Page 83 of Grave Humor

“I feel sorry for him.”

“That is because you are a being of compassion. That is part of your role in the cycle of life and death. It is the universe’s sense of compassion that makes it bring renewal after death. You embody that compassion. It is the same reason you were willing to work with Eoghan despite the harshness of your first meeting with him.”

“Huh. And here I just thought I was attracted to arrogant assholes.”

“That is a factor in your behavior,” the archangel replied.

“I’m a mess, aren’t I?”

“You are as you need to be.”

“Why do I have a weird skull like Eoghan and Azrael? I wasn’t born in the same era.”

“Modern humans are not compatible with older species of humans. For the universe to partner you with him, it had to make you in his image—in that you are the same species of human. Were you a modern human, you could share the same bed, but you could never share the same bed and produce a child from your union. This gives you that option, and long-lived species tend to wish for children down the road to add flair to their lives. For you, being a parent will be a hard but rewarding journey.”

I understood. “We will have to watch our children die.”

“You will. But they will move from one life to the other with no fear of what it means to die. I expect Azrael will shepherd them to your Eoghan, and you will send them beyond the boundary in as much comfort as you can. It will be a sad thing, of course. Death is for those left behind—but the reward of having them is worth the pain of their loss. But you will take those souls who hurt the most in their prior life and give them a taste of what it means to be cherished. You will be fine.” The archangel turned, and aware he did have a head, I suspected he observed something in the front yard beyond my view. “The human comes. I recommend you stand close to my brother, doing so knowing you lure that one to his end. My brother will feel better handling the duty of ending that one’s existence, and Eoghan will rest easier knowing you didn’t take holy fire and use it on a mere mortal. He finds holy fire disconcerting.”

“Why?”

“It makes the souls scream.”

Ah. “Poor Eoghan.”

“My brother will be merciful—for now. But when he is taken to my brother’s many hells? My brother will erase mercy from his definition. That human has earned every moment of suffering. Then that soul will be balanced once more and returned to the mortal coil to be planted again.”

“I don’t have to actually do anything for that to happen, do I?”

“Exist,” the archangel replied.

“My job seems deceptively easy.”

“You are about to learn the truth of it. Choose how you wish this to end.”

“Is the devil’s hand the most merciful here?”

“Yes, I would say so. Death will be swift—swifter than how you would do the job yourself. Your Eoghan has no interest in mercy at this point in time.”

Right. “Isn’t he supposed to be neutral?”

“He does not do well at being neutral when it comes to you.”

I considered that and shrugged. “If the bastard touches Lady Luck, I’m shoving the weed whacker up his ass and killing him that way.”

“Fortunately for everyone here, we will not need to witness such horrors today.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am certain.”

“Instead of a scythe, can I keep the weed whacker?”

“You just want your lawn to be easy to maintain,” the archangel accused.

“Well, yes.”

“If you were to invite my brother to picnic here with his wife, we would surely show up to tease him, as it is a joy in our long lives. It seems fair if we were to help you with your lawn care should we be here for such a picnic.”