Page 83 of Break Me Not

“I know you want to fuck my mom, but can you be a little less obvious about it?”

I jerked back in shock at her words. What?

“I don't want to fuck⁠—”

“Okay, you're a shit liar, so let's not try, okay?” She narrowed her eyes at me and started waving her finger at me like she was pointing out every one of my individual flaws. “I know you like older women. I knew you were attracted to her the first time you saw her back in college—it wasn’t hard to tell. And yes, I saw the way you looked at her back at the gallery and now too. I don't want you to make her uncomfortable.”

“I—”

“If the next words out of your mouth are not, Claire, my friend, I'm sorry for making your mom uncomfortable, I don't want to hear it. You’re about two more weird lingering looks away from me setting you up with someone I know.”

I slammed my mouth shut and looked down at my coffee. This was my chance. Right now, while Liz was gone, I could tell Claire everything.

But then she would have to deal with the mess when she came back. The whole reason I came here to talk to Claire alone was so I would take the blame.

Claire had kind of opened the door, but it wouldn’t be fair for Liz to be here for the fallout. I knew she would try to save Claire's and my relationship if it came to that, somehow twisting it to be liable for all of it. Because as much as she said she was being selfish, she was the most selfless person I knew.

“Sounds like it makes you more uncomfortable than it does her,” I replied, trying to channel my normal carefree attitude. “I have to admit she is pretty hot though.”

Claire made a face of disgust.

“Gross. Plus, she would eat you alive.”

Yes, she would. And she fucking does. And I love eating her too. Just one of the many things I loved so much about her.

My heart slammed in my chest. My breath felt like it was sucked from my lungs. Panic slowly started creeping up the back of my neck.

I love Liz.

I loved her so much that I was willing to do this for her—to possibly throw away my only friendship so she wouldn't have to deal with whatever implications came from this. But more than that, I wanted her to live a life without the pain and the sorrow I knew she was feeling now.

She deserved it. She deserved someone who put her first.

But even though it felt like love to me… If there was a chance of this ruining their relationship, should I still do it? Should I tell her about us? I might lose Claire, and Liz might lose the child she loves so much.

So, even though I had worked myself up to tell Claire, the words wouldn’t come.

Would it be that bad if she never knew?

Can we keep it a secret forever?

But how could I?

I loved Liz. And I wanted to show her the life she could have with someone who adored her. A life I would happily give her. And yes, it included marriage. It included being out and proud about who we were. Telling everyone she was mine and that she would always be.

How could I do that if I kept her—us—a secret?

But how could I come between them?

Liz came back as her daughter and I were having a stare-off of sorts. Claire seemed to be… analyzing me. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, and I hoped my thoughts weren’t written all over my face.

I gave Liz a quick smile as she sat down.

“Everything okay?” I asked out of habit. Shit.

She nodded and then looked at her daughter. “Just Stefan being annoying about a buyer I was unwilling to sell to. He was trying to convince me to let them come back in, and I was telling him I’m busy. It’s not important enough to take me away from this.”

At that, it was my turn for my phone to ring. A text from the head of Liz's team. Emerson. At least two other clients. All of it at the same time, like it was arranged or something.