Page 3 of Catnapped

“I can’t do that, Diana. You know I’m not permitted to interfere with mortal matters outside of a bargain, and I have no bargain allowing me access to this matter. You would have to bargain with me.”

I loved my cat, but I also didn’t want to lose my immortal soul for my cat. “Can bargains be for something other than my soul? I like my soul, Lucifer.”

“I’m very aware of your possessiveness over your soul. You would deny even Him.”

That I would. “I like my soul precisely where it is, in my possession, where no nasty beings, yourself included, can meddle with it. But I’ll bargain if you can come up with something that does not result in the loss of my soul.”

“You will accept a partner of my choosing for this venture. For however long it takes you to recover your cat and bring the catnappers to justice, and we’ll define precisely what justice means as a part of our bargain. Until I have declared justice has been secured, you will work with this individual of my choosing. You will spend a minimum of two hours a day with this individual, who likewise owes me a favor and was wise enough to safeguard his soul from me and my rather evil activities.”

I rolled my eyes, as the Devil talked loud and often about his evils but rarely dished them out. I’d met convicts who’d sinned far worse than the Devil on a bad day.

“Rude,” the Devil complained.

“But true. Why do you want me to spend time with this individual?”

“Both of his fathers have severely annoyed me, and it will be highly entertaining if I can force him to live up to a bargain.”

Shit. The Devil had bargained with the son of a triad? Trouble was the Devil having anything to do with a triad at all. “Demon?” I asked, contemplating tossing up a few prayers to mitigate some of the issues the child of a triad brought around when they showed up.

“Nope.”

Damn it. “You seriously let one of your devils out to go on a fling with an angel?”

“Archangel.”

I already regretted calling the devil. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”

“If only. The devil in question, who happens to be one of my generals, begged. I hate when they get to the point of begging. The archangel, well, that was a poorly chosen promise in a moment of weakness.”

“A poorly chosen promise in a moment of weakness?”

“He claimed if that specific general happened to ever be brought low by a woman, that he would demand proof. Somehow, that became the foundation of a triad.” The Devil laughed. “I’ve stopped worrying about when the heavens and my hells mix. We’re one big, demented family. He approved, so that’s that. Watching one of my generals be brought low by a woman? Truly delightful—especially after he’d spent time mocking me about Darlene. To sweeten the deal? He fell for his bride shortly after Darlene stormed my gates. The best of women storm gates to places, I’ve noticed. Their son is younger than you are, but not by much, and thanks to his genetics, he matured early.”

I snorted at that, almost pitying the son of a high-ranked devil, an archangel, and someone who likely classed as one hell of a woman. “Only an idiot mocks you or your wife.”

“I thought about putting him in time out for a few thousand years, but him being brought low by a woman worked out for the better. And anyway, he likes Darlene, but he does enjoy when he gets to be a pest. He’s become even bolder, as Darlene likes him. Darlene would prefer if he stuck to a humanoid form while wearing a suit, which has basically become his dress code. Darlene being happy means everyone has a much higher chance of being happy. Anyway, your partner is thirty-two, he takes after his human mother too much for your good, and he’s rather determined.”

“The last thing I need is a determined man in my life, Lucy.”

“I’m aware, which is part of what makes this so much fun. Will you bargain, Diana?”

“I will discuss the idea of a bargain with you, but I will not agree to any bargain until I hear all the details. And I’m expecting a bribe of you making the police take this seriously in order to open negotiations once you’re here.”

“Excellent. Do expect company within an hour, and I will bring your new partner with me so you have all of the fine print you so love in front of you—and if you’re particularly unfortunate, I’ll bring his parents as well.”

“You’re an asshole, Lucifer.”

“I really am. Wear something nice.” The Devil hung up on me, leaving me all by myself to scream my frustration over the situation.

After screeching a few curses, I drew in some calming breaths, decided to ignore his commentary about my clothes, and waited for trouble to come knocking at my door.

Two

“Next time, I’ll listen when you warn me about something.”

I should have worn something nice.

It was one thing to face off against the Devil, who’d opted to show up as a tanned white man in a black suit, while I wore wrinkled work clothes. It was another to face off against the Devil, one of his brothers, and one of his top generals while wearing wrinkled work clothes. Unfortunately for my peace of mind, the archangel proved to be Raguel, best known for pursuing justice with unrelenting determination. To further complicate matters, the devilish general proved to be Belial. How the devil in charge of ruination of all things tolerated the archangel in charge of justice baffled me, but they accompanied a dark-haired woman in designer clothes, who contained the forces of heaven and hell with a single glare.