Page 54 of Catnapped

“You, because he knows full well I’d consent to contracting the lycanthropy virus. Can your machine tell us how long I’ve been infected?”

I shook my head. “The virus is pretty individualistic, and replication times have been changing a lot lately. Some people are still taking forty years or longer to incubate their viruses, but a lot of younger people are shifting far younger. Early onset is becoming rather common. It’s on the CDC’s radar, because with transmission and maturation rates, it’s actually possible for lycanthropes to outnumber humans, and it won’t take nearly as long as people think. It becomes even more complicated when the virus mutates, although it mutates at a fairly slow rate. Then there’s the issue of species. For a long time, people believed only mammals could be lycanthropes. The avians kept to themselves and either played wolf or just refused to admit their species. The percentage of avians is also really low, with some species only having one to three members. Because of the nature of the lycanthropy virus, the species usually ends up with two members, but some of the avians simply don’t pass their virus on to their children, and the virus itself is less likely to infect somebody else. The CDC expects most avian species will only last one or two generations.”

“And reptiles?”

“We haven’t seen any known reptile species, but I’ve come to the conclusion maybe we shouldn’t assume it’s an impossibility.” I checked the scanner, went through the settings, and adjusted the device so it would read through glass, plastics, and even clear metals. “Lucifer really spent too much money on this thing, and I refuse to give it back. I will fight him for it. I’ll bite his bloody kneecaps off if he tries to take it from me.”

Darian snickered and dug out one of the cases and began to check over the vials, making notations on a sheet of paper before tying a tag to the handle with a few notes. “In bad news, I can’t actually mark the vials, so once we hand this over to the CDC, we won’t have access to them again. Please tell me we don’t have to open these vials.”

“We don’t have to open the vials. Lucifer gave me a scanner that can penetrate through just about anything. We’ll have to rely on the magical pulse readings, but it’s sensitive enough we’ll be able to get a reading on common toxins, viruses, bacteria, and so on. The bacterium readings can get sketchy, although things like anthrax are typically easy enough to identify. It’s a matter of numbers, as there are a ridiculous number of bacteria in the world. Hell, our guts have a huge number of bacteria.”

“Surprisingly, I did know that. Will the scans take as long as my DNA?”

“No. It’ll take me probably half an hour to get through the whole lot of them. Just set out the cases, and I’ll hold the scanner’s probe to the vial. It’ll register the results, beep to let me know it’s done, and I’ll move onto the next one. If we get any bacteria, it’ll add twenty minutes to test the sample, but it’s not bad. I have it set up to save the data to be more efficient. If you get bored watching, feel free to crash out. I’ll wake you if I find anything interesting.”

“I’ll watch, if you don’t mind. If I can con Lucifer out of one of these, too, I want to see how this is done. I’m not above begging to be able to give using it a try.”

“Well, you’re easy to please. I might be going to hell, but it’s not because I don’t know how to share. Just don’t you break my scanner, because I really will cry if you do.”

“I’ll be careful,” he promised.

Thirteen

“All miracles come with a price.”

Sixty-four different vials, sixty-four different diseases, viruses, and bacteria, all of which were used in some fashion or another in biological warfare. Most importantly, one of the vials contained Darian’s strain of the lycanthropy virus.

I had questions, but the scanner provided me with zero answers. Darian, who’d realized I hadn’t been joking about it taking at least twenty minutes to check over each bacterium, hadn’t made it to bed before passing out. Initially, he’d been seated upright, but an accidental bump while reaching for one of the metal containers had startled him enough he’d fallen over directly onto my lap although he hadn’t woken.

Either that, or he did a damned fine job of playing possum, and I figured he’d earned using me as a pillow for tricking me.

Lucifer manifested in the room along with Gabriel, and the Devil opted for his inhuman form, his tail lashing side to side. Like his brother, a shroud engulfed him, shimmering whenever he moved. “You’re supposed to be sleeping. How can we commit nefarious acts when you’re awake when we’re supposed to be tending to you?”

“I’m trying to figure out how Darian got infected with a lycanthropy virus strain the CDC doesn’t know about but this lab does. There’s no evidence of his animal strain.”

“That is because there is no animal strain,” Gabriel informed me. “He caught the virus from your new cat. She and her kittens are all doing well. Two would have died, but He opted they would become eternal kittens, gave them to Darlene to be trained as guardians, and live in my brother’s many hells when she ultimately gives them to you, although they will no longer be in kitten format. He has a sense of humor, although He often pretends he does not. He also felt if the kittens died, you would feel nothing but guilt for many years, so you have two extra kittens to contend with, although they have been blessed with heightened intellect and will require little of your care beyond companionship. Consider them to be the first of your minions in my brother’s domain. One has an angelic nature and one has a demonic nature to maintain the balance.”

I froze. “Does that mean Darian’s theory of this lab trying to spread lycanthropy is accurate?”

“To a certain degree. As you would find out yourself soon enough, you are infected with the same strain, although you were exposed through a different avenue.”

“Mr. Flooferson.”

“Correct. Mr. Flooferson, as you have named him, has not infected any other humans, but that is in part due to your care for him and his nature. He’s also less contagious than the momma cat and her kittens. The entry to the lab has a great deal of the virus, and Darian contracted the virus there. The interior of the lab has had nothing for the virus to thrive on, so it had died out.” The archangel shrugged. “He would have contracted the virus from you given time. This just speeds it along. I highly recommend that you take that vial to the CDC for use in the medical field. It will allow for the lycanthropy virus to incubate without symptoms or harm to the host, and when exposed to a live virus with a strain, the original virus will pick up the strain and establish itself quickly and without many of the unfortunate side-effects early onset lycanthropy typically causes. With the right patient, you might be able to perform miracles.”

“All miracles come with a price.” I frowned. “What price would this miracle have?”

“Nothing particularly nefarious, I assure you. He does not view the strain you are infected with as an aberration. He recognizes much good can come from their experimentation, and that they will pay the price for their transgressions through you. You are simply the weapon He has chosen for their punishment, my brother is the tool you will use to aid your cause, and one might say Darian is the reward you will reap for doing good in the world. Much like my brother’s Darlene, you will become a tool of balance meant to keep the End of Days at bay.”

“No pressure there,” I muttered, shaking my head. I pointed at Darian. “Are you sure he’s a reward? I mean, he’s a bit rowdy and a lot lusty for a reward.”

Lucifer laughed. “He’s only rowdy and lusty because you keep proving to him you’re his ultimate woman. He’s cut from his parents’ cloth, so he’ll be a patient hunter. You’ll enjoy when he realizes he’ll have to work to tame you. Now that you’ve ruined our fun by exposing the infection, we have come as bearers of gifts.”

“Please tell me the gift is a confirmation the fur we got out of that one cage will help lead us to Mr. Flooferson.”

“No,” the pair replied.

Well, shit. “But that was our best bet!”