Page 79 of Break Me Not

And now that we had started going out on dates… I was loving it.

More than that, I was getting comfortable with her. More comfortable than I ever thought I would allow myself to.

Which was why I could tell there was something going on with Jax. She’d been coming home later since that first date. I didn't really chalk it up to much—except that she was stressed. She was really good at covering it up, but I could see that whatever it was was weighing on her. The bags under her eyes were getting extremely dark.

“Do you want to go to bed early?” I asked.

Her head swiveled in my direction.

“No, why? You don't like this?” A slight smile pulled at her lips. “Or is it that you want round two? Or is this technically three? Four?”

She’s not getting away with it that easily.

“You're tired.” I sat up and brought my hand to her face, my thumb tracing her eye bags. “Is it work?” I asked in a whisper.

“Um… sort of. I⁠—”

I leaned over and grabbed the remote so I could turn off the TV.

“There. You have my full attention.”

I could've sworn that her eyes filled with tears.

“Work is… busy. My friend got into some shit with her deadbeat father last week, and now she’s… in the hospital.”

I gasped. “Oh my God. Is she okay?”

Her face twisted. “She looks like she's going to be fine, but her partner is taking on a lot of her work. And it's just a mess. And… Ugh. I don't really know if I can tell you about this.”

I tried not to let the words hit me right in the heart, not when I could easily understand what she meant. It wasn’t that I wasn't worthy of being told; it was more like something she shouldn’t share, given the privacy that surrounded some of her clients.

“Whatever it is, I won't judge or say anything,” I said and ran my hands through her hair. “If you'd rather not tell me, that's fine. But I want you to know that I'm here regardless.”

Her blue eyes found mine. “Do you promise? That you'll be here?”

I swallowed the knot in my throat. Before, my gut reaction would be to tell her no. Absolutely not. To remind her this shouldn't have happened between us in the first place and that we didn't belong together.

But the pain in my chest just thinking about that told me I couldn't fight this anymore.

“I should've moved out. A while ago. It's been two months.”

She nodded. “I understand. You've already dealt with me enough, and if you think this is where it needs to end⁠—”

I covered her mouth with my hand. I only took it away when she gave me a look that told me she would listen.

“But I didn’t. I couldn't. I didn’t want to. I don’t want to. If you still want me, if you still want me here, I'll stay. And yes, my mind is still telling me that we're not meant to be and reminding me every single day that I am betraying my daughter.”

“You're not⁠—”

“I am. And I know I’m going against everything society has deemed right. My parents, if they knew… God, they already hated me so much for divorcing the man that knocked me up when I was seventeen. Imagine how they would feel now? I worked so hard to separate the voice in my head from theirs, and even then, it took me too long to divorce him. But now⁠—”

“Fuck society,” Jax said as she wiped the tears from my eyes. I hadn't even realized I was crying until then. “Fuck your ex. Fuck your parents. Who cares about what they think when they weren’t on your side when you needed them? But Claire… If you need to…”

“I can't leave you. And I don't want to. I'm going to deal with everything that comes from this. But I'm allowing myself to be selfish. I’m allowing myself to want you. To keep you.”

Her eyes were filling with tears, and she gave me a small laugh.

“So it's true? I can officially call you my girlfriend?”