Page 7 of Under Rusted Stars

“Did you jump the railing?” Luke asks Bodhi, laughing.

“God almighty, you people can’t be screaming like that,” Bodhi says, and he looks panicked. He thought something was wrong and didn’t hesitate to check on me.

“These two assholes scared the hell out of me,” I say.

“I told her we should have made ourselves known,” Luke says.

“He did. I’m sorry. I didn’t think…” Kate says. “I feel bad for laughing now.”

“Oh, don’t go soft on me now, Kate,” I laugh. “My triggers are my problem, okay? Just… Ring the goddamn doorbell or something.”

“Deal,” Kate says with a smile. “Since you’re here, Bodhi…”

“Oh no. Don’t drag me into your shit, Kate,” Bodhi laughs.

“I was just going to say I could leave Luke with you so Liv isn’t so crowded at her parents’ place.”

“Is he babysitting me?” Luke asks.

“Basically,” Kate shrugs.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Bodhi says.

“I appreciate you, Luke,” I say. “It’s not that I don’t want you there…”

“Don’t apologize,” Luke says, offering me a hug. I let him put his arms around me, and he kisses the top of my head. “Kate can fill me in. We can lure Rhett out and make it a party.”

“Well, at least I know you won’t be hungover partying with Bodhi,” Kate says. “Alright, Liv. Let’s go.”

“Y’all can just… I don’t care. Don’t break anything,” I say, waving off the men in my home. “Luke, can you figure out how he was able to open a locked door? I’d like not to be murdered in my sleep.”

“Don’t worry, Liv. I will wait until you are awake,” Bodhi says with that same charming smile. I roll my eyes at him and walk out of the cabin with Kate. When we get to her car, I sigh and lay my head back.

“What?” Kate asks.

“Why is he so…”

“Different? Hot? Nice?” Kate rattles off.

“Yes,” I laugh. “I want to hate him… I do hate him.”

“You don’t hate him, or you would have kicked him out,” she says bluntly. “I think you still have your feelings hurt, which he deserves, but he is a nice guy. He’s not the same person he used to be.”

“I’m glad for that at least,” I say. “I just need some peace in my life, ya know? I am running on fumes. I still have to worry about Jason…”

“Are you in danger?” she asks, glancing over at me as she drives. I stare out my window and watch the town pass by. I can still feel Jason’s hands around my throat, like he’s still here with me. I suppose, in a way, he will always be with me. Every time he hurt me, raped me, loaned me to his clients, or earned money off my body, he replaced a chunk of my soul with something rotten. He broke me, and I’m still trying to figure out how to stitch myself back together.

“Yes,” I say after a while.

Kate nods, but she doesn’t say anything. What is there to say? Nothing will change the fact that I am always seconds from death. What I know for sure is that I will never go back to him. I will never let myself be convinced I can fix him because nothing will fix the evil that resides in him. Everyone sees him as smart and charming, but I’ve seen the demons he hides. I’ve seen the rot beneath the charm, and it’s inescapable once he drags you into the depths of despair.

When we pull into my parents' driveway, tears fill my eyes. I have such great memories of this home, and they’re all flooding back to me, one by one. The first time I stepped foot in this home, I was terrified. I had just gotten out of the hospital, so I was exhausted and in pain, but Mom and Dad were amazing. By the time I went to bed, I was comfortable. They showed me so much love and respect in mere hours that I had never experienced before.

I can hardly remember my biological parents now. They lost custody and went to jail, but I never really checked in on them after. Makes me wonder where they are and if they’re better people now or worse. They were high out of their minds when they tried to kill me, but that is ultimately no excuse. I hope they’re clean at least, though. Maybe they’re still together and happy.

Kate lets me sit in the car for a while, and she stands on the porch. Mom and Dad join her by the time I get out. I stare at them from a distance with tears rolling down my cheeks. I don’t know why this is so hard. What if they hate me? What if they don’t want me anymore?

When I finally walk closer, they’re both crying but unmoving. Dad simply puts his arms out to offer me a hug, and I don’t hesitate to run to him. Mom and Dad wrap me in a hug, and I fall into near hysteria as I sob.