Page 73 of Sugar & Shadows

“I’ve known for a long time that you—” I winced and huffed a breath. “That you have feelings for me. And instead of being honest and telling you I didn’t share those feelings, I avoided the conversation altogether.”

She took a step back, lifting her chin. “Wow. Okay. I just⁠—”

“You’re fantastic, Stella,” I rambled on. “But there is no romantic future here. Not because you aren’t amazing. Because you are. I admire and appreciate you. But—but,” I stumbled. “Because I don’t feel that way about you.” I ran my hands through my hair. “And I think I have, um, feelings for someone else.”

The way her body tensed made me hate myself even more.

“I have no chance with her. It’s not like that. But it has made me realize that I needed to talk to you.”

After an excruciating silence, she inhaled and responded softly. “I’m an idiot.”

Internally, I slapped myself. “No.”

She shook her head. “I am. I’ve been telling myself that the timing was wrong, or that you weren’t ready yet. For so long, I put you on a pedestal.”

I opened my mouth, but no words came out.

She let out a dry laugh. “I’ve spent years thinking you were this amazing, spectacular guy, but now I see it. You’re emotionally shallow. And kind of coward.”

I blinked but otherwise kept my reaction in check. I deserved that. Every people-pleasing cell in my body was screaming to take it all back, to smooth things over and fix this.

But she kept talking.

“I wish you’d just been honest. I’m almost thirty. I can handle it. You’re not the first dude to tell me I have no shot.” She pushed her hair behind her ears.

“Stella—”

She held a hand up. “I’m good.”

“Ruby mentioned you weren’t dating, and I—I hope you weren’t waiting”—I cringed—“for me.”

Her eyes widened, but this time there was anger there.

“Of course I’m not dating. Because there isn’t a single dateable man in this town.” she scoffed. “Please don’t confuse my lack of options with desperation.”

“Sorry.” I was digging my own grave here. “Just… know that I’m sorry. I let things go on because it made my life easier. Which is pretty shitty.”

“Epically shitty,” she said.

I absorbed the retort. Once again, I deserved it. “Can we be friends?” I asked.

She looked me up and down.

“Normally I’d say yes, because Stella Stone is friendly and kind,” she said, her eyes narrowing, the fury on her face so unnatural.

“But no. Because friends are honest with each other. But you led me on. And that’s just selfish.”

Dipping my head, I nodded. “I’m so sorry.”

“I accept your apology,” she said firmly. “But I’m leaving now. Have the night you deserve.” In one fluid move, she turned on her heel. Then she strode out the door.

I slumped into the one remaining folding chair, running my hands through my hair.

I’d spent a lifetime being desperate to be liked, never wanting to let anyone down. Yet that’s exactly what I’d just done. Defeat flooded me. But at least I’d been honest. It had probably cost me a friend, but I couldn’t keep doing this. Keeping everyone happy and placated. Denying what I wanted in service of the rest of the world.

I had to make the hard choices, and I would live with the consequences. I’d be honest and brave. Even when it made me feel like shit.

Chapter 20