Page 54 of Finding Home

Beth bit her bottom lip. “Kayla would tell me to accept the position. She graduates from culinary school next spring. All this time, I’ve been telling her to go wherever the opportunities are. Don’t stay in Sapphire Bay just for me. Don’t limit yourself.” She lifted her eyes. “And here I am, doing exactly what I told her not to.”

“Which is?” Julie asked.

“Talking myself out of something before it’s started.”

Julie leaned forward. “Do you want the position?”

The question sat between them.

“I’ve wanted something like it for years,” Beth said eventually. “But when Jessie died, I had Kayla to raise and Ryan checking in every week to make sure we were coping. There wasn’t much room to think about what I wanted. You just do what needs doing. And then you keep doing it, because that’s who you’ve become. And now there’s a job that’s everything I’ve ever wanted, and I can’t make myself say yes.”

Julie studied her friend’s face. “From where I’m sitting, you’d be perfect. What are you afraid of?”

Beth looked at her. “That I’m not good enough,” she whispered.

Julie placed her hand on Beth’s. She knew how that felt. “I thought the same thing about being an investigative journalist. Sometimes, we place too much pressure on ourselves. We expect more from ourselves than we’d expect from others.” Julie looked into her friend’s eyes. “Do you think Natalie came to you randomly?”

Beth shook her head. “No.”

Julie tilted her head. “So, someone who’s a famous painter and has had exhibitions around the world, looked at what this position needs and decided you were the right fit.” Julie picked up her coffee. “That doesn’t happen often. Maybe you should give Natalie more credit for knowing what will make their center successful.”

“It’s not confirmed,” Beth reminded Julie.

“No,” she said. “But it’s real. The offer is real.”

Beth was quiet for a moment. Then she said, “You’re doing that journalist thing again.”

Julie frowned. “What journalist thing?”

“Making me think about a problem from a different angle instead of giving advice.” The corner of Beth’s mouth lifted. “You would have made a good therapist.”

Julie laughed. “I would have made a terrible therapist. I have no patience for people who already know the answer to every issue in the world.”

It was Beth’s turn to laugh. It was a real laugh, the kind that started somewhere unexpected and took a moment to wind down.

“There’s a meeting next week,” Beth said. “With Natalie and a couple of the people involved with the funding application. They want Natalie to tell them more about the project.”

“Are you going?” Julie asked.

“I think I have to.” Beth looked at the table. “Even if I decide it’s not right for me, I need to stop wondering.”

Julie thought about Daniel and Meg on the Zoom call. The way she’d sat in front of the screen that evening and said things she’d been carrying for years, and how saying them had changed their weight and made them easier to live with.

“Will you come with me?” Beth asked. “To the meeting.”

“I’d love to,” Julie said without hesitation.

Beth exhaled. “That’s wonderful. Thank you.”

They stayed at the table for another twenty minutes, talking about Kayla’s program and whether the arts center would need a commercial kitchen, and whether Laurel had heard about the plans yet. The conversation grew easier as it moved. By the time they stood to go, Beth had her coat back on before Julie had even found her scarf.

They stood on the edge of the sidewalk, hugging each other tight.

Julie stepped back and held her friend’s hand. “Promise me you won’t sell yourself short. You can do whatever you set your mind to.”

Beth nodded. “I promise.”

“Good,” Julie said. “And if you ever need positive reinforcement, give me a call. You’ve got this.”