Page 42 of The Way We Swing Back

Only sort of. I’d always be better than him. Probably.

“Absolutely. You’ve had the best two coaches possible for the last two years.”

“Who? Berrios and Messina?”

I got a full smirk from Gavin this time, an indication he was done being miserable.

“Asshole,” I said, smiling back at him.

We returned to the hotel right before dark, but Gavin’s body told him it was closer to midnight, and he passed out immediately after eating a Little Caesars pizza.

Tanner nodded toward the door from his bed, and I followed him out, my eyes locked on his hair. I didn’t think I liked it this long, nearly to his shoulders. He did it to cover up those ears he hated, but really, was it worth screwing up his perfect hair to cover up a body part most people weren’t going to notice?

“Wanna go for a run? It’s a tradition when we stay in a hotel at this point,” he said as we exited the lobby.

“Are we going to have an existential crisis like we always do?” I asked.

“Probably.” His eyes said he was serious, but his smile said he was toying with me. My ears burned as I tried to decide which facial feature to believe.

“No run. My legs are sore,” I finally said, joining him stride for stride. We walked the streets for the next twenty minutes; the night was still new enough that people walked around us, their conversations coming in and out of focus as Tanner and I talked about nothing and everything.

The moon brightened as we got away from the bustle of downtown and approached—what else—a park. The night air had started to cool, and Tanner had the hood of his sweatshirt pulled up over his head, the strings drawn tight, hiding himself and his thoughts.

“Wanna grab the swings?”

“Let’s not,” I said, remembering the last two times we’d done that, goosebumps rising on my arms. I led him to the seesaw instead and sat. The coldness of the seat seeped through my shorts and encased my butt. My entire body shivered harder as Tanner sat on the other side, forcing me to rise into the air.

We rose and fell together for the next couple of minutes in a calming rhythm. Crickets buzzed nearby, hiding somewhere in the damp grass that surrounded us. It was impossible to forget what had happened the first time we’d entered a park alone, when I’d told Tanner the story of my mom, leading to our first kiss.

He was the only person I could sit next to in silence without the urge to blurt out words. I was just happy to be around him; he calmed me even more than the seesaw. Was he thinking the same things about me?

“How are you doing?” he asked, his eyes barely visible between the darkness and his hoodie.

It was both obvious and not obvious what he meant. The question wasn’t generic but about my shoulder. And my dead mom. And my no-longer-imprisoned dad. And the fact that I’d never said the words we both knew were true.

“Fine,” I said.

I didn’t need light to see his eyebrows raise, indicating he didn’t believe me. But he wouldn’t push—he never did. He let me figure things out on my own.

I decided to give him a sliver of an answer. After all this time, he deserved as much truth as I could allow myself to say. “My dad showing up at the game freaked me out. I figured when I didn’t respond to his letters, he’d realize I was done with him. But he yelled my name as if everything were... normal."

We teetered a couple more times, the piece of equipment squeaking as if it hadn’t been oiled since the ’90s. I didn’t keep talking, so Tanner took the opening.

“I’m not sure he’s smart enough to figure that one out. You may need to say it to him directly when you’re ready.”

“Not going to happen,” I snapped, meaner than I meant to.

“Well, I’ll be there if you need me to be when you confront him. I wouldn’t mind getting my say in, either.”

“Not anytime soon, brother,” I said.

Time to change the subject. The one topic with Tanner I had avoided for over a year and the one I should’ve had months ago.

“Listen, dude.”

“Yeah?”

“I... I never actually apologized to you.”