Page 195 of Storm Caller

He shakes his head, tears leaking from his eyes as he moans. “Because you did leave me, didn’t you? Bit by bit, you found a way to break free. I’d built you a life in my image, and then you rejected it. You chose a different House. You joined the Storm Guard. You fell in love with a Solitude. You did all the things I thought you would never do, precisely because you were no longer scared of me. And I guess that scared me more than anything ever has.”

His words open up something inside me. I let them spread. I let them split and harden over as they form walls around me, impenetrable as a stone fortress.

“Were you trying to . . . fix us?”

He huffs, lets out a wry laugh that turns into a wheeze.

“Maybe I was looking for a way to forgive myself.” He shakes his head. “I guess I wanted you to see that I tried to be a father to you, even if I was far from perfect.”

“Thank you for protecting my secret,” I say, because it’s the one thing I can be grateful for.

“I don’t deserve a thank-you. It was the very least I could do. You deserved so much more.” He groans. “I’m glad I got to see Raine one last time. Even if . . .”

His eyes slide closed, and he goes very still, his chest rising and falling in slow, uneven shudders.

I understand that this is it. Our last moment together. After all the pain this man has caused me, I’ll never have to fear him again.

I hear shouts in the distance. Clouds rumble overhead, casting everything in the glow of amethyst light.

“Dad?” I whisper. His lids flutter, and his eyes open. He reaches out and takes my hand. My instinct is to pull away, but I decide to let him have this.

“Take care of your mother,” he pleads. “You’re the only thing she has left. I owe her so many things that I’ll never be able to give her, but I can at least give you back. That’s all she wanted.”

I nod, my throat going tight. I feel the loss of so much in that moment. The life we could have had. The pain we could have avoided. I wanted a father I could love so badly, but now, even here at the end, I still won’t get that.

If I ever decide to start a family of my own, I’ll do everything in my power to ensure my children are safe. That they have a father worthy of their love.

“I promise I’ll look after her,” I say.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I know that means nothing, but I’m sorry for everything. For what I did. For Knox. For being the reason you were afraid.”

I inhale a shaky breath. I’m not sure I want to listen to any of this, but maybe I owe it to myself to hear him out.

He looks up at me, and I peer into those green eyes so like my own. The piece of him that will always live with me, no matter how far I go.

“I know you don’t believe it,” he says. “But I do love you.”

I can’t seem to respond. I wonder if I ever loved him back.

Maybe at one point, in the way a child loves their parent, because they don’t know anything else.

I’ve hated him so much. If you’d asked me a few months ago, I would have vehemently denied feeling anything but disgust and anger for Grady Graves.

But nothing is ever that simple.

I don’t think I love him.

I think I loved the idea of what he could have been.

Maybe I could have learned to love this version of my father.

But I’ll never get that chance.

His eyes close.

His chest stops moving.

His breathing quiets.