Page 18 of Lifeline

His silence as I cooked made me look, and I saw the thoughtful look on his face and winced. “Uh, sorry. That was…I think insensitive is a good start, and outright dickish is a safe landing zone.”

His mouth crooked. “No, you’re fine. I just…it’s still strange to hear people voice what’s going on in my own head. Not always exactly, but even being close is well…weird.”

“Right,” I said, seasoning the meat and onion mixture and grabbing the tube of tomato paste. “By the way, it sucks in a whole new way that I didn’t know about Reno before, let alone know him.”

“I…” he began, and I wondered if he was going to add anything, but I could sense his difficulty.

“It’s fine,” I told him, shoving down the disappointment.

“It’s not fine. I owed both of you an apology for that, and I probably owe a lot more people apologies for it, but⁠—”

“I meant because I’ve gotten to know him the past couple of weeks and it just…it’s been nice. You told me enough about him. I can see you never lied about who he was or what he was like, though, uh, he’s definitely calmed down from the stories you told me.”

Mika huffed out a laugh. “Yeah well. That’s good. It’s one thing to be all over the place, partying your life away in your college years, but we’re officially adults now. Sometimes I even worry that he was miserable because he had to ‘grow up’ more than he wanted, but I think he enjoys his life now. He’s better.”

“There’s something to be said about calming down,” I said with a shrug, tossing in the garlic.

He grew quiet as I stepped back and pulled off my outer shirt. I had spent most of the day inside and it had been pretty cool, but now at the stove with the oven going, I was sweating. I had a tank top underneath and let out a sigh of relief when I felt myself cool down, taking a drink of the beer before grabbing the jar of sauce and tossing my heavier shirt over a stool on my side of the counter. Next came the pants I was wearing, but again, I’d thrown on shorts before my jeans because I didn’t know what the weather was going to be like and I preferred to be prepared, those met with the shirt and I shuffled back to the stove to put it all together.

“Hmph, I see you rediscovered the gym,” he said from behind me.

Alarm shot through me, but I faced the food rather than looking at him. “I know, I know. You had to drag me to the gym back then. I was content to ride out the youth and good genetics to keep looking good. Then I realized I couldn’t rely on it as much.”

“So…vanity.”

“Sort of…it was when I discovered I was getting winded going up steps I realized it was time I rediscovered the gym. And then I realized it was making me look better and feel better. And any time I went too long without going, I felt…restless. So you know, a lot of things.”

“Hmph,” he said again, and I wondered what was about to come out of his mouth. “I also haven’t noticed you smoking.”

Disappointment flashed through me, and I pushed it away. Jesus, we’d just got on speaking terms. It was stupid as hell to let some idiot part of my brain make me want…attention, compliments? From him. “Two years now. That took longer than working out.”

“Smoking is a lot harder to kick for a lot of people.”

“Don’t tell me what I already know,” I said with a snort. “Even talking about it makes my fingers itch.”

I took the bread out and turned the sauce down so it stopped bubbling. I turned to look at him, knowing it was time to alert everyone that the food was done. It was a miracle no one had shown up to see when it would be ready. I had heard the occasional bark of laughter and Carter’s loud mouth from down the hallway, but no one had wandered in. I knew it was Reno’s doing.

“What?” he asked.

I stared at him, taking in the sight and noting the differences between the college kid I’d known and fallen in love with, and the man who was both known and unknown to me. There was a scar on the knuckles of his right hand that hadn’t been there before, and I wondered how he’d got that. His eyes were as green as ever, and although I knew they were the same shade as Reno’s, his seemed darker, more thoughtful and rich. He was paler than Reno, but darker than he used to be and, well, he had grown bigger since I’d last seen him too.

He was different and the same, and my feelings…were different and the same. Part of me wanted to reach out and brush my fingers along that knuckle scar, but I drew back. The younger me would have avoided touching him because I wouldn’t want him to think I was inviting him sexually, because I wouldn’t be able to guarantee anything would happen. The current me also didn’t want him to think I was inviting him sexually, but…that was because we weren’t together anymore and that idea was laughable.

“You’re thinking thoughts you don’t think you should think,” he said, raising a brow. “Should I be worried?”

“Why, worried I’m plotting your downfall?” I asked,. It was bad enough that the average person could read my face easily, but that jackass had always been better at it, and I really didn’t need him being privy to what was going on in my head.

“I’d be surprised if you weren’t,” he said with a snort.

I knew it was time to call the others, so I said, “Look, shit is…complicated. We’re both just…there’s a lot, okay? There’s a lot.”

“I’m aware,” he said gravely. “But I want to find a way to work together peacefully, if not…maybe move past it one day.”

“Move on?” I wondered warily.

“As friends,” he said and damned if I didn’t feel a stab of disappointment that I flicked aside.

“We’ll start with being able to get along,” I said with a snort, resisting the urge to set my hand over his and held it out to him instead. “We’ll start small.”