Page 104 of Left In The Dark

“I . . . I’m not supposed to say his name. I haven’t earned that right.” Oh, he’s too good, and I’ll have to reward him in a big way for it later. I don’t like that he hurt himself for me again, but I can’t be too mad when he came up with what might be the solution to all our problems. He came up with this all on his own. He’s a lot smarter than anyone’s ever given him credit for. Myself included. He really is capable of so much.

“It’s okay. Maybe when we’re far away from here you’ll feel better about telling me.”

“You’re going to take me out of here?”

“We are,” Hector says, towering over me. “You’re safe now.”

“Safe.” He tests the word out and I nod, reaching my hand out to him, and he doesn’t flinch from me this time or kick his feet.

“Yes, you’re safe. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

His lips curl into a little smile, and Hector frees his feet while I untie his hands, doing my best to tell him with my eyes what my words can’t at the moment. His are sparkling back at me, giving me the confirmation I need that he got the message loud and clear.

He tries to stand and his knees buckle, but before he can hit the ground, I catch him, lifting him swiftly into my arms. I hold him tight as I follow Hector up the stairs, and when I’m sure no one’s looking, I whisper in his ear so that he doesn’t only see it but hears it too. “I want you.” He smiles a little and then closes his eyes, his face relaxing as I carry him to the ambulance truck.

Hayden had no idea what he was talking about when he said Blake never wanted me back. I showed him how much I wanted him yesterday and this is him showing me now.

Thirty-Seven

Blake

It’s been weeks since I’ve seen Logan. I can’t stop thinking about him or us. He said we needed to hang low for a bit, and I’m trying. It’s hard when this town is so damn small and I see him almost everywhere. When I don’t see him, I hear his name. Leaving the house has been hard but my dad says it’s good for me. As if he could really know what is and isn’t.

There are so many people everywhere and they’re always looking at me. Some shoot me nasty looks, calling me a liar. There are rumors going around that I wanted to be where I was. Because Hayden and I had dated before, so to them that means everything that happened between us must’ve been consensual.

“It was some kinky shit they did,” someone from our old friend group told the cops.

They all kept contradicting my statements. I didn’t stop telling my side to people no matter what they said. I’ll keep doing it until Hayden is properly charged and locked the fuck away. He didn’t kidnap me, but he’s done a lot of awful shit that should have landed him in jail plenty of times. It’s harder to look the other way when it comes to a kidnapping charge. It doesn’t matter who your dad is and how respected your family name is. He wasn’t only arrested because of me. They found drugs all throughout the house.

He and Logan’s dad pretty much took over the whole place once his grandpa was placed in an assisted living facility. Squeezing the handle clutched between my fingers, I collect stuff in the handheld basket, taking out the money my mom gave me when I reach the register. I’m short by a dollar so I put one thing back, keeping the brownies and hot chocolate. They were things that made me feel like I was with him when I couldn’t be.

“Okay, got it taken off. You should have enough now.” She totals me out and hands me my change, smiling.

I smile back, putting the coins in the nearby jug. “Thanks,” I say, taking my bag.

“No problem. Have a good day.”

“You too.” I exit the store, stopping when I see Logan loading groceries into an older lady’s trunk.

I walk all the way outside, my feet halting again when she gets in her car and leaves. Look my way. Please look my way. Let me know you still want me. He looks everywhere but in my direction, smiling down at his phone. He looks happy. How can he be when I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest? I can’t eat or sleep.

I’ve lost so much weight since being back in my house, and I move around like a zombie most days. My dad wants me to go back to work, and it’s one of the reasons my mom keeps arguing with him. She doesn’t think I’m ready. I avoid him as best I can, but he’s been coming home from work early these last few weeks, joining us for dinner when he never used to before.

Logan still doesn’t look at me when I pass him by. I hit the button on my key fob and his attention stays on whatever he’s looking at on his screen. My heart sinks, and when I’m in my car, I bury my face in my arms, not moving again until my sleeve is drenched in my tears.

I hate it here. I don’t want to be here. The only place I want to be seems so far away now. I curl in on myself on my mattress. I laid it on the floor last night, tying a rope from the frame of the bed to my ankle. I wanted to recreate what I had with him, but it didn’t work. I thought it would help me get some sleep, but all it did was remind me of what I no longer have. No one ever wanted me like him. No one ever put forth so much effort for me before. No one ever made living so easy before either.

I don’t know how to be anymore. No one’s nodding my way to confirm if the choice I’m making is the right one or not. I didn’t think my plan would keep me away from him for so long and now I regret it. I hug my blanket, lifting my knees and crying into my hands. How am I supposed to go on like this? I don’t think I can. He said a few weeks and it’s been that.

Watching the door gets me nowhere either, because back at the barn there was at least a chance that Logan could walk through it and there’s zero chance here. Someone knocks on my door and I don’t bother looking up or asking who it is. My sister and mom are worrying about me too much.

My dad thinks they’re babying me. He’s back to calling me useless and saying it was my fault I was taken. He thinks I went there willingly to run away from my responsibilities. Only I never went where he thinks I did, and it wasn’t my choice to be where I originally was. Not until it was my choice. It was nice not to have so much pressure put on me, though. I was able to simply be without feeling like it wasn’t enough. Does he see me as a burden the way my dad does after having to nurse me back to health for so long?

All this time apart is making him realize he doesn’t really want me, isn’t it? He’s had too much time to think about it. He regrets me, doesn’t he? It’s the only explanation as to why he isn’t trying to see me sooner.

My mom suggests I try therapy after two more weeks go by and not much changes. I avoid all the stores and restaurants he goes to, limiting my options. No one ever asks me to go anywhere with them anymore anyway, so it makes it easier. I really did have nothing to come back to.

“You still with me, Blake?” Dr. Mills says, his face taking up more of my laptop screen.