Page 9 of Tracking Wolfe

Which was ridiculous. We’d only been seeing each other for four months when he’d dropped the L-word last week. Surely, four months wasn’t long enough to know you loved someone.

“I don’t need to move somewhere to meet a decent man, Trace,” he continued, his voice ragged. “I already found the one I want.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Did.”

I stirred the chocolate packet into his mug and handed it to him. “Sit.”

He immediately dropped into a chair at my kitchen table and took the mug with a grunt. I turned back to fix my tea.

After a moment, I felt his eyes on my back. “Why are you so scared of intimacy?” he asked.

“I’m not.”

“You are. As soon as people get close to you, you shut down.”

I slid the carton of milk back in the fridge and brought my tea to the table. The warmth against my hands wasn’t nearly as effective as I’d hoped. “You’re lashing out,” I said more calmly than I felt. “Don’t pretend you know about my previous relationships.”

He scoffed. “What relationships? You’ve been living in this area for years, and the longest you dated someone before me was a few months.”

“How do you even know that?” It wasn’t like he lived in Legacy. Joliet was thirty minutes from here. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. I’ve been busting my ass with SERA the past few years. There was hardly time for a relationship.”

He eyed me over his mug as he took the first tentative sip. When he set the mug down, he tilted his head. “I think you’re in love with Derek Marian.”

I barked out a laugh, the sound loud and unexpected in my quiet kitchen. “I’m definitely not.”

Patrick pressed his lips together in frustration. “Fine. Jude, then. And who could blame you? He’s hot. And sweet. And famous.”

I glanced up at the ceiling for a beat. “He’s all those things. He’s also a good friend. They’re both good friends. And I don’t want either of them.”

The truth was much more disgusting.

Because there was, in fact, a Marian I wanted. But he was jailbait. Or… he might as well have been when I’d first looked at him that way.

Wolfe Marian had been twenty-four when I’d first seen him as a man. As someone I wanted.

I closed my eyes and tried to get over the revulsion of it. Of wanting someone so incredibly inappropriate and young.

He’s thirty fucking years old now, the devil on my shoulder reminded me.

The devil on my shoulder was a horny bastard, always trying to make the argument for why it would be okay to pursue a man nearly seventeen years younger than me.

I’d gotten very good at ignoring him. Present company excepted, of course.

“You get weird every time you talk about them,” Patrick said petulantly. “I thought they were practically family to you.”

“Practically,” I agreed. “The Marians have been in my life a long time. Derek was the one who gave me a chance when my parents kicked me out. He got me a job with the security firm who sent me to SaR training. They invested in SERA so I could start a decade sooner than I planned. I owe Derek everything. Without him…” I couldn’t even imagine where my life would have ended up. In the gutter, most likely.

“Anyway,” I continued. “I do love the guy, but I’m not in love with him.” I rubbed my chin before adding gently, “And I’m not in love with you either. I’m sorry, Patrick.”

Another tear trailed out of one of his eyes, and my heart squeezed. He was such a nice guy. A softie and a sweetheart. He reminded me a little bit of Wolfe with his tender heart and his energetic youth. And maybe that’s why I’d been attracted to him in the first place, even though he wasn’t at all like Wolfe physically.

“Give us more time,” Patrick pleaded. “So I said the L-word too soon. I take it back. Let’s just keep seeing each other like we were.”

I repeated what I’d told him earlier in the week. “Even if I wanted to continue trying, I don’t have time to give you what you need right now. My next student cohort arrives tomorrow, and it’s an intensive winter search and rescue session. I’m going to be in the backcountry for several weeks after the classroom work.”

“I can wait.”