Page 65 of Catnapped

“Nothing to that scale,” Kris replied, gesturing to one of the waiting CDC vans. “We brought a mobile clinic with us if needed, and we dragged a crew of ten veterinarians and their techs along for the ride, too. They’ll be kept busy doing the initial intakes, but we’re equipped to handle a busted lab, especially since we know we’re working with a contagious disease. He’s not usually that forthcoming in requirements for these sorts of ventures. Typically, when he shows up, he just tells us to get our asses in gear before he has to handle the work himself and make it an even bigger mess.”

I regarded the destruction of the trailers with one ear twisted back. “I may have gotten slightly cranky.”

“Slightly? If that’s your slightly cranky, I don’t want to see you angry, that’s for sure. But being serious, it’s for the best you beat us here. The instant we put them into the prison system, they would have been treated to the beating of their lives before turning up dead in their cells. I can’t promise they would have had a good time before being tossed into prison, either. I’m a wolf, and my virus gets riled around a dog in distress. Right now? Bloodshed wouldn’t calm my virus. That’s part of why I’m handling the kittens and cats. My virus is too sensitive to canines.”

Interesting. I eyed the lycanthrope. “Are the rest of the team not lycanthropes?”

“I’m the only lycanthrope. They wanted my nose to confirm what Lucifer told us. It’s well enough, since I can handle the animals without needing gear, and the rest can haul the carriers up top. We’re about done, though. We were saving those kittens for last. They would have gotten better attention that way, with no other animals in line after them.”

The poor babies. “Do you know how I might transform back to human?”

“I focus on what makes me human. That’s what most lycanthropes do. It takes practice to get good at doing it. When I first shifted, I needed help transforming for the first four to six months, unless my virus took over. That can still happen, but it’s less common now that I’ve been shifting for a few years. You’ll probably have to get Lucifer to help you with it the first time or two.”

Uh oh. I could see Lucifer abandoning me to my fate and requiring me to figure out how to shift back to human on my own. Rather than complain, I bobbed my head. “I’m sure he’ll get around to it.”

Eventually.

Probably.

Maybe.

If it benefited him at the time, he might help.

The Devil reappeared without the kittens. I snorted holy fire at him, my ears locked back and snapping my teeth. “Don’t you worry about the kittens. They’ll be tended to properly. Let’s leave the CDC to their work, Diana. You have to get accustomed to your form and explore your new home. I have picked a lovely parcel of land not far from my home for you to call your own, and I have plenty of artisans in residence who would love to dodge a more hellish punishment to build you a little manor to call your own. You can even pick the style.”

Before I could protest, Lucifer patted my shoulder, and the unsettling yank of teleportation ended with a thump and splash into thick lava. The molten rock oozed around me, did a good job of warming my coat, and left me standing belly deep. My new arch nemesis stood on a nearby rock and laughed at me.

I could understand why he laughed. Unlike me, he enjoyed his day.

Mine could use some work.

I sighed and trudged to where the ground solidified, scrambling up to escape the lava. It dripped from my coat. “Was there any half-decent reason you decided to do that?”

“I find it’s best to teach the newest residents about their various immunities to lava through exposure. The reactions are usually delightful, but I see your general resilience to the absurd is still intact.” Lucifer sighed. “Couldn’t you have at least squealed once?”

“No.” I shook the cooling lava off my coat. “How do I become human again?”

“This is a lesson you must learn on your own, Diana. You’ll never be a human again—but you can appear to look as you did with some work. If you’re clever enough. Don’t worry. I want you for your brains right now, anyway. If I really need you for your hands, I’ll force you to another form as I see fit—perhaps a spotted snow leopardess to keep my darling company?”

“You absolutely will not!” Darlene hissed from behind me. “Why must you do this every time? I saw what you did to poor little Samuel. You are not going to lock Diana outside and toss her into lava pools for fun.” The Devil’s wife patted my shoulder. “If you can’t be nice to Diana, I will steal her.”

“You will steal her anyway. You get to make use of her, too. She’s our secretary. I stole her from the CDC fair and square, and as I’d like to be invited back to bed sometime this week, I am making use of a filthy word to please you. It doesn’t get much worse than agreeing to share.” Lucifer faked gagging. “Disgusting, filthy word.”

Darlene hissed at her husband, wrapped her arms around my neck, and headed for her home. As resisting her might stir Lucifer’s ire, I went along with her.

“You are an excessively cruel wife, stealing my horse!”

“Well, you’re the one who gave the other horses to Anwen and Eoghan. I can’t tell if you’re trying to unleash the apocalypse or stop it most days. Really, letting those four just prance around the mortal coil?”

“It’s not like their powers activate at random. It just means if someone does trigger the End of Days, I don’t have to work all that hard to get them mobilized. I don’t even care about the riders at that point.”

“As though anyone other than Eoghan would ride the pale horse. He’s the only one of that trio who would see the necessity of it.”

I flattened my ears. “You unbridled the four horses of the apocalypse?”

“Oh, they’re bridled and haltered daily. They are spoiled pleasure horses right now. Eoghan is still teaching Anwen how to ride. But yes. They’re out in the world now. They were bored out of their minds here. There’s just nothing for them to do. On the mortal coil, they’re useful. They don’t just cause famine, war, or death with a healthy splash of conquering mixed in for good measure. They control those things—and mitigate humanity’s greed as needed. They don’t want the End of Days, either. It’s just work for us, and it’s unpleasant work at that.” Lucifer took long strides to catch up, and he smirked at his wife while draping his arm across my back. “You’re not allowed to try to break her to saddle. I’m giving that nephew of mine first crack to see if he can tame her.”

“You’d be on the couch for a month if you even thought about it,” Darlene replied.