Page 44 of Catching Feelings

During halftime, I tip my water bottle down my throat to fight the battle of dehydration and rinse out the taste of sweat and mouthguard. But I barely notice the cooling quench of the water, and I find myself thinking stupid thoughts about drowning in blue eyes.

The second half is no less intense. Gabe’s using his wheels, but Washington’s defense is on him now—they’re triple-teaming him to try to cover him. But that just opens up gaps for other guys, and Kai’s hands are nice and soft today, catching a gorgeous long pass from Will. As we head into the fourth quarter, he even fakes out Washington’s offensive line, pretending to pass to Gabe running behind him—Gabe doubles over as if he’s caught the football, the offense piles on him, and Will takes off for clear blue skies. No one comes anywhere close to catching him.

I can say it now with confidence: He’s one of the best high school quarterbacks I’ve ever seen. He has that innate sense that can’t be taught, picking apart the other team’s defense with intuitive precision.

When the ref blows the whistle to declare our victory, I limp to the sidelines with no small amount of relief. I took enough hits to be black-and-blue tomorrow, but it’s worth it for the 27–0 final score. A bloodbath.

The field gets rushed by fans. Kara swings her arms around Will’s neck and pulls his head toward hers in a kiss, but it’s excited and short-lived—they break apart to grin at each other, to start dissecting all his brilliant plays. Power couple.

Something in my chest twinges in longing.

As my sweat cools and the frenzy of activity calms, I start to get chilled in the evening air. I’m still buzzing with the energy of the game, but with no one special to congratulate me, I’m ready to leave the field and take a minute to myself.

But then Sabrina and the rest of the Spirit Committee jog over, and I’m hyped up on adrenaline all over again.

She approaches Gabe first, giving him a quick, congratulatory hug. “Incredible touchdown!” she cheers, and he beams. Then Will, where she gives him and Kara a quick squeeze, frowning. Says something like, “Play worse, please, so my friend has fewer reasons to move to California.” And Kai, who keeps his arms around her longer than I’d like, which has my fingers clenching at my sides. But who am I to object?

Carpool buddies who kiss sometimes.

Then Sabrina turns to me, and her smile expands a whole other notch. I wouldn’t have known that was possible. “Good game, you,” she breathes, wrapping her arms around me.

I don’t think I imagine the way she lingers. The way her breath hitches when she turns her face into my neck. I’m suddenly certain all those other hugs were just an excuse to touch me, too. In front of everyone.

The thought sends a spark of electricity up my spine.

I pull away so I can look her in the eye. Her gaze shines with excitement, and her cheeks are flushed, and I can’t help myself. “Come to the after-party at our place?”

She only hesitates for a second before she nods, not taking her eyes off my face.

19. TYLER

When she steps over the threshold of the Thompsons’ house, though, I wonder if I should have reeled in my excitement and found the time for second thoughts.

When I invited Sabrina to the after-party, I didn’t think about Ryan.

The moment Sabrina steps through the door, he’s there offering her a drink. “The queen of the Spirit Committee!” he cries, throwing his arms wide in celebration. “Haven’t seen you since the car wash! You avoiding me or something?”

Her eyes flicker to where I’m relaxing on the couch—then flash back to Ryan. “Of course not,” she says. “Just busy with homecoming prep. Lots of fundraising to do…” She trails off, edging away.

“Well, shit, you should’ve said. Can the hockey team help? Do a bake sale or something? I bake a mean slutty brownie.” Ryan waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Sabrina ignores the innuendo—which is good, because I definitely do not have the moral high ground to absolve me if I tackle my cousin tonight—and she visibly softens. “That would actually be really nice. We could use whatever help we can get this year.”

“Done.” He hoists his own cup in salute. “And maybe we can catch up soon?”

“Definitely. Once things clear up a little.” She smiles, and I doubt anyone sees the shadow underneath.

I catch her eye, mentally inviting her to join us—I’m sitting with Will and Kara and Marissa, it’s casual, they’re all part of her crew—but Ryan is the one who plops down in the empty spot beside me, draping an arm around Marissa’s shoulder before she shrugs him off. He widens his eyes in exaggerated hurt. “You’re tough on a man’s ego,” he says mournfully.

She only rolls her eyes. “Oh, I think your ego is just fine.”

He pouts, then turns back to me. “Okay, Tyler! Talk me through how y’all scored that final touchdown again? That was epic!”

Marissa raises an eyebrow—as if to say, Point proven, ego intact—and I do my best to retell the details of our last play. But I’m thinking about Ryan’s flirtations, and how hard Sabrina and I have been working to protect him from whatever is building between us, and it fills me with mingled frustration and guilt. It feels pretty shitty to be keeping this secret when he’s hyping me up after the game, making me the star of his party. “Man of the hour!” he cries. “I bet you’re on a dozen scouts’ radars after that game!”

I work hard to keep the easy smile on my face, but my stomach’s churning with shame. Ryan’s done everything to help me integrate into his life and the social scene here, and I’m sneaking around behind his back? But it’s not like there’s anything much to tell—nothing more than a few kisses—a few really good kisses—and drives I wish would last three times as long…

It all leaves me searching for Sabrina again, the only person this year who can magically make me feel settled. I spot her immediately, as if she’s magnetized specifically for me—in a quiet corner, nursing her drink. Watching our conversation. Somehow, for once, alone.