Page 37 of Lifeline

“I’m not actually. I’m what I like to refer to as an optimistic realist,” Colin chuckled. “But…have you ever had something come into your life, and you just…I don’t know. It’s not just because it’s going so great, but because there have been some issues that got in the way of having that good thing, but also like…you didn’t pay enough for it?”

I looked up from the screen, leaving it to run while I gathered up my phone and tablet. “I-I don’t know.”

“You don’t know because you’ve never felt a blade hanging over your neck after getting something good…or because you’ve never had something so good you were afraid to lose it?” he asked.

“Ouch,” I said with a wince.

“I guess it was the second one,” he said and gave me a look. “Sorry, that was probably a deep cut.”

“A little,” I said, thinking of my relationship with Aidan back in the day. It hadn’t been so great that I feared losing it; I probably had known deep down that it was going to end badly at some point. One thing I mourned the most after I’d ended things wasn’t the relationship, but the potential I had seen in it. “But…I suppose you answered your own question.”

“What do you mean?” he asked with a cock of his head.

I turned the lights off. “You don’t think you have to earn something good in your life. You’re just scared of losing it. I’m…familiar with that.”

“And here I thought you said you weren’t,” Colin said, and I marveled at his ability to call someone out in a way that didn’t leave them feeling defensive or annoyed. Or at least, he was managing it with me; probably wasn’t the best idea to speak for other people.

“It’s more like…I never had anything so good I was afraid to lose it because I never let myself have anything that good,” I admitted softly as I stepped outside into the sunny afternoon light and breathed deeply. There was the faint smell of rain in the air despite no hint of a dark cloud in the sky, and my own reports hadn’t shown rain. And yet, I trusted my nose. “And don’t mention Reno. It sounds arrogant as hell, but I’ve never feared losing him.”

“Never?”

“Not our relationship. He had me worried for his life a few times, but hell, who hasn’t worried about us on this job.”

“I don’t think that’s arrogant at all,” Colin said as we headed back toward the main building, and I realized there was an almost rhythmic thumping interrupting the otherwise peaceful day. “I think it’s a testament to how close you two are, and how important you are to one another.”

“Not sure if you’d say that if you knew what happened before,” I said as we headed for the back entrance that would take us into the hallway with the dormitories.

“I don’t think anyone is free of problems or sin, for that matter,” Colin snorted, and watched me as I didn’t stop at the back door but kept going, following the noise to its source.

“I suppose that’s a better way of seeing it,” I admitted as I stepped around the corner and came to a stop when I realized where the noise was coming from. I was also extremely happy that Colin was behind me and couldn’t see my face because it went slack as I watched the axe rise and fall with a thump.

Well, it wasn’t the axe that had my attention; it was the one wielding it. Apparently, Aidan had been assigned to chop wood. He must have been at it for a while because his skin was coated in a layer of sweat as he knocked the freshly chopped pieces aside and grabbed another log.

Sweet baby Jesus, I knew he had been working out, and it wasn’t like he had been weak to begin with, but watching that was something else entirely. The intelligent part of my brain was trying to remind me that chopping wood wasn’t just pure strength; you had to know what you were doing, how to position yourself, and how to swing in order to make quick work of the wood. Except at that moment, my big head didn’t have control; the other one did, and it was drooling as I watched him bring the axe down with another clean swing to cleave through the latest arboreal victim.

I jumped out of my skin when Colin appeared at my side. He didn’t pay me any attention as my arm bumped against the side of the main house; as he watched Aidan, who had turned at the sound I’d made. He picked up his shirt from a nearby log and wiped his face, grinning and waving at us, before turning back to what he was doing.

“Huh, he can certainly get some torque into those arms, can’t he?” Colin asked, and when I looked at him, he was grinning.

“Quit,” I muttered, pushing him away as he elbowed me gently.

“So,” he began, and I groaned, “are we still exes or⁠—? "

“Yes, he and I are still exes,” I muttered under my breath, glad that Aidan apparently didn’t know what kind of display he was making of himself. He could be an evil little devil when he wanted to be, and if he knew watching him chop wood was a great way to get me hard, the asshole would make sure we all had enough firewood for years to come. “Don’t make things weird.”

“Not to be crude, but…you were looking at him like he was the most prime grade of fuckable meat for miles,” Colin said, snorting when he saw the look of disgust on my face. “How do you think I feel? Do you think I wanted to see what you look like when you’re horny?”

“Quit!” I barked. That got Aidan’s attention, and he turned to frown at us. “Seriously.”

Colin chuckled, patting me on the shoulder. “Since you were nice enough to help me figure something out, I’ll give you a piece of unguarded advice…don’t play around if it’s serious, and also don’t be serious if it’s just play.”

“Thanks for the sage advice,” I muttered, pushing him away with more force. “Now go away.”

“Sure,” he said with a grin. “Now Jake is out of Xander’s hair, I might be able to convince him to work off some of the frustration he’s built up.”

“Lovely,” I said in a tone so dry the surface of Mercury would have been jealous. “You go do that.”

“Or him do me, either way,” he said with a cackle as he walked off.