Page 37 of Client from Hell

According to Jonas, Malcolm owned most of John’s Creek, too.

“Don’t monopoly laws exist?” I complained, tapping at the screen of my fancy new phone on my quest to investigate Malcolm’s business interests, which exceeded the sane.

“He doesn’t have a monopoly, nor does he violate any of the monopoly-based laws. Essentially, he’s a landlord, and because he follows the law to the letter and doesn’t price control the area, allowing other landlords to compete and set prices as they will, he gets away with murder. His land management company buys up good lots, he develops them, and he’ll sell them for a ridiculous amount if an offer comes his way, otherwise he cultivates the lot for his use. If anything, he rent controls in the right direction, pricing competitively but fairly. The other landlords have to either produce a better product to justify the rent or keep their rent lower. Will he get nailed for having a monopoly? Maybe one day—but he has a plan for that, too.”

“He does?” Was there anything Malcolm didn’t think of? “I mean, on paper, he’s the perfect man, Jonas.”

“According to Kanika, he is the perfect man, and no other men can even attempt to compare. She embarrasses herself when she gets started, and Malcolm adores it, because she says exactly what she means, and he knows it—and appreciates it. You’ll get used to it. Anyway, if he thinks he’s going to run afoul of monopoly laws, I’ll end up the owner of yet another plot of land I don’t want. I have ten to fifteen of the damned things already, and Malcolm gifts the land with the employees required to manage them. It keeps him legal, and I get to keep some of the fucking assholes busy while they do their time, so my business is actually doing well, and I don’t actually do anything. Lucifer says it’s good I’m not a complete layabout, but honestly? I don’t do anything. I just get paid for putting up with the bullshit bureaucracy I hate.”

I laughed at his fortunes—and his perceptions of his fortunes. “You poor, poor thing. Your family dotes on you, sets you up with a future business you could learn if you wanted, and pays you to put up with their disgustingly law-abiding ways.”

“It’s so rude. I am not an angel, nor do I pretend to be one. I feel like I should go steal a car and take it on a joy ride just to restore some of my pride. I’m surrounded by goody-goody busybodies!”

“I have some bad news for you, Jonas.”

Jonas parked Lucille a five-minute walk from our destination, slumped over her wheel, and moaned. “Not another one. The Devil is going to make me bed the enemy? What did I ever do to him?”

Giggling, I unbuckled, grabbed my bag, and eased out of my car, giving her dashboard a fond pat before closing the door. “But the enemy is eager and willing to keep you fed. You’re my kind of handsome, and you appreciate a dedicated woman, and I’m dedicated to having the same partner warm my bed. Look on the bright side. You may be bedding the enemy, but the enemy will take good care of you. You might even like your captivity as the world’s best-fed incubus. All you’ll have to do to rev my engine is take your shirt off and pose.”

“You’re easy to please.”

“No,” I corrected. “I’m easy to turn on. We’ll see if I’m easy to please once you get to work. I’m looking forward to it. I also resent that my engine appears to be dead at current.”

“Your engine is literally dead at current because of a cancer. I’ll be doing your engine overhaul in the next few weeks. Your engine will be capable of purring for you again in a few weeks.” Jonas got out of Lucille, closed her door, and locked her, before he stared at me over the roof with a raised brow. “Honestly, I’m impressed you have any interest in me whatsoever considering your current physical state. Most in your situation are typically asexual due to the lack of hormones that create general arousal.”

“I have always had a rather healthy interest in men. I am just very good at ignoring my whining ovaries and doing the work I need rather than chasing after some male tail. I am sufficiently motivated to enjoy your tail, so I will.”

“I’m going to check for an overactive sex drive when I’m working with you. Too much of a good thing can be bad. I will make sure your engine is properly tuned to account for the evening seduction of your personal incubus.”

“Please and thank you,” I replied. “So, where are the kittens? I am on doctor’s orders to contract as many curable diseases as absolutely possible on my outing, and I feel we haven’t done much in the way of exposure to germs, viruses, and so on. My immune system needs to be tested. It’s for science.”

“I don’t remember feeding you any sugar earlier today, but you are acting disturbingly like my sister after she’s gotten her hands on multiple iced coffees,” Jonas muttered, and he joined me on the sidewalk and offered his arm, which I took. “It’s about a five minute walk, so if it becomes too much for you, I’ll go get the car and pick you up.”

“I’m going to be depressed if I can’t last ten minutes plus however much work it is to catch some kittens.”

“Lycanthropy infected kittens, possibly rabid,” Jonas replied. “Probably rabid? Honestly, I was busy driving and wasn’t really paying all that much attention to Lucifer.”

“I can’t remember if he mentioned something about rabies, so I’m not sure, either. I was too busy thinking about the kittens to care what they’re infected with.”

“He really hates when he’s ignored. If you yawn while he’s talking and look bored, you’ll tweak his pride. Of course, you’re toying with the Devil, and that tends to have consequences.”

“Consequences you are familiar with?”

“One of these days, he’ll run out of new tricks, and then I will consider it to be my victory. I will have tested his patience beyond the limits of his creativity,” Jonas replied in a solemn tone.

“Do you think the kittens are a clever way of punishing us?”

“Absolutely. I mean, he warned us the kittens were diseased and probably rabid or something like that. I really should have paid more attention.”

“Me, too. I had other things on my mind, like the whole car problem. My parents’ car is more important than the list of new diseases I’ll contract. I mean, I already got the big incurable disease out of the way, so the rest are basically inconveniences, and you can cure even the supposedly incurable sexually transmitted diseases. And since the kittens can’t give me those, I’d say it’s all good.” Aware I would reach my limit for exercise sooner than later, I kept my stride slow and careful, watching where I put each foot so I wouldn’t crash to the ground in a pained heap. “I’m going to do my best to make it back to Lucille, but if I don’t, you totally have my permission to do nefarious things with my body as punishment for my failure to walk back.”

“Lucifer asks this often, but I find myself required to inquire. Is it a punishment if you like it?”

“Absolutely. You’re just going to soothe my battered pride after you get me back to the car. You’ll be healing my damaged pride, sacrificing your body to do so.” I smiled. “I’ll behave and do my best to make it to the car with my pride intact.”

Jonas snorted, and using his free hand, he got out his phone and checked the screen for the location of the kittens. “According to Lucifer’s helpful notes he emailed to me, the kittens have likely wandered into the sewer from a broken storm grate, and there should be an easy enough way for us to get inside to retrieve them.” Jonas eyed the street. “I am fairly certain Lucifer is lying to us, as there does not appear to be any storm drains in this area. I’m not convinced there’s a working sewer system here.”

“I am not allowing any of us to get into that car when we’re covered in shit or anything else that might be in a fucking sewer,” I grumbled. “I will call Lucifer and throw a temper tantrum of the likes he has never seen because he doesn’t have young children yet. I will revisit my childhood to throw this tantrum.”