Page 45 of Catnapped

“How dare those volcanoes ruin your metaphor,” I replied, careful to keep my expression and tone neutral.

“Please take her off and charm her ruthlessly, Darian. This would simplify matters and force my brother’s hand into motion faster.”

Darian snorted. “I see. As I’m your nephew, and you can’t meddle as much as you would like, you’re assisting Lucifer, who can meddle. And since I’m your relative, Diana got dragged into this because you think, probably due to her overwhelming competence, she’s worthy of being part of the family.”

“You would be correct.”

“Don’t we get a say?”

“I am a telepath,” Gabriel reminded his nephew.

Darian sighed. “I’m just going to apologize now, Diana. I’m sorry.”

While I remained inexperienced due to personal choice, having a busy life, and otherwise spending my time creating trouble for myself, I did not need any guidance to figure out Darian had been enjoying some impure thoughts aimed in my general direction. “You should have heard when I was trying to mentally scold Lucifer for daring to bring a tall, dark, and handsome to my house after my cat went missing. That’s just rude. If you can accept that I’m going to be staring at your physical attributes when I don’t think you’re looking, I think it’s fair for me to accept that you might be staring at my physical attributes.” I pointed at my chest. “Just wait a week or two before you admire these. Right now, they just hurt, the bandage look isn’t a good one on me, and I would prefer to wait for encouraged judgment until I’m able to wear a good bra. If you’re lucky, I might even allow you to admire said bra. It seems a decent selection of them were rescued from my house. I wonder why that might be?”

“I couldn’t possibly tell you that,” Darian lied, and the corners of his mouth twitched.

Gabriel sighed. “I thought you would like to know she speaks the truth.”

Darian gave up trying to hide his grin. “Do you ever give Lucifer a break?”

“No. Why should I?”

Darian stared at the archangel rather intently, and I wondered what he was trying to communicate with his uncle.

A moment later, Gabriel laughed. “While I can understand the general attractiveness of such a thing, a permanent relationship should be founded on more than a woman’s willingness to tell my brother no.”

“But why?” Darian asked.

“Goodness. It amazes me I have so many brothers and sisters who deliberately seek out a human and some demon or devil so they can have children. Then, for reasons I cannot understand, they insist on teaching them that word and how to use it in question format.”

“You have to admit my mother is pretty amazing.”

“You are a biased child.”

“Well, yes. If my mother finds out I didn’t say good things about her to the in-laws, she’d find some way to make me pay for it later. I’m already guilty of being independent. I don’t want to be guilty of hurting her feelings on top of my daring to be more independent than she would prefer. She does not like when the nest is empty. How about this as a thought. I will bargain with you to ask Diana on a single date after we have recovered her cat and have handled this matter. It’s not my problem if she says no, but you meddlers, in exchange, have to not bother us about it until after her cat is home with her. The faster we recover her cat, the sooner you’ll be able to start meddling again. Remember: it’s not my problem if she says no.”

The archangel took his time thinking it over. “Very well. I will inform my family of my bargain with you, but I cannot control their actions, nor will I bargain on their behalf. I, however, will not meddle with you, and I will recommend they delay their meddling until after Diana’s cat has been recovered.”

“That’s fair. Bargain made. Now, we need to go take these kittens to a vet.”

“I could handle that matter for you. It would speed your efforts on recovering Diana’s cat, and this is a small matter. I will make sure they have excellent care, and I will begin the work on finding all but the mother cat and the young calico permanent homes suiting their natures. Then you would not worry. More accurately, she would not worry. She has transformed worrying into an art, although it would be prudent of her to learn to worry a little more about herself rather than the fate of others.”

“The cats didn’t ask to be experimented on in a lab. Somebody has to make up for what horrible people did to them,” I muttered.

“My brother will learn to rue and lament he is inviting you into his many hells for a permanent stay. You will not change your colors, not even with power available to you. Oh, no. I expect you will corrupt my brother’s residence with your philanthropic ways. This is not a bad thing, as it will help streamline the reform of the…”

I grinned at the archangel’s hesitance to call the sinners by Darlene’s preferred moniker. “Fucking assholes,” I supplied.

“Yes. Them.”

“If they had done a little better at being decent beings in life, they wouldn’t be in residence. They only have themselves to blame for their fate. Admittance into Lucifer’s care has nothing to do with belief. That’s just something the so-called believers concocted to make themselves sleep better at night. No matter what faith or lack thereof, souls have three destinations.”

Darian went to work checking over the SUV and making sure everything was packed away. “Only three?”

“Heaven, Lucifer’s dungeons, or in limbo waiting for a chance to go back to Earth as a new soul. Purgatory. The listless beyond—whatever you want to call it when the soul sleeps. Those who don’t believe in any form of heaven but have not earned their way into Lucifer’s care just rest.” I glanced in Gabriel’s direction before helping Darian with his task, setting out everything for the cats so they could be cared for properly until I could claim them. “That’s mostly right, isn’t it?”

“For your purposes, you are correct. We do not intentionally bring harm to souls who have done good but have no belief in any religion’s heaven. But the lack of belief does not spare the sinners from meeting my brother in his full glory. The balance must be kept.”