Page 4 of Reforming the Rakish Marquess

But there was a small part of her that mourned what she was giving up. Not Edward specifically—she could admit to herself now that she’d never truly wanted him that way. But the possibility of passion. The hope that someday, with someone, she might experience the kind of love she’d always imagined. The kind her parents had.

But she would let that hope go. Perhaps that was the price of safety. Of honoring true friendship.

She drew a deep breath. “I will marry you, Edward.”

His eyes widened. “Are you certain, Juliana? I promise our friendship will remain unchanged if you say no.”

She squeezed his hands. “I am certain. We shall lead a contented life together.”

She believed it. Contentment might not be passion, but it was more than many women got. And Edward was good. He would take care of her. She would take care of him. They would be safe together.

He leaned forward and kissed her cheek, his lips soft and gentle against her skin. It was chaste, brotherly almost. Nothing like the kisses she might have imagined with her future husband.

“I believe your mother will be delighted,” he said.

Juliana laughed. “You are correct in that regard.”

She took his arm, and as they walked back toward the house, she thought about what they’d just agreed to. A marriage of friendship and mutual protection. He had saved her once from Lord Peel. Now she could save him by giving him the respectability he needed. And one day an heir. They would keep each other safe, and she would have fun with him.

It wasn’t the future she’d once imagined, but perhaps it was better than most.

Chapter One

Mayfair, London

Spring 1813

Juliana glanced at all of her black and lavender dresses, which would get packed away in trunks and placed in the attic. The thought of never having to wear those colors again brought her immense joy. Her mourning period over the last year had been the lowest point in her life. She had never felt more lonely and unsure about what to do with her future.

Her marriage to Edward may have lacked the passionate love of a besotted husband and wife, but they found contentment in their one year of marriage. Juliana closed her eyes, recalling the day that the magistrate informed her of her husband’s passing. He had been in the wrong place at the wrong time when a carriage struck him while he was out on his walk around the square. The carriage was transporting her friend Marina’s father, and they lost both men to the accident.

“My lady, should I keep any of these out for you?” her lady’s maid asked.

“No, Bonnie, please pack them all away. I can’t stand the sight of them anymore.”

She still grieved for Edward. He was her dearest friend, and she would always miss him. A year of mourning gave her a long time to think about her future. Granted, she hadn’t been alone the entire time. Her friends Tabitha and Hannah frequently stayed with her and told her of all the latest on dit out in society. While in mourning, she did not attend ton events and remained alone except for when her friends visited.

Her other two friends making up their group of five, Diana and Marina, both married last season and they had shared many details about married life. Since young ladies weren’t told anything of what it meant to be intimate with a man, the ladies had sought such information from Juliana when she married. Unfortunately, she had no information to give them, so she had to pretend to be too squeamish to speak of it.

While she avoided their questions, she was relieved when Diana and Marina could impart the details that Tabitha and Hannah so desperately sought. If Juliana were honest with herself, she found the details quite intriguing, too. She was overwhelmed by the profound love and passion she saw in her friends’ marriages. Hers certainly hadn’t been as such.

She guessed the key difference there was they had married for love, and she had married for convenience, and for friendship. Although she wasn’t even sure if she wished to marry again at all. Her mother had broached the subject with her, and she dismissed her questions. She was just coming out of mourning, and it was far too soon to think about taking another husband. She would just be thankful to be back out in society and able to attend events again, even if she would miss having Edward at her side.

Besides, she didn’t need to marry again if she didn’t wish to. Edward ensured she had funds and property to live more than comfortably. She had to remove her things from the entailed estate of his country home so his distant cousin, the new viscount, could take up residence, but their townhouse hadn’t been entailed and he left it to her. Juliana had yet to meet the new viscount and wasn’t certain if he would attend the season. She wasn’t sure how it would feel to address a man who wasn’t Edward as Viscount Gordon.

“We must get you dressed for the ball tonight, my lady,” Bonnie said, cutting through Juliana’s thoughts.

“Indeed.” She had selected an emerald-green ball gown for the event. Out of mourning, she could wear other colors again, and as a widow, she wasn’t limited to the pastels and light colors that the bright-eyed debutantes were expected to wear. At the young age of newly one-and-twenty, she would likely be the youngest widow in attendance. The ton would be curious to see how she fared after her mourning period, so she expected she would spend most of her evening out on the dance floor. Spending the night dancing would suit her just fine. She could use an enjoyable evening away from the confounds of the townhouse she had shared with Edward, confused about what her future might hold.

Once she dressed for the evening, she waited for Hannah and her brother, Hudson, to arrive. They were escorting her to the Southam ball this evening. Tabitha’s parents were the hosts for Juliana’s first ball back in society.

Her butler, Drummond, informed her the carriage had arrived out front and she stepped outside just as Hudson, the Earl of Onslow, exited the carriage to hand her up. He became the earl a few years ago when his parents passed unexpectedly, leaving him as Hannah’s only guardian.

“It’s good to have you back out in society with us, Juliana,” Hudson said after they settled into the carriage.

“I quite agree,” Hannah said, seated next to Juliana. Hudson was seated across from them. “It’s sure to be a crush this evening. I hope you don’t grow weary from all the dancing.”

“I look forward to it, even if I am just a bit nervous,” Juliana replied. “If I had to sit in that townhouse for any longer, I might have been sent to Bedlam.”