Page 50 of A Burning Rage

As night falls on the second day of our vigil, I slip into the bathroom to get myself ready for sleep. When I come out, Cooper already has my recliner transformed into a bed. “Thanks, Cooper.”

He brushes off my gratitude. “No need to thank me, sugar.”

Before I lie down for the night, I lean over Shane’s bed and gently stroke his forehead. “I’m here, Shane. I’m right here.” My throat tightens as I lean down to kiss his forehead. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

* * *

That night, I dream that Shane and I are at the Lincoln Park Zoo with our kids. Luke is riding on Shane’s shoulders—only this Luke is probably a couple of years older. And I’m pushing a double stroller. Ava is sound asleep in the stroller—only this Ava is also a bit older. She looks to be around four. The second seat in the stroller is empty.

It’s a beautiful day, and the weather is perfect for a family outing. Luke is chatting away, pointing out the animals we pass.

I look ahead of us and notice a brown-haired toddler rushing away from us. He can’t be much more than two years old.

“That’s far enough, Wyatt,” Shane says with a gentle warning.

Wyatt?

The little boy stops in his tracks and turns back to us, flashing a big grin. His bright blue eyes glitter with excitement. He runs back toward us, heading right for Shane. When he reaches Shane, he raises his arms up, asking to be picked up.

Laughing, Shane sets Luke on his feet and picks up the little boy and settles him on his hip. When I see the two of them, side by side, my breath catches.

The same hair. The same bright blue eyes. Their faces have the same shape.

Shane kisses the top of the little boy’s head.

It’s a boy.

I’m going to have a boy.

Luke walks ahead of us, excitedly pointing to a large outdoor exhibit. “Look, Mama, elephants!”

The child in Shane’s arms wriggles until Shane sets him on the ground. Then the little boy races up to Luke and reaches for Luke’s hand. The two boys walk on together, holding hands.

Shane lays his arm across my shoulders. “Luke and Wyatt remind me of myself and Jamie at that age.”

Wyatt.

A boy.

We’re having a boy.

I wake with a start in a dark room, and it takes me a moment to orient myself. The only sounds I hear are the familiar noises of the machines keeping track of Shane’s vitals. I can tell it’s still early yet. The sun hasn’t risen.

I lay my hand on my belly and remind myself it was just a dream, and I shouldn’t read anything into it.

“You all right, sugar?” Cooper asks me, his voice low and rough from sleep. He’s stretched out on the sofa across the room.

“Yes. I had a dream, and it woke me up.”

“I hope it was a good dream.”

“The very best.” I smile at the lingering memory of that little boy with brown hair and bright blue eyes. “I dreamt Shane and I are having a boy.”

Cooper chuckles. “Aiden will be glad to hear that.”

I smile, thinking about how my nephew Aiden keeps track of how many boys and girls have been born into the family. The girls are currently leading—five to three—and he’s hoping for more boy babies to even the count. If Annie and I both have boys, then the genders will be tied.

I lay my hand on my belly and envision a little version of Shane. With a smile on my face, I manage to fall back to sleep for a few more hours.