Page 72 of Not Safe for Work

I put on some light makeup and brush my hair, deciding not to fuss with it too much. While my headache has somewhat subsided, a throb persists behind my left eye. I consider texting Andy and canceling about a thousand times, but then I think about Rafe and our kiss and the montage of filthy dreams I just had.

I need to try something to get him out of my head.

Eventually, I convince myself to leave. When I enter the living room, I spy Rafe on the balcony talking on his phone. The door is slightly cracked open, and I can just make out the sound of his voice. I turn away to leave, hoping he won’t notice me, when I hear him say Hannah’s name.

I shouldn’t have done that.

That sick feeling and Rafe’s words come back from last night. I can’t help but think of Leo in that moment. He was always taking private phone calls, too. Checking in on his other girlfriend while I sat in the dark like a fool. I know it’s not the same situation, but it still feels a bit too close to home.

Rafe kissed me last night, and now he’s talking to Hannah again.

Resolving to move past Rafe, I head for the Coconut Lounge, where I agreed to meet Andy. Is there an irony that coconut was my safe word last night?

He’s already waiting for me in shorts and a T-shirt at the entrance. Rafe wore something similar last night, but the effect is completely different, and I scold myself for comparing them. The point of this date is to stop thinking about him.

Andy. I am focused on Andy. Or anyone besides Rafe. I’d have dinner with a cactus right now.

I flash the brightest smile I can summon before we’re led to a table on a balcony overlooking the water.

The waiter runs over the menu options, and we place our orders. I’m quiet because I’m not feeling well and don’t really want to be here. Thankfully, Andy doesn’t seem to notice as he keeps up a stream of chatter. At least he’s got that going for him.

We’re interrupted by other WMCers passing by and saying hello a few times.

The date is fine. There’s nothing specifically wrong with Andy. He’s attractive and clearly smart, but I can’t keep pretending I’m ever going to be into this. I already promised myself that he would have to be worth it if I took the chance and broke my rule about dating someone at the office. And I know Andy isn’t.

Once dinner is over, he suggests a walk. I’m about to say no when I think of that suite with its closed walls and Rafe filling every corner. I’m torn between wanting to run back to him and staying as far away as possible.

I agree to the walk and immediately regret it because what could be more romantic than walking on a beach in Hawaii with the wind tossing our hair backdropped by the soft, harmonious sounds of the hotel bars and restaurants? Eventually, we stop and admire the clear star-strewn sky.

“You’ve been quiet tonight,” he says.

“It was just a long day,” I reply, giving him a small smile. “Sorry.”

“No worries.” He falls quiet for a moment, and the tension creeps between us. This would be the perfect moment to kiss if we were in a movie. It’s a romance setting come to vivid life.

“You look beautiful tonight,” he ventures, and I consider making a joke about how I know that, but I’ve done that before, and it always seems to catch men off guard. What I’m supposed to do is pretend I don’t think I’m beautiful and act like he’s the one handing this knowledge to me.

“Thanks,” I say instead, and he steps closer. I don’t move back because if he wants to kiss me, I’ll let him. I haven’t stopped thinking about Rafe at all tonight, and maybe a kiss from someone else will force him out.

Andy’s head lowers, and he brushes his lips against mine, and… it’s nice. He presses a little more firmly, and… it’s fine. This is all fine.

Wow, this is nothing like Rafe. This is a kiss I’m used to. This is a kiss I’ve experienced plenty of times.

But I’ve looked into the sun and cant ever go back. Rafe has ruined me forever.

I break away and step back. This isn’t working. The only thing I’m thinking about is Rafe. This was a dumb idea.

“Thanks for dinner,” I say. “It was nice.”

“You’re going?” Andy asks with a question in his eyes.

“Yeah,” I say again, putting my hand to my forehead. “Sorry, I guess I still haven’t recovered from last night. Thanks again. Dinner was great. I’ll see you later?”

“I’ll walk you back to your room,” he says, his tone taking on a shred of aggression that I don’t care for.

“That’s okay,” I reply, yanking my arm from his grip. “Stay here and enjoy the beach. It’s a gorgeous night. I heard the others are meeting at the Rainbow Bar. You should join them.”

I keep my tone light.