Page 59 of Breakaway
“Raiden!” The screech-like decibel of Mia’s voice causes Briggs to surge upright, his dark-as-coal eyes flying to the closed bedroom door, then glancing at me in confusion. I shrug my shoulders, unable to offer an explanation because I’m just as clueless as he is. “If you don’t get your ass out here right now, I swear on that stupid Anime collection you’ve amassed that I will kick your fucking door in!” The clicking of her heels against the floor draws closer, forcing Briggs from the bed so he can intercept the enraged woman.
He throws the door open, standing guard in nothing but his black boxer briefs, his chiseled torso on display for her greedy eyes to peruse. And boy, does she take her fill. I can only chalk my next move up to an abundance of pregnancy hormones and irrational jealousy. I hook my fingers inside Briggs’ waistband and tug him backward, then slide my hand into his. The cocky grin stretched across his face when he glances down at me comes as no surprise. I practically pissed on him to mark my territory.
“Jesus, Mia.” Raiden comes barreling through the front door, bending in half in a vain attempt to catch his breath. “You couldn’t have called like a normal person? It’s 5 AM!” His dark eyes are narrowed in frustration, but it doesn’t escape my notice that he’s yet to throw her out.
“I have called, you little shit,” she hisses. “Maybe if you’d answer the damn phone, I wouldn’t have resorted to booking the next flight out of Houston, which happened to put me here at the ass crack of dawn!” Mia stomps her foot dramatically, causing Raiden to roll his eyes.
“Righhhht,” he mocks. “I’m sure you had no ulterior motive for showing up here completely unannounced. Hoping to catch me with my pants down?” Their verbal sparring match has Briggs and me pinging our gazes between the two of them, trying to decipher their relationship but coming up short.
“Oh, please,” Mia snarks, waving her hand in my and Briggs’ direction. “I definitely caught someone with their pants down. Care to explain what the hell is going on and why you have two randos fucking in your bed?” Raiden groans dramatically, scrubbing at his ears.
“Don’t ever say that again,” he groans, as if the notion is causing him pain. Despite it not being true, I take a step forward, wanting to reassure Raiden that I’d never disrespect him like that. I might’ve made some questionable choices recently, but they didn’t involve another man’s bed. That’s a step too far, and I’d never spit in the face of his generosity. “Mia,” Raiden sighs, scrubbing a hand down his face. “Can we put a pin in this? Please? You can yell at me later. How about a hug for now?” Her face scrunches in agitation, but she ultimately concedes and flings herself into Raiden’s waiting arms.
My heart stutters, feet coming to a screeching halt as I catalog their embrace. Without even realizing it, my hand has tightened around Briggs’ to the point of making him grunt from the pressure. If there was ever any doubt about my feelings for Raiden, this moment all but confirms them as I stare unabashedly at the way he presses his lips to her cheek and whispers something in her ear that makes the two of them smile. I press my hand against my chest, certain I can feel the crack of my heart. Briggs’ heavy stare watches every movement I make, his jaw ticking in anger.
“Hey, Detective Hardass?” His icy voice interrupts their moment. “You’ve got about two seconds to get your hands off another woman–while Andi is standing right fucking here, mind you–before I smack your pretty boy face against the goddamn floor. Repeatedly.” Raiden jerks to attention, his mouth parting in shock, but I wave them both off, pretending I’m not bothered by their open display of affection.
“Shit,” Raiden mutters, looking perturbed yet pleased at the same time. “Mia, can we meet for lunch later? I swear I’ll explain everything, but I need to speak with Andi first.” A pained noise escapes me against my will, and I wonder how much more I’m going to force myself to listen to. Deciding I’ve heard enough, I rip my hand from Briggs’ and flee to the comforting privacy of the bathroom, then flip the lock into place. The sound of raised voices trails after me, and I can faintly hear Hudson’s monitor alerting us that he’s awake. Briggs calls out that he’s got him and for me to take my time, so I start the shower, hoping it’ll muffle any noise. As hard as I’m trying to keep them in check, my eyes are brimming with tears. I’m such a hypocrite, but knowing that does little to stave off the hurt I’m feeling.
I’m so sick of being pregnant.
“Andi?” Raiden implores, the hesitancy in his voice causing my bottom lip to tremble. I tuck it between my teeth, but I realize how ineffective that is when the first salty tear streaks down my cheek. “Open the door, minha luz.” I grip the vanity counter with all my might, trying to block out the sweet way he utters those words. Words I don’t even know the meaning of, but I love them all the same.
Suddenly, the door creaks open, and I spin around to find Raiden standing there, leaning against the jamb with his hands hooked in the front pockets of his dress slacks, one foot crossed over the other. He looks delectable, the steam from the shower billowing around him, causing his white button-up to grow damp and see-through the longer we stand here, staring at one another in silence. It’s unfair how attractive he is, his six-foot-one height towering over me as my gaze traces the dark stubble lining his jaw, the image reminding me of my musings from the day Briggs and I hooked up.
“That was locked for a reason,” I croak, my throat tightening with a mixture of hurt and desire.
“If you think I’m going to leave you in here, alone with your tremendously wrong assumptions, you’ve sorely underestimated the man I am, minha luz.” Raiden saunters closer, his hands never leaving his pockets, which somehow only adds to the effect he’s having on me. Like he’s completely unbothered; meanwhile, I’m a mixture of conflicting emotions. “Do you truly believe that I’m entertaining another woman?” A hint of hurt peeks through his unflappable facade, making me question the last half hour.
“You’re entitled to entertain whoever you’d like,” I respond, keeping my voice monotone. Raiden laughs, but it’s not with amusement.
“Bullshit,” he grinds out, drawing closer and closer, until my back is flush with the edge of the counter and his arms are caging me in. “I’ve got eyes for one woman, minha luz. Can you say the same?” I flinch from the harsh but accurate accusation. My tears run freely now, unable to be contained when I’m staring down the proverbial barrel of the moment I’ve been dreading for weeks. I’m going to lose him, and the others will likely follow soon after, leaving me all alone.
“Shit, I didn’t mean that. I’m so sorry.” Raiden drops his forehead to mine, our heavy breaths skating over each other’s lips.
“It’s okay if you did. It’s true,” I croak, unable to leash my heartache. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have feelings for four different men, and the thought of choosing between you, knowing I’ll lose the other three, makes my chest ache. I’m sorry he broke me. I’m sorry…I’m sorry…” I keep repeating myself, knowing it'll never be enough for all the damage I’ve caused.
“Shhh, minha luz. I need you to breathe, baby.” Raiden presses his hand against my chest, right over my racing heart, then cups my cheek with the other. He waits for my eyes to meet his before speaking. “You are not broken. You’re fucking perfect, and I don’t ever want to hear you speak about yourself like that again.” I shudder, certain that’s an impossibility.
“As for Mia,” Raiden starts, his thumb stroking a tear from my cheek. “She’s my sister.” I gape at him, feeling like an absolute idiot. His smile is pure satisfaction, knowing I’ve shown my cards and revealed exactly how I feel about him. “I’ve known since the day I met you and spent the following seven months bartering with a God I’m not certain I believe in anymore that I want forever with you, Andilyn Adams. I want to build a life with you that isn’t tainted with bad memories and triggers around every corner. I want you, minha luz. I want Hudson. And I want this baby inside your belly.” The desperation coating his every word makes my knees weak.
“What does that mean?” I whisper, needing to know the answer as badly as I need to feel his lips pressed against mine.
“What does what mean?” he queries, brows dipping low as he scans my face. I repeat the phrase he uses as a term of endearment, butchering the pronunciation because I lack the accent that makes it sound so hypnotizing.
“It means my light,” he responds softly, his thumb tracing the curve of my bottom lip. I had no idea that such innocent places could be erogenous zones. “You burst into my life during a really dark time for me. I was questioning my entire existence–my choice in career, the place I’d decided to call home, everything. I’d worked so hard to carve out the path I’d set myself on, and it seemed like all of my carefully laid plans were beginning to fall apart. And suddenly, on a random afternoon when I was feeling especially sorry for myself, there you were.
“Anytime those doubts try to grab hold of me and shake my confidence, I think about you. I think about how strong and capable you are, how much brighter my days are when I get to spend even the tiniest amount of time with you. How I’d move Heaven and Earth to erase what you’ve gone through, but also knowing it’s shaped you into the amazing woman you are, and I wouldn’t change a thing about you. When it feels like the walls are closing in and darkness shrouds every corner of my mind, I follow the only light I can see, and it always leads me back to you.”
What do you even say to a declaration like that? No words I could string together would be adequate enough to truly convey how much this man means to me, and following such a heartfelt speech, I’m scared to even try. But I can’t allow him to think I don’t reciprocate his feelings, so I open my mouth, prepared to bleed myself dry if that’s what it takes, but the words that escape me shock both of us.
“I love you.” My eyes flare wide, panic clawing at me for giving voice to something I can’t un-say. Sensing the backtracking I’m about to do, Raiden’s jaw flexes with frustration.
“Don’t you dare say it,” Raiden growls, pressing our bodies as close as he can, considering there’s a baby between us. “You don’t get to tell me you love me in one breath and take it back in the next. So say it again, minha luz.”
The way he can read me so well should be terrifying. I know what it’s like to have someone privy to your inner thoughts because you’ve granted them access to the most private parts of yourself, so they can anticipate what you’re going to say and do. Even worse, I know what it’s like to have someone you trusted with those feelings use them against you and to their advantage. But Raiden has never once evoked the fear response that Tobias did. His unwavering loyalty is one of the many reasons it’s been so easy to fall for him, so when he’s asking me for something I can freely give, it’s impossible to deny him.
“I love you,” I repeat, my voice more steady this time. “I love you, despite everything I’ve been through. You’ve shown me what it’s like to have a family, one that doesn’t come with conditions. I wouldn’t have any of this or even know any of the people who’ve come to mean so much to me if it weren’t for you.”
