Page 10 of Catching Feelings

I nod, opening my car door. Ready to flee this conversation. “Yeah, sure.”

But Ryan just slides closer, eyes widening pathetically. Oh no. Not puppy-dog-eyes Ryan. I’ve yet to meet anyone who could withstand that power.

Stay strong, Sabrina. I smile back politely, not relinquishing my grip on the door handle.

“You know,” he says softly, “we never had a chance to debrief the summer-kickoff party.”

Slowly, I drop my hand and turn to face him fully. “What’s there to debrief?”

Ryan looks surprised. “What do you mean? Didn’t we—I—”

“Don’t worry about it, Ryan.” I flutter my hand dismissively through the air. The last thing I want to do is talk about that embarrassing party. It’s not like there’s much to discuss other than a few too many drinks, one ill-advised moment, and then a whole lot of nothing. “We can just move on. It’s been a busy summer for both of us. You don’t owe me anything.”

He blinks. “I… I mean, I don’t feel like I owe you anything. I just… I wanted to… well, I was kind of thinking it would be cool if we went to homecoming together?”

My mouth hangs open. I won’t lie, there’s a lot to like about Ryan—his charm, his humor. It was nice to have someone around who kept things so light and sunny last year when otherwise it would’ve been all too easy to get consumed by everything dark and stormy in my life.

But the whole point of light and sunny was no expectation of more! How did he get from that party to homecoming? I wince at the idea that I might have led him on.

And more importantly: How do I let him down easy? “I’m really not looking to start something senior year—”

He hastens to add, “It doesn’t have to be anything serious.”

For a moment, the only sound is the swooshing of car wheels on the road outside the parking lot. Ryan is as earnest a golden boy as ever, eyes shining and lips curled up in the slightest hopeful smile.

But even if he’s not looking for serious, I’m afraid of what a casual thing might do to me. I’m not about to get involved with a serial monogamist like Ryan—falling fast and easy, only to move on to someone new just as quickly.

I’ve had enough of people in my life who think they can just show up for a day or a party or a summer and then disappear on you again. Ryan’s smiling cheekily, not a shadow of a doubt in his eye—not the kind of guy who sticks. Hanging out last spring was fun, but did I really let him expect more than that?

Maybe, Kara’s dry voice says in my mind, because you can be a little bit of a people-pleaser, and you don’t always tell people the real, ugly truth.

I bat the thought away, a problem for a future therapist. Because that’s not the only thing Kara’s right about. I remember our conversation at the diner, and it gives me an idea.

If I can’t figure out how to tell Ryan to back off outright, maybe there’s another way I can get him to leave me alone. I can’t run the risk of hurting his feelings and making things awkward between us—he’s friends with all my friends, and integral to Spirit Committee events, and the only thing worse than tension at home would be tension at school, too.

Ryan has the persistence of a puppy, and for whatever reason, he wants this to happen. Maybe I need to make it clearer that I’m unavailable.

“I’m actually already going with someone.” My gut twists at the lie—and the idea of disappointing him—but I keep my tone as casual as I can, opening the car door at the same time to toss my bag into the passenger seat.

“You are?” His voice rings with disbelief. “Who?”

“Oh, you probably don’t know him,” I say breezily. Because neither do I. Ryan frowns and opens his mouth to ask a follow-up question, so I rush to cut him off. “We can hang out at the dance, though! You could probably go with Olivia, right?”

Ryan clutches his heart as if wounded. Ha. Distracted, just as I planned. “That was just one date!”

“At least three, according to my sources.”

“Okay, well, that really depends on what you classify as a date—”

I can’t help laughing, though I roll my eyes so he knows I’m not interested in indulging this nonsense. “I gotta go, Ryan. Good to see you.”

He steps back to give me space to pull out of the parking spot, pouting. “I’ll be pining for as long as we’re parted.”

I wave and slide inside my car, counting my blessings that this is one of the days it chooses to start right away. I pull out of the parking lot, heave a sigh of relief, and point my clunker into the sunset to make my valiant escape.

A win: I have Ryan off my back.

And a loss: Unfortunately, now I might need to find someone to go to the dance with after all.