Page 12 of Catnapped

“My manly status as the Devil certainly helps, though.”

My safe, one of the best five-thousand-dollar investments I’d ever made, had withstood the attention of the asshole cat thieves. Gouges marked the metal where somebody had tried to get in, but my practitioner tricks and the safe’s good construction had barred them from entering. I touched the side where I’d set my magics and traced my fingers in a circle, which I sliced through to interrupt the protective spells I’d layered over the steel, iron, and other metals layered together to prevent unwanted parties from stealing my most precious property, including my cat’s adoption papers.

I cracked open the safe, smiling my satisfaction over nothing having been disturbed. I unraveled several more protections before checking my closet for my empty folder totes meant for hauling important files around the office or to an unexpected meeting, which had been tossed around but remained undamaged. It would take all three of them to unload my safe, and to make sure nobody made a mess of it, I’d take everything to a security vault, one with a reputation of being tighter than Fort Knox.

Or I could give everything to Darlene. Was anyone stupid enough to try to steal from the Devil in his many hells? If I had to deal with an hour and twenty minutes of life advice from the Lord of Lies, I may as well make the most of it and make sure nobody got their hands on my papers.

I took the adoption forms and put them in the briefcase with my laptop, which I planned to haul around with me until I could secure the documents. The rest of my critical paperwork went into my folder totes, and I took some care to organize them by type. I closed the safe and restored my protections, muttering curses under my breath while I drew the invisible patterns on the metal.

In my living room, the Devil informed the police they would photograph everything, do their best to not bother me, and promised they would receive angelic verification I’d had nothing to do with the theft of my cat and destruction of my belongings, which would be delivered by archangel within forty-eight hours.

The cops kept quiet, and when I emerged from my office, I discovered them hard at work taking pictures of everything.

Had I been in charge, we’d likely still be in the doorway arguing over the necessity of doing any investigating at all.

“Things are simple when you give clear and concise instructions,” Lucifer informed me. “My manly status as the Devil certainly helps, though.”

It annoyed me the Devil openly acknowledged how gender often played a role in how victims were treated, and that a wise woman armed herself with a pushy, stubborn, and egotistical man when she wanted to get something done without having to wage war over it.

For the most part, I’d gotten used to that facet of life, although it never failed to annoy me.

With a low, rumbling chuckle, Lucifer patted my shoulder. “It’ll be all right. Change happens slowly, but it does happen. Sometimes, it happens faster than you might like. After all, it only took my darling about five minutes to successfully conquer my many hells.”

One day, I would have to ask Darlene how she managed to conquer the Devil within five minutes. “They tried to access my safe, but they failed. That was where I was keeping Mr. Flooferson’s adoption records. Would you please hold onto it so nothing happens to it? I figure you have some secure place in your hells you can stash it for a while. The rest of the papers I’ll take to a vault for holding.”

“I can hold onto all of your paperwork. I’ve plenty of space, and doing this helps me, as you’ll remember I kept your paperwork secure when we make a future bargain.”

Bastard. “But this is a freebie. For now.”

“I will hope for beneficial terms during future bargains in exchange. And that’s just hope. You can disappoint me at your leisure.”

Despite everything, I smiled at the thought of disappointing the Devil. “All right. I’ll bring everything out here, and you can handle their security. I suspect they were after his adoption papers. It lists the lab he came from.”

“That would provide excellent motivation for them to want to break into your house and destroy your things. They were probably hoping the adoption forms were not kept in your safe.”

“Well, they managed to scratch the safe, but they did not access the contents.”

“Would you prefer if I stored your safe until this matter is completed?”

When the Devil made good offers with no strings attached, I accepted them. “Yes, please.”

He snapped his fingers, and the stench of brimstone wafted into the living room from the direction of my office. The folder totes also disappeared. “I took the liberty of snatching the adoption forms from your briefcase as well, so do not panic when they are no longer where you expect them to be.”

“All right. Once the police are done here, where are we headed?”

“I will be sending you to a hotel near the lab that originally had your cat. That way, you can start your investigation there. What they were researching is important to you and may help you learn more about who stole your cat and why. I will warn you, however, it will not be a pleasant experience for you.”

I could make a few guesses as to why. “Because I like animals and won’t like what the lab was doing?” I guessed.

“No, because you cannot adopt every feral feline that has taken over the building since it was raided and the other animals were taken to shelters and rehabilitated. If you wish to know why this happened, I will bargain with you for an additional twenty minutes of time giving you important life advice at our meeting.”

I considered crying. An hour and twenty minutes with the Devil while he prattled on about what I should do with the rest of my life would test my patience, but an hour and forty minutes might drive me to madness. Damn it, I loved my cat enough I’d deal with far more than an extra twenty minutes to help him. “All right.”

“You were likely told that the lab animals were from an official lab rehabilitation program, but your cat was taken from an illegal operation, which is why he had so many behavioral problems and was a candidate to be euthanized. It’s your job to figure everything else out. The legal lab operators don’t treat the animals in the same way, and they’re closely monitored for abuse. Your cat was abused. That is the only clue you need to understand he did not come from a sanctioned lab. That should appropriately motivate you to handle this matter. But I’ll give you a bonus piece of intel.”

Bonus intel worried me, because it meant the Devil had a vested interest in my cat and the resolution of his disappearance. “What intel?”

“You are about to become a player in a very dangerous game. Your future is hazy, which indicates everything could change based on even a single decision. There are a million possible futures created from what you do now. Do try not to screw it up. I do not have any time penned in for an unexpected End of Days right now.”