Page 56 of Client from Hell

“I’m very serious. My trunk is loaded with a copy of the information, and I stole a briefcase filled with vials they had in a box. But the otters look really odd, so I stole a pair of the babies along with their food. They’re white with red paws. Really cute.”

“Yes, I am aware you think otters are cute. But white with red paws?”

“Yes, that’s their color. I thought it was strange, and since I couldn’t fit all the animals into the car, I stole two.”

“How did you get them out of the lab?”

“I stuffed them down my shirt,” I announced with pride. “And with the aversion going, it wasn’t a big deal.”

“I had no idea you could use aversions.”

Crap. Wait, no. I hadn’t used any aversions with my hit of the mini mansion. “I learned because I didn’t want people figuring out I did more than a few parlor tricks with my practitioner magic,” I confessed.

“That’s fair. First, you accidentally discover how to shroud, and then you essentially reinvent aversions because you’re shy? You’re going to make all other practitioners look bad. Please tell me what you did to Jonas so Lucifer can coax him out from under the bed. Darlene’s freaking.”

“I only made the aversion link to a tooth-filled maw with a spinal cord still attached in some gruesome Asian folklore about nasty ghosts or vampires or whatever that thing is. I saw a picture on the internet when I was bored one day and looking up various folklore. Christianity’s beasties didn’t seem scary enough, and honestly, if I thought a floating head with a spinal cord attached to it was coming after me, I’d leave the building, too.”

“That would do it,” Diana conceded. “Hold on. I’m going to go tell Lucifer what you did so he can get that poor incubus out of hiding.”

“Jonas will be fine. I already broke the actual aversion. He might have forgotten I exist for a little there, though. It was pretty complicated.” While I hadn’t meant to terrify the incubus into hiding under the Devil’s bed, the whole incident would amuse me for years to come. “Is he really hiding under Lucifer’s bed?”

“He teleported into Lucifer’s study, bolted for the bedroom, and crawled right under the bed. He was so spooked he’s showing his wings, too.” Diana giggled. “Conversion tends to leave a mark, and unlike a lot of the demons and devils Lucifer converted, he took care of Jonas in his private study. The converts, at least the ones like Jonas, tend to view where they were converted as a safe haven, and since Lucifer converted him, that’s where he went.”

I giggled. “I’m really sorry I scared him that much, but that’s pretty funny. I wasn’t trying to terrify him. I just wanted everybody to clear out, and I needed to give them a reason to leave. I thought a flying head with a spinal cord would do the trick.”

“Honestly, if he wasn’t quite so freaked out, I’d be laughing in his face right now. But now I know why he’s so spooked, I’ll enjoy some amusement at his expense later. Really, Sandra? A disembodied head with the spinal cord still attached? That sounds gross. And terrifying.”

“I couldn’t think of anything really and truly scary about the Christian faith. I think of Lucifer, and I start laughing. I’m literally going to hell, and I deserve it.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re comfortable.” Diana sighed. “Lucifer? Sandra placed an aversion so she could steal more otters, and it seems she caught poor Jonas in it. What sort of Asian thing is a floating head with a spinal cord?”

“That would be a variant of Rokurokubi, a yōkai of rather frightening reputation, though they aren’t typically depicted with the spinal cord still attached. They’re usually apparitions,” the Devil replied. “They were influenced by Chinese folklore, but the Rokurokubi are Japanese.”

“That’s what freaked Jonas out.”

“Where did she find one of those?” Lucifer blurted.

Diana giggled. “I wouldn’t say she found one. Sandra conjured it as a part of a rather potent aversion, as she wanted to steal some otters, and there were people in the way of her stealing otters. She also stole paperwork. She didn’t have a way to prevent Jonas from getting caught in her magic. I’m sure she’s a little sorry. She said the aversion has been broken, so it should wear off soon. I already warned you she had abnormal brain activity following the treatments. It probably means her practitioner tricks are stronger than she anticipates. She hadn’t meant to terrify Jonas.”

The Devil snorted, and a moment later, Jonas yelped. “You’re fine, you silly little incubus. The Rokurokubi isn’t going to get you, although your sister might for worrying her. Diana, tell Sandra if she wants to play with high-level magic, she needs to learn how to exclude her partner from those workings. I’d be tempted to toss her in the dungeon for a day over scaring the life out of Jonas, but honestly, she’s been through hell enough recently.”

I gulped. “There’s no need to relay that, Diana. I heard him.”

“She heard you. Since you can’t see this, Sandra, Lucifer is now wearing an incubus as a hat. Darian is here, and he’s crying from laughter while trying to record this incident for your enjoyment. Darlene’s just staring with wide eyes and an open mouth, as she’s never seen her brother quite so freaked out in her life. Did the people in the lab run out while screaming?”

“Not really. They left without delay, but they weren’t that terrified. There was some cursing, and they wasted no time leaving. Maybe Jonas was a little more frightened because he lives in hell and has a healthier fear of things that might eat him? Incubi aren’t really scary compared to other things, right? I mean, I’m not going to be scared to death if he takes off his shirt.”

“Yeah, incubi are definitely among the friendlier denizens here. Lucifer is heaving sighs and tolerating Jonas crawling all over him. Jonas, the floor isn’t lava. Well, it’s not lava right now. It was just Sandra wanting to rescue otters, so she emptied the place out with an illusion. I’m sure she didn’t mean to scare you.”

An explosion of curses erupted from the incubus. I considered pulling over so I could admire Jonas’s extensive vocabulary, but I decided against it. My first job involved getting the otters to somewhere safe, preferably within Lucifer’s conservatory, and get a closer look at the papers and the people the operation wanted to target.

“Wow. Apparently, he has remembered you exist. Lucifer had to block him from teleporting. Where are you?”

“Driving my pretty little car back in the direction of Athens with my baby otters. They’re using Jonas’s seat, so he wouldn’t have a spot to teleport to anyway. I’d get mad if I hit my bed buddy with our car, so please tell him to teleport to a safe meeting spot once he’s calmed down. He can bring Lucifer, who can take care of my new otters. If he wants these papers, he has to bring me a ream of printer paper, though. I want a copy, and I’ll abuse my practitioner magic to duplicate the files. Also, I did that to the files in the lab, so they still have a copy. I didn’t want them to remember any names and connect us with the disappearance of a vial of stuff and two missing otters. I took some other papers, mostly invoices, but I don’t know if they’ll figure out those are missing.”

“Well done. Find somewhere to pull over, and Lucifer will bring Jonas to you once he’s a little calmer and puts his wings away.”

I eyed the navigation panel, and I selected a park as the most probable place to be able to meet with Lucifer without terrifying even more people. “Are Jonas’s wings pretty?”