Page 55 of Bad Intentions

This time, her smile is strong and reassuring. The tables have turned, and now I’m bawling, and she’s parenting.

“What happened to you back in Pittsburgh is just a small misstep,” she says.

“Yeah, okay.” I sniffle.

“You know, the scariest thing I did as a teenager was ‘whip-it.’”

“What’s that?”

She chuckles. “When you crack a can of whipped cream and huff the gas.”

“Oh, gosh.” I roll my eyes.

“Yes. That used to be a thing. So I did it once, hopped on a dirt bike, and drove straight into a tree.” Her chest shakes in silent laughter. “Could’ve died. Told myself I’d never try anything like that again. These days, the scariest thing is not even the bad stuff you get into, drugs or whatnot, but how thousands out there, online, in that invisible world, will spin it. And oh, can they spin it when they hide behind their screens. Some people thrive on others’ failure.”

I nod. That sums up what happened to me.

“You think you are an old soul, Josie,” Grandma goes on, “and you went through a lot and you won’t make it to your forties and will never grow old. Trust me, everyone thinks that way when they are young. Truth is, life is long. That’s the beauty of it. It comes with tragedies and loss but also with many beautiful things that you’ll be grateful for. You haven't lived your best days, Josie. Haven't tried the best food. Haven't traveled to your dream destinations. You have so much more to see. So much more, sweetheart. More importantly, you haven't yet met the people you will love with all your heart.”

I sniffle again. “I love you, Grams."

“I’m your grandmother, Josie,” she says with humorous reproach. “I’m talking about the people who will stand side by side with you in life. Do life with you. People you won't be able to imagine your life without. People you’ll live for.”

My chest burns. It shakes as I try to suppress sobs.

She covers my hand with hers. “You are a grown-up. And a smart one. And I’m so proud of you.”

I sniffle. “Yeah, I don’t think so, Grams. Look at me.” I laugh through tears. "When I left for Pittsburgh, I thought I’d be free to live the way I choose, but then… I realized it was my job now to parent myself, and I didn't know how to. When it came to important things, work, life, challenges, problems, you did that for me. And suddenly I was so cool on my own, but I didn’t know how to do all that. Adulting sucks.”

“You are doing a great job, honey. Ups and downs. Living it up and being—what’s that stupid word? Canceled, yes. Believe me, you can start fresh after being canceled. You can start fresh after anything. Prison, death of loved ones, devastating losses. One day, you’ll look back and say thank you for all that happened, because somehow, that led you to your favorite person in the whole world, your favorite place, a dream job. We all have shadows. Often, there’s the shadow of our family’s past. We can either run from it or embrace it and learn to run with it. That, sweetheart, makes all the difference in life. Life is a jigsaw puzzle. Only when plenty of pieces click into places do you start seeing the beginning of the full picture.”

“I feel like I’m stuck, Grams.”

“Stuck happens, Josie. Sometimes, it takes a while.”

“What if there are missing pieces to the puzzle?”

Grams exhales with annoyance. “Don't be—what's that popular phrase today?”

I frown. “What phrase?”

“Don’t be a Karen,” Grandma says, and it takes a moment before both of us burst out laughing.

“Screw what they say,” I respond, grinning through tears.

“That's the spirit. That’s the spirit.” Grandma squeezes my hand with hers.

Tears burn my eyes again, and I cover her hand with my other hand, feeling her warm bony fingers wrapped in mine.

“You are the best, Grams.”

My grandmother is my hero, and there aren’t that many of them in this town.

“I should go to work,” I finally say, and she nods, that easy smile back on her face.

I go to the bedroom, change into fresh clothes, then pick up my phone. What I’m about to do is not smart, considering the police are tracking the phone number that’s been texting me. But this is the only way to lure the stranger out of his hiding place.

I send a text to the “Unknown.”