Page 55 of Grave Humor

They loved scuffing his shoes.

I laughed so hard my head hurt and I cried, but I couldn’t stop myself.

The dead really loved scuffing the bastard’s shoes or tugging on his clothes to trick him into believing his end was nigh.

Azrael yawned; while I could no longer see his head, I could hear him inhale, and he made no effort to mask his boredom. “Are you sure I can’t just remove the shroud, Lucifer? This is tedious.”

“You’re supposed to be a compassionate being.”

“I haven’t had breakfast yet.”

“You haven’t had breakfast in a few thousand years. You’ll survive for another few hours without having to annihilate any innocent mortals who happen to come by.”

“I see why He kicked you from the heavens. You’re insufferable. It’s just a few mortals.”

“I don’t want extra work sorting mortals today.”

“They’re just a few mortals.”

The devil sighed and shook his head. “They’re a few mortals you would have to shepherd due to your involvement in their deaths.”

The angel grunted. “It might be worth it.”

“There was a carving in the catacombs depicting angels, but he couldn’t see them. Why couldn’t he see it and I could?”

That caught their attention, and I could feel the angel’s gaze fall on me. “Had he seen that image, he would have been erased from that world and all others. It is not meant for human eyes.”

“But I’m a human.”

“Are you?”

I blinked, and my brows furrowed. “Well, the DNA tests say I am.”

“But are you, really?” The angel chuckled, and his laughter reminded me of a wind chime disturbed by a restless breeze. “If you were human, those carvings would have erased you from that world and all others. What you are is best left for you to discover. The journey is as important as the destination. The destination itself is of no importance. Everything you are is about what you do to get where you are going. Where you go is nothing more than a place to rest before you begin your next journey. You would do well to remember that. All journeys end, but all you need to do to begin a new journey is to take a single step forward. Death is but the conclusion of one journey and the beginning of the other, as is the End of Days. That end is also another beginning and the first step of a new journey.”

“But he seemed pretty concerned about the End of Days,” I said, pointing at Lucy.

“That is because the End of Days is a great deal of work and little play for him. It’s a war as much as it is a conclusion of all things for this world before the next begins. His journey neither begins nor ends there, for he will be among the first born in the new beginning. It will be nothing more than the blinking of an eye for him, and that annoys him. He is a true immortal, little one. When the End of Days reaches its ultimate conclusion, it will be very much like a first step into that new journey for him. Rest is not his for the taking, and while the other seeds of life slumber and wait for their new beginnings, his will be a restless spirit.”

The devil grumbled, and he stomped a foot. I realized he’d abandoned any attempts to appear truly human, exchanging feet for cloven hooves. Blue fire smoldered in cracks in the ground.

Director Hammel screamed, and I twitched at the shrill sound, checking in on the bastard.

He stood on a gravestone, and one of the undead had decided to take a bite out of his shoe. Attempting to kick the undead off did no good, as every time he managed to detach the skeletal head, it hung on while the rest of the body continued to move and restored itself. I covered my mouth and giggled. “That’s rather awful but also hilarious.”

“If this were a zombie apocalypse film, he’d be infected right now, and you’d have to put him out of his misery by the end of the film,” the devil replied with laughter in his voice. “This is only an echo of the misery he’s inflicted on others, yourself included. I’m sure you’ll start feeling guilt over his misfortunes soon enough. If it makes you feel better, he helped hide evidence that old man you so like was helped to his grave.”

I scowled at that. “I get he’s annoying, but why would so many work so hard to hide his murder? That’s not even fair.”

“More people like his wife than like him, and mortals are foolish creatures. They forget the good even the annoyances do. Well, most annoyances. That one hasn’t done much good. But, you’ll need him in the upcoming days. Don’t break him until he’s finished his final purpose.”

“What is his final purpose?” I asked.

“While that’s a most excellent question, some things are best left for you to decide—and you already know the answer if you stop to think about it for a while. It’ll be obvious soon enough. Ah. There’s your male. You should leash him. Azrael, do keep an eye on the children while they finish their play. I have work to do preparing a proper welcome for that one.”

“Only because you’re going to be particularly welcoming to that one will I do as you ask of me,” the angel replied.

The devil vanished, leaving some smoke and trails of blue fire on the ground in his wake.