Page 46 of Haven

I dropped onto the cushions of the couch in her office and covered my face with my arm as she continued her rant. There was no point arguing with her when I knew she would just yell more. I’d let her get whatever she needed off her chest, and then I’d say my piece.

Five minutes later, I looked up and there she was, standing with her arms folded across her chest. “Can I talk now?” I jabbed, and her eyes narrowed. “I wanted some pussy to drown out the screaming in my mind.” I couldn’t exactly tell her I went to see my pending future girlfriend.

“You had to go to Crestview to get it?”

“Yep.” I couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of my voice. “You put the fear of whatever God people believe in when it comes to me. No one here will touch me, because you told them I am off-limits. So I went to the bar in Crestview, met a woman, and had the best sex of my life.” I decided to tell her the OG story.

She nodded. “I’m sorry, but someone is targeting you, Rory. You went to Crestview of all places when someone there tried to shoot you!”

“You don’t think I know that?” I snapped, more aggressive than I intended. “You don’t think I’m scared? I can’t let it control me, though. I know you and everyone else will protect me, but I’m not hiding.” I took a deep breath. “I love you. I do, but I don’t need a mother, I need my sister. I’m twenty-six. I’m trained. I learned how to protect myself. I’m not that little girl anymore.”

“Rory, I will always see you as that little girl.”

“Cin, Aurora June is dead. You can’t protect something that doesn't exist. I’m here now, alive, and I won’t let anyone take me away from you again. So please, let me breathe.”

“I’ll try. I’m sorry, I just want you safe.”

“Cinder, I am safe. Let me live my life, please. You trained me well, and I know my reaction wasn’t great, but I had to process it. We can figure this out together.”

“I don’t want to lose you again,” she admitted, her voice a whisper and I could have sworn there was a tear in her eye. I stood up, pulling my sister into my arms. She wrapped hers tightly around my waist. It was something we both needed.

“No one is going to take me away from you, but I need you to stop trying to protect me from the sky falling or getting my heart broken. I want to live, and I can’t do that when I have you in the corner scaring everyone away.”

“I make no promises, but I will try.”

“That’s all I ask.”

Before I told anyone else about the nightmare I had, I wanted to talk to my therapist first. Izzy squeezed me in for an emergency session. I’d never had nightmares like this or questioned if there were other people when Jude had me in captivity. If there was someone else there, I would have known, wouldn’t I?

“How are you?”

“If I said I was okay, I would be lying.” She straightened in her chair as she opened a fresh page in her notepad. “Someone from my past is targeting me?”

“Is that a question or a statement?”

I pressed my lips together as my chest tightened. “I don’t know. Someone sent Vesper videos and covered a shipping container with pictures of me when I was with Jude.”

“Jude is dead,” she reminded me.

“Jude might be dead, but someone else isn’t.” I ran my hands down my face, falling back into the soft sofa. “I don’t remember anyone there with me. It was him and his camera.”

Izzy shifted in her chair, scribbling notes in her journal. “Did the police ever find any other victims?”

I shrugged. When I was saved, that part of my life was done. “Maybe Cinder would know, but she seemed pretty surprised herself when she saw the pictures. Maybe there was someone else? Last night I had a nightmare or…a flashback?” I groaned in frustration, feeling tears brim my eyes. “Why can’t I remember?”

“Rory, trauma affects all of us differently.”

“He…he touched me. I think?” I tried to remember, but my brain was making everything spotty. “I can’t remember. I need to remember.”

“It’s okay. Rory, you have Complex PTSD. Memory loss is common. Sometimes our minds push back details we don’t want to remember, and then at the worst times our brain drowns us with the memories.”

I scoffed. “Yeah? Well, I feel like I’m in the eye of a hurricane, because what the fuck?”

“And it is okay for you to feel that way,” she said reassuringly, her voice calm as she leaned forward, resting her notepad on her lap. “Jude isn’t coming back, but you can use what happened to you to help understand everything. I will be with you through this.”

I hated the way the universe brought Izzy into my life, but I couldn't ask for a better therapist, or friend. She made the bad days good, and listened to me purge the darkest recesses of my brain without judging. After that first doctor, I’d been petrified of finding someone else to talk to about my childhood and my trauma, but Izzy reassured me every step of the way.

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