alone was the best course of action, and felt a little guilty for abandoning him.

So, I texted, sorry to split. What’s happening? Should I come back?

But my phone stayed dark and silent as I sat behind the wheel of the car where we’d spent so much time together. And the longer I went without a response, the more uncertain I felt in the relationship that has been such a safe harbor this year.

“Sabrina?” I blink back to consciousness to see the freshman frowning at me. “You okay? If this isn’t a good time, I can—”

“It’s fine.” I paste a smile on my face. The last thing I need is to let the Spirit Committee down. “What’s up?”