Page 46 of Catnapped

“I always wondered about the souls who sleep,” I admitted.

“They are neither here nor there, and their existence as seeds is enough to maintain the balance. I am sure my brother negotiates with Him for the seed that will become your future. He would want a pristine one for you. That means there’ll be yet another baby angel running around the heavens creating trouble, a situation He enjoys, for Darlene inevitably comes to visit—and steal—the little one for a while. The balance is best served this way, and no matter what humanity believes, neither He nor my brother wish for life to end.”

The book I’d recovered had reinforced that ideal enough times I believed it. “It must remain an ever-present risk, as the universe did not intend anything to be eternal, not even Him.”

“Yes. Even He was born from a seed.”

“Is it bad of me I’m picking the calico because she’s cute?”

“No. You meant to take home but one cat, your own, but you are opening your home to two others, knowing you cannot take them all for the sake of your sanity. And yes, you would struggle to take care of so many cats. Three cats will be a challenge for you, but one that will make you happy. With no other criteria for you to choose from, selecting the feline that you feel is cute is perfectly acceptable. You would love any of these kittens equally. The kitten you have chosen will love you without condition, and she will be friendly company with her mother and your cat. Of course, we will help with that. You will find transitioning your new pets into your home a simple matter.”

After working with the Devil for so long, I recognized when a divine wished to strike a bargain with me. “What is that going to cost me?”

“It would be a safe assumption I would request you accept going on a date with my nephew.”

Tricky archangel. “You are so lucky I love my cat, Darian.”

“How is this my fault?”

“You’re the one who suggested we go on a date to placate the nosy archangel.”

“That’s a good point. Gabriel, thank you, but please go before I get into even more trouble.”

“I will come pay a visit to check on Diana’s health when you sleep tonight. Should I have to do anything other than check, I shall wake you—or not, depending on how stealthily I can do my work.” The archangel laughed, bowed, and disappeared. A moment later, the cats vanished as well, and all of their supplies went with them.

“The ‘vet’ will be in the heavens, those animals will be spoiled rotten within ten minutes, and He is going to be overwhelmed with angels wanting cats,” Darian predicted. “Then the kittens will find their way into homes of those who need them the most on the mortal coil. As for you, he’ll sneak in while shrouded, he likely already had a look at you, and wants to do some minor workings without worrying you about it. Cancer can be tricky even for the divines, or so I’ve been told. I don’t think it’s anything serious, as he would tell you. Mostly, I bet he wants to go play with the kittens in the high heavens for a while, and He will enjoy that.”

“Why would you come to that conclusion?”

“So many reasons, so little time. Mostly, He hates when He can’t do anything to ease the suffering of mortals who deserve better than what life has given them. Or so says my father. It doesn’t hurt He loves cats. He loves most animals, but there is a reason Darlene was not a canine of some sort.”

Huh. Darian was a veritable fountain of wisdom when it came to the divine, something I would need to pursue later to augment my future role as Lucifer’s secretary—assuming he talked me into doing the work. “I thought that was because the Devil needs someone who’ll tell him no rather than tell him yes all of the time. Dogs tend to have a reputation of being obedient.”

“That, too, but canines aren’t relentlessly obedient. Well, they can be.” Darian grimaced. “Okay, they definitely can be, at least domesticated ones. Even in the wild, most canines follow a set pack structure. He wouldn’t have wanted Darlene to fall prey to that. So, she’s a cat.”

“How do you even know that?”

“Dad. He was around when Darlene charmed Lucifer, so he tells stories about them all the time. He created her specifically for Lucifer, and Dad never fails to be amused about how He totally goosed everyone. Darlene had charmed Gabriel and Michael from first blasphemy, too.” Darian closed the doors of the SUV after one final check to make sure we’d gathered everything. “Personally, I think He is still up to something.”

“Why?”

“Lucifer? Get married?” Scoffing, he got behind the wheel of the SUV, holding his hands out for the keys, which I gave him. “Those two are going to have a flock of children, because He is a family man… except Lucifer is infertile as a consequence of his fall. But he now has Kanika, and I do not see their family stopping with just her. What I don’t know is how He is going to fling additional children their way. Darlene loves children almost as much as Lucifer does. I remember him being around when I was little. Dad would have him babysit when Mom and Father weren’t paying attention.”

I’d pegged the Devil as a family man within sixty seconds of seeing him with Kanika. The only being he loved more was his wife. If I hadn’t known better, I would’ve assumed Lucifer was a being of love rather than the ruler of the universe’s many hells and reformer of damned souls. “I’m placing bets on abandoned children finding their way to Lucifer’s house and becoming spoiled.” I circled around the SUV and claimed the passenger seat, pushing the seat back so I could fully stretch my legs. “You’re taller than me. Why didn’t you fix this while I was driving?”

Darian laughed. “I would’ve taken a nap if I got too comfortable, and that probably would have cut off my trail, and then I would’ve gotten into a great deal more trouble than I’m already in.”

“Didn’t your fathers teach you that you shouldn’t bargain with divine entities, especially when it involves your love life?”

“If they had, I forgot.”

I buckled my seatbelt. “I am becoming increasingly more concerned over their interest in us teaming up.”

“If it makes you feel better, it’s probably not because of us, but because of any children we’d probably have. The divines play the long game. But, in your case, having an efficient secretary would free Lucifer up for a lot of other things—like reforming souls. Time is not infinite, and it’s fairly difficult to maintain the balance. He’s probably stretched thin. If they saw a future where I make you happy, and you work better when happy, they’d pursue that future. But probably, we’d have kids, and those kids could be useful for some plan or another. That’s doubly the case if you like children.”

“I have no idea if I like children. I hate when people ask me when I’m having children, though. It’s so damned rude. How is it any of their business if I reproduce or not?”

“I tried telling that to my parents once. Mom faked a tear, and both of my fathers gave me a dose of the eye. Getting the eye from an archangel is pretty disconcerting, Diana. I had to swear I’d consider, if I found the right woman, that I might have children.”