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“Ladies,” I give them a brief nod. “You’re aware you cannot cross the line without all your team members?”

‘Where is she?’

“We’re aware,” Evelyn mutters.

“Hi,” Thorun beams at me.

“Hello, Thorun. I was impressed when you saved two competitors. A bold move to gain their clues.”

“Oh, ah.”

I shake my head and return her smile. It’s clear she’d thought only of saving their lives.

“Where’s Catriona?”

Thorun opens her mouth to answer, but stops as three more shots ring out and Catriona’s voice reaches us clear as day through the microphones now recording the tunnels.

“Vafancullo, bitch!”

All eyes turn to the tunnels as the director urges the cameras to keep rolling while at the same time welcoming Starlen back to the set and pointing to where he should stand.

‘Christ, he healed faster than I’d hoped. The bastard is like a cockroach.’

Starlen glares at me before nodding to the director.

“And...Action!”

“And here we have it, Bachelor Universe,” He pastes on his trademark grin as Catriona lurches bleeding towards the finish line, dragging a catsuit laden with guns. “I promised you suspense, I promised you danger, I promised you excitement. And this team has delivered in spades.”

When Catriona reaches the mat she drops her makeshift bag and turns back to point her weapon at the tunnels, ignoring everyone and everything around her as Starlen goes on.

I step back behind the cameras and surreptitiously place a hand over my nose and mouth.

‘Her blood, Christ, her blood!’

“We have our winners!” Starlen shouts. “But wait, what drama unfolds? They don’t look happy. They don’t look like they’re prepared to celebrate as we all are. Why ever not? All will be revealed, I promise. But hang on, who do we have next? I know we’re all on the edge of our seats, hoping, praying our favourites don’t come last. And it seems we won’t have long to wait to find out!”

One by one the other teams begin to surface as Catriona stands, spent but still unbending, levelling her weapon at the tunnels. It seems that, wounded as she is, the teams are coming out in the order she’d dictated. ‘And why wouldn’t they? She’d disarmed, shot, negotiated with and bullied them all into doing exactly as she wanted. Whatever had been agreed upon before the filming in that tunnel, I don’t know, but her own team seem satisfied, and not all those I can see emerging now look disappointed with their placing. Most look relieved.

‘She’s a born strategist.’

Valérie’s team comes in second, the German sporting a leg wound and leaning heavily on her Scottish teammate; Valérie having run on ahead to stand with Thorun.

Cherry, the Indian contestant Aditi, and their Cuban teammate Alondra come next, followed by the twins from Zurich with their Romanian roommate, Dana.

I’m surprised both twins have lived to exit, given that one tried to drown Catriona. Italians are not known for letting go of a grudge, and Catriona, with her ‘vengeful heart,’ was assuredly one for whom a vendetta was as natural as sunshine. I can only surmise she had bigger fish to fry.

The teams are coming in so thick and fast now that Starlen hasn’t time to interject any ridiculous commentary.

Running to the finish mat next are the Australian, Miranda, clutching a bleeding arm and looking decidedly pissed off, and her Greek counterpart, Vasiliki.

And beyond, the last team begins to step out.

Starlen arches a brow at me, licking his lips.

“I will fucking wreck you,” I murmur, low enough for only him to hear.

He shudders and turns back to watch as the Portuguese contestant, Daniela, and the Kenyan, Luo, drag the bodies of the lovely Natia from Georgia and the Mongolian, Khutulun. The latter is wearing nothing but her swimsuit and sports a perfect round gunshot wound to her forehead.


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