Page 22 of Under Rusted Stars

“Out on Highway 16. I’m by the Davidson farm, parked behind Olivia’s car. She got stuck, and it looks like she ended up throwing a rod.”

“Oh, hell. Is she okay?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” I say, trying not to cry.

“What the fuck do you mean?” Rhett asks. “Where is she? You went after her, right?”

“I did,” I say. “I… she ended up yelling at me and said she wasn’t Mom and I don’t have to save her just because I couldn’t save Mom. I felt bad and drove back into town. I didn’t think… Rhett, she’s not here. She had to have walked back, but it’s fucking pouring. What if she’s hurt? I fucking left her…”

“I’ll call Luke and Kate. We will check down the road this way; you just keep driving down that road and look for her. How long has it been since she left her?”

“Uh… Three hours,” I say.

“Okay, the rain would have slowed her down so she could be a few miles down by now, or she’s in town,” he says. “I’ll send Dad and Jeramy out your way, too, just to make sure.”

“Okay,” I say. “If she’s…”

“Don’t assume the worst, Bodhi,” he tells me. “She is right. She is not your mother. She’s not dead, nor is she going to be anytime soon. Just find her and think of a really good fucking way to apologize.”

“I almost kissed her,” I say. “Everything was fine… She leaned in, and I freaked out. She got mad at me, and I don’t blame her.”

“Find her first, and start over. Earn her trust and take things at her pace,” he says. “Go on. I’ll let you know if we find her.”

“Thanks,” I say, ending the call. I pull onto the road and start driving slowly, trying to spot Olivia through the downpour of rain.

More than two hours go by, and I’m still creeping down the road. When the rain gets too heavy for me to see, I stop. I don’t want to miss her, and I might if I can’t see the side of the road.

I come upon an abandoned barn, and I stop. Olivia is a smart woman. If it’s raining and this is the only place to keep dry, that’s where I’d go, so maybe she did, too. I pull off on the shoulder and get out. As I start toward the barn, I can make out a fresh trail where someone has laid the tall grass down by walking through here. I step into that same path and follow it to the barn. By the time I step out of the rain, I am soaked from head to toe.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Olivia mutters. I snap my head, and she looks soaked to the bone and cold.

Chapter Nine

Olivia

When Bodhi sees me, he rushes over and wraps me in a hug. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I shouldn’t have left you there,” he says, pulling back to hold my face again. Last time we were here, I made a fucking fool of myself, so I grab his hands and move them off me before stepping back.

“It’s fine,” I say. “The rain will let up soon enough, and I’ll go back to the cabin to get my stuff.”

“Get your stuff?” he asks.

“Yes,” I snap. “Coming back here was a mistake.”

I walk to the other door to look out at the rain with my back to Bodhi. He slowly walks over to stand next to me, but doesn’t say anything. We look at the rain, and it says more than any words we could exchange—He’s not leaving here without me, and running isn’t an option.

“You were going to kiss me,” I say. “I’m not crazy. You were going to, but you stopped. You made me feel like I imagined it, but I didn’t.”

“You didn’t imagine it,” he confirms quietly. “Olivia… Everything I have ever cared about leaves me or dies.” I look over at him, and he is fighting back emotion. “Everyone I have dated in the past walks away the moment I get attached, and it’s always for someone else. I wasn’t good enough as a kid for my mom to try to leave before she did. I wasn’t good enough for anyone I’ve been with, so who’s to say that cycle ends with you? Who’s to say I won’t destroy you?”

“Who’s to say you will?” I ask. “You are blaming yourself when there’s no way it’s all on you. Hell, even with Jason and me, I was at fault for staying every time he pushed, and I let him. I ignored the red flags and stayed, and that was my fault. Just because our actions cause bad things to happen doesn’t mean we deserve it.”

“I was so awful to you,” he says, trying to convince me that I shouldn’t want to be around him.

“You never put your hands on me. You never caused me harm. You never hit me, raped me, kicked me, or burned me. You are fucking soaked because you came out to search for me,” I tell him. “I fucking hate to break it to you, Bodhi, but you're a good man. You were a good kid, too, but you were hurting. You needed help, but you didn’t know how to ask.”

“It doesn’t excuse what I did at prom,” he argues.

“No, that was pretty fucked up,” I say. “But it was a decade ago. I can’t hold onto that forever. You were a stupid teenage boy who didn’t know how dresses worked. It is what it is.”