Page 71 of The Lost Elemental

Kai swallowed, and for the first time, there was no happy-go-lucky mask. I could see everything. Those hints of pain, rage, and betrayal I’d picked up on the first day we’d met. The fear. I could practically feel it clawing at my insides.

“It’s better if I don’t let myself care. If I don’t let anyone too close.”

“You let Atlas, Phoenix, and Riven close.” I’d seen their bond in action. They were brothers, bickering and all. But they’d lay down their lives for each other.

“He means he won’t let women close,” Atlas said softly.

I stared at Kai, a million silent questions in my gaze.

He smoothed the blanket around me, his fingers ironing out each and every wrinkle. “There was someone once.”

The jealousy hit me swift and strong, worse than any of the blows Drue had leveled on me.

Kai traced nonsensical designs on the blanket as he seemed to lose himself in the memories. “I was young and stupid, easily led around by my dick. I thought Eleanor was so delicate. Fragile.” He scoffed. “I was so fucking wrong.”

I wanted to reach out. To touch him. But I wasn’t sure it would be welcome. “What happened?”

“There’s rarely a time when a prince is unprotected. Only when he sneaks off to spend some time with his love.”

A lead weight settled in my stomach.

“I have to give it to her. She was good. Played the role of besotted girl so well.” Kai’s gaze lifted to mine. “She tried to stab me in the back when I was in the middle of fucking her.”

I reared back.

He chuckled, but it was an ugly sound. “Shit, she could’ve at least let me come first.”

I knew he was cheapening it all to distance himself from the incident. But it still made me nauseous. “What did you do?”

Kai didn’t look away. “I snapped her neck.”

“She was working with the assassin network. The ones who want anything but kingdom unity,” Atlas said. “They’d been training her to be everything they thought Kai couldn’t resist.”

“They did a bang-up job.” A muscle ticked along his jaw. “My father and mother are some of the greatest proponents of unity, of all of the elemental kingdoms coming together as one so that we can help one another.”

“And that can’t make the network happy,” I said softly.

Kai ran a hand through his golden locks. “No, it doesn’t. They were going to kill me and have Eleanor say it was a guard from the fire kingdom.”

Sparks danced in Phoenix’s eyes. “It would’ve meant war. Countless deaths. Maybe the end of peace between the kingdoms forever.”

Kai stared out the window. “It didn’t seem worth it after that. The risk. Better to never let your guard down. To never leave yourself exposed.”

My heart cracked at the emptiness in Kai’s tone. The emptiness he must have felt in his soul. One conquest after the other without letting himself care, even just for a moment.

I pressed a hand to his chest, a faint buzz picking up there. “I’m so sorry, Kai.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“That doesn’t mean that I don’t hate that you’re hurting. That you’ve forced yourself into some sort of half-existence.”

He pushed off the bed and began to pace. “It’s not a half-existence.”

I struggled to sit up against the pillows. My face and ribs still throbbed. “Isn’t it?”

“She’s right, Kai,” Atlas said. “You only show your true self to us. No one else has a shot. At some point, you’re going to have to make that leap.”

Kai’s eyes blazed, the blue and green in them swirling.