Page 58 of Reforming the Rakish Marquess

She penned the missive, sanded, and sealed it. Hurrying from the study, she found a footman.

“I need this delivered to Lord Sandon’s townhouse directly. There is no need to await a response.”

The man took the missive and left to do as she directed. She returned to the drawing room and took her seat on the settee only a few moments before Hannah returned.

Juliana would enjoy the evening with her friend and desperately hoped she would see Jude tomorrow. She needed to know what the future might hold for them.

Chapter Eighteen

Jude was eager to visit Juliana. He wished to tell her of the revelations with the viscount and that she wouldn’t have anything to worry about regarding hers or Edward’s reputation, or facing the threatened scandal. Well, unless someone was to learn of their involvement with each other, but with the viscount taken care of, they should be in the clear.

He longed for her to choose him, and not find themselves in a situation where a marriage would be necessary to minimize on dit and scandal. What was he thinking? Did he wish to be married? Would he ask her to be his wife?

“My lord, this arrived for you,” Abbott said.

Jude had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t even heard Abbott enter his study. He took the missive from the man and watched him depart.

He broke the seal and read the letter to himself.

Jude,

I regret that I must ask you not to visit tonight. Hannah is staying over for the evening, so it would be quite awkward if she were to see you sneaking in.

Perhaps I shall see you tomorrow.

Yours,

Juliana

Jude sat back in his chair. Disappointment washed over him. Did she invite Hannah over because she wished to avoid him? Were the flowers not well received, and she didn’t wish to have anything beyond the physical nature of their relationship?

He would drive himself crazy with such thoughts. He had no choice but to wait until tomorrow to see her and determine where her head and heart were regarding a future between them.

At least a break from her, even if for a night, would give him more time to be certain of what he wanted for his future and what kind of future he believed he could give Juliana. He could not allow himself to be hasty and make a rash declaration that would only bring pain and suffering upon them both if he couldn’t be a good husband to her. He knew he could remain faithful, there wasn’t a question in his mind about that. But could he continue to let her in, and to accept her love?

*

It took him a while to fall asleep consumed with thoughts about Juliana and their future, but once he did, Jude slept through the night with no nightmares. He didn’t sleep as well as he did the evening prior, but it was a relief to not wake up afraid from reliving the terror of his childhood.

He found that he missed Juliana. She was the only thought on his mind when he fought to find sleep, and the first thought after he woke. He had to see her that day for certain.

Carter helped him dress and he took his breakfast in the morning room by himself. He always knew his life was lonely, but it was even more so since he had a taste of what it might be like to have someone to share his life with.

If there were to be a future for him and Juliana, no more would he eat breakfast alone, left to read the paper and drink his coffee in silence. Not only would they have each other, but perhaps they would also have children.

Jude had never allowed himself to think of what it might be like to be a father before, but now that he had, he knew he would be the most devoted father. He would be everything to his children that his father wasn’t and shower them with as much love and affection as a father should.

After allowing such thoughts and ideas to take root, he couldn’t get them out of his head. He wanted the new life he imagined for himself, for Juliana, for them both. Even if he was terrified.

“My lord,” Abbott said, pulling him from his daydreams of Juliana enceinte and grinning ear to ear while he played on the floor with another child.

“Yes, Abbot.”

“Mr. Stone is here to see you.”

Hopefully, the man brought good news with him. He was ready to rid Juliana of the problem once and for all and be done with it.

“Bring him to my study. I will meet him there,” Jude directed.