Page 30 of Lifeline

“Oh,” I said, wanting to comfort him because hell, we all made mistakes trying to be the person we thought we wanted to be. But it was hard to comfort him for something I had yet to forgive him for; that felt…dishonest.

“And sometimes, despite what he’s said, I think he still remembers, and it makes him…act differently around me,” he said with a shrug. “I’m just afraid he’s going through something significant and feels he can’t reach out to me.”

“Have you tried talking to him?” I asked.

“A little,” he said with a shrug. “He hasn’t taken me up on it.”

“No offense, Mika, but if you tried talking to him like you’ve ‘tried’ talking about things in the past, I don’t think you’ve been doing what you think you’ve been doing.”

“I am allowed to have changed and grown since you knew me,” he said testily.

“True,” I said lightly, trying not to take the bait. “But, as we said, some things remain the same. I can only work with the information I have, and sorry, but who you were when I first knew you counts as information I have.”

He didn’t look happy, but he sighed. “I know. And there…might be some truth to what you’ve said; I just don’t like hearing it.”

“Not to mention…I know how hard you can be on yourself,” I said slowly. “And I know you don’t let things go easily. Your brother…he’s less strict than you, more easygoing. Did it ever occur to you he might keep whatever he’s keeping to himself because he’s not ready to deal with it yet? Rather than it having anything to do with you. Because he doesn’t give me the feeling that he’s holding back because you hurt him in the past.”

“Which sounds a great deal like what he’s said to me before,” he admitted with a sigh and a shake of his head. “I just don’t know. It worries me he’s holding onto something that’s bothering him.”

“Well, of course you are,” I said with a laugh. “That’s your brother. The only family you have left…right?”

He gave me a sidelong glance but huffed. “Yes. I suppose you could technically count our biological father as family by blood, but⁠—”

“We’re not going to consider the deadbeat as significant,” I said. I remembered how dismissive Mika had been on the few occasions he’d spoken of his father and how the man was rarely in their lives and almost never for long. “Well, not significant in terms of who you love and care about.”

“But significant otherwise?”

“I mean, we can pretend that having the person you thought of as a dad for years coming in and out of your life whenever he felt like it as not a big deal. I don’t think you’ll get anyone to agree though, but we can pretend.”

He snorted. “The less attention and energy he is given, the better.”

“Right, so we’re pretending,” I said and ignored the dirty look he shot me. “Just…I don’t know, think about asking him what’s going on. And if he doesn’t tell you, think about not taking it personally.”

“Reno wanting to hide something from me is…odd,” he admitted with a frown. Then he sighed. “Can we talk about anything else?”

“We could talk about the drama.”

“Lord, I never expected the first time I met Xander’s wife or, uh, I guess ex-wife to be, would be after finding out Xander and Colin have apparently been having an entire relationship under our noses,” Mika said with a snort. “I suppose it’s easier when you have a private cabin like Xander. I’m just…I didn’t see it coming. I thought their relationship was oddly comfortable considering Xander never gets comfortable with anyone other than Cait, but⁠—”

I nodded thoughtfully. “Still, is it worth worrying about?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, one of our own is in a relationship with our boss. That, uh, is an alarm bell for most people.”

Mika thought about that for a minute. “I see your point. It would be cause for alarm if we were dealing with a different group of people. But…I’ve worked under Xander for a few years now, and despite his abrasive attitude, he cares a great deal about this group and what we do. That same uncompromising attitude that can make him difficult to work under also means he’s not easily led into violating his own morals. And Colin…I haven’t known him as long, but considering he kept their relationship a secret tells me we don't have to worry about him either.”

I could see his point, but it was still unnerving to think of someone we were supposed to be equal to in a relationship with the man in charge of us. Not that it was personal toward either of them, but I was the new guy who didn’t know them. I was willing to admit I had a distrust of authority until I knew that authority, so that didn’t help my cautious approach.

Mika grunted. “Trevor needs to look into the AC again.”

“I thought it was getting stuffy in here,” I said with a snort as Mika pulled his long sleeve shirt off, revealing the short sleeve underneath it and tossing it off to the side. “It being on the fritz isn’t unusual?”

“No. He’s a brilliant fixer, if I’m honest, but his organization leaves room for improvement,” Mika said distastefully, reaching under his shirt to scratch his stomach.

Damn it. The human mind was an absurd thing when something as benign as a glimpse at the barest inch of skin was enough to make my brain go haywire. Now I was no longer thinking about our conversation, or considering ways to help Mika sort through his problem with Reno. Now I was thinking about that flash of skin and what it might feel like to run my fingers or even my tongue over it for the first time in years.

Which was my fault. I had been good at holding off thoughts that were best left unconsidered until a handful of days ago. I just had to linger in the shower when I thought he had been distracted, didn’t I? I just had to take in the sight of his naked body, wet, with a few soap suds. To linger so I could see lines of his body that hadn’t been there before, muscles that were more developed after a few years of hard work, and his dick in full view.