Page 56 of Catnapped

Each and every year, the CDC became entangled in some form of uprising or another as those seeking power concocted new ways to achieve their goals. Some went the biological warfare route. Others pursued kidnapping or coercion. Others bribed their way to the top, corrupting leaders into doing what they wanted. Terrorists were an entirely different breed of cat, using the same tools the greedy and corrupt did but with the goal of targeting and horrifying the populace before making their demands—if they made any demands at all.

Sometimes, I hated people. “Dare I ask what else these assholes were trying to cook up?”

Lucifer returned the zombie sample to the tray and lifted up the one containing the black death. “Humans are such interesting creatures. Do you know what they believed when this was killing over a third of their population?”

“I’d guess they believed you were behind it.”

“Surprisingly, no. They believed it was His will, and that those who survived were favored by Him—and that many who suffered and died harbored secret sin in their hearts. For the non-believers and other religions, they blamed Him, too—but as a punishment for humanity as a whole. It spread so badly because they were at the end of an emergence, and the magic was dying away. The magic they once used to heal such plagues no longer worked, and because they’d relied so heavily on magic to heal the body, their bodies no longer had any defenses against things like the black death. By the time the black death died out, their bodies remembered how to work without magic helping it along.” Placing the vial in its appropriate slot, he picked up another sample, which my scanner had identified as smallpox. “He made this one when humans began making earnest efforts to obtain immortality, a reminder they were anything but immortal. For the most part, He failed to do anything other than motivate humans to try harder. Someone must have bargained to get this, as humanity had successfully eradicated smallpox, and the last of the virus had died during this emergence. The CDC had samples in the lab, but after some thought, they were destroyed. Russia had a sample, but after learning the CDC destroyed theirs, they followed the example and destroyed theirs as well. The last act the CDC did with their smallpox sample was to save a copy of the registration so scanners like yours could detect it. He is quite pleased humanity was able to use their powers for something good for a change. I will be taking this sample—and you will delete your scanner’s results and pretend you did not see this. And you will bargain with me to make certain any other samples of smallpox that might exist become deceased.”

I raised a brow at the order. “What am I bargaining away to do what you want?”

Lucifer sighed. “My wife wants a hug. But she doesn’t want a hug from me. She wants one from you.”

If hugging Darlene would make sure the smallpox virus stayed dead, I’d give her two hugs and tolerate her the next time she needed to cuddle with someone who wasn’t her husband. “Bargain made.”

The vial vanished. “You’re protective of your soul, but you really don’t have any scruples about other types of bargains, do you?”

“Maybe if you cut better bargains, I’d be more hesitant about accepting them. Oh, no. I have to hug someone I like. Whatever will I do?”

Gabriel erupted into chiming laughter. “Just be careful about any paperwork you sign, or you might find yourself coping with life as Kanika’s sister, especially as my brother is offended over how your mortal parents have treated you over the years. He’s been investigating, and he does not appreciate what he has learned.”

“Don’t you go spilling my secrets, Gabriel!” Lucifer snorted and stomped a hoof. “I wanted to see if the same trick would work twice. Now you’ve gone and ruined it.”

The Devil would drive me crazy, but at least the ride would be entertaining. “Does Kanika want a sister?”

“Desperately. Or a brother. Honestly, she’ll take anything that makes me stop gracing her with so much attention. My little cupcake has about had it with my affections. If she didn’t make giving her affection so delightful, I’d probably be a little less annoying, but she bristles so nicely. I love cats, and she’s just so catty.”

Right. Darlene took her cattish nature to extremes, and Kanika ran hot at her mother’s heels. Add in the menagerie of pets, which included at least two other cats, and I should’ve guessed. “That doesn’t explain your interest in me.”

“You love cats, therefore you’re equipped to tolerate the attention of two large felines who will give you attention when you don’t want it. I’ve learned. My kitties love attention and require it in copious quantities, but they do not want to admit they need the attention. Especially Darlene.”

“Well, you made her a succubus with a restricted diet of you and only you, and she does need your energy. As for Kanika, you’re just trying to convince her that she can be loved just as she is, bristly temper and all. She’s not easy to convince, so you have to go to extremes to get the point across.” I rolled my eyes at their weird family dynamic. “If your wife and daughter need an emotional support whatever-I’ll-be, that’s fine. Just tack on the appropriate compensation to my job offer if it means I won’t be able to run away after work is over to do what I want.”

“You should have limits,” Lucifer complained. “And a little regard for my wallet.”

I shrugged. “I do have a little regard for your wallet. I have faith it can pay out, even when your mouth gets you in trouble and results in you having to use your wallet a little more than you would have if you had just kept your mouth shut.”

“She has you there,” Gabriel stated.

True to the Devil’s word, Darian slept through the ruckus, and I eased out from underneath him. Retrieving the blanket from the bed along with a pillow, I covered him and made him as comfortable as I could. “Are there any other samples I shouldn’t turn over to the CDC?”

“No. The rest are acquirable through other methods.”

“Have you already decided what you’re going to convert me to?”

“As a matter of fact, yes.”

“What will I be?”

“The worst nightmare of anyone who crosses you. I promise you’ll have a great time.”

Why had I thought the Devil might give me a straight answer? I gestured to my chest, which ached less than it had earlier. “And this mess?”

“You still get the bandages for a week when you’re in your human form. The conversion won’t help too much with that. The holy fire and devilish energy will take that long to fade out, and their presence is what’s making it ache. You’ll be fine. Those energies will make your conversion easier on you, and you’ll appreciate that tomorrow. Of course, tomorrow, you’re going to be a little psychotic. I’ll enjoy it immensely.”

“Psychotic?” I narrowed my eyes and considered Gabriel, the most likely of the brothers to give me an almost straight answer. “Mind illuminating me?”

“He’s going to try you as a hybrid, converted with equal parts devilish and demonic energy. These forces will take some time to settle, and you’ll be the rope they’re playing tug-of-war with. You’ll be fine. You’ll just be a little crazy for a few days. Considering his plan is to drop you in the middle of a bunch of hostiles and let you work out your temper on them for a while, it will work out for the best. Add in the holy fire, and you’ll be an indestructible ball of fury. You’ll calm down eventually. More importantly, you’ll force the playing of several important cards, and once they’re played, the forces of heaven and hell combined will need an indestructible ball of fury. We won’t be able to directly act, but there’s nothing in the rules stating that a psychotic devil-demoness hybrid hopped up on holy fire can’t make a mess of things.”