Page 21 of Haven

“You wanna talk?”

Sometimes I loved moments with Cinder where she was just my sister. She raised me, but she wasn’t my mother, she was my sister. And I think she forgot that sometimes. We left my room to sit at the bar as Cinder made two mugs of hot cocoa, topping them with heaping piles of whipped cream and cinnamon.

“So?”

I sipped the cocoa. “You know me, Cin. I’m fine, but I'm also not fine at the same time.”

She scooped a bit of the whipped cream and pressed it against my nose, making me laugh. “I know, firefly. I wish I could take everything away.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “You know you don’t have to, right? It’s not your weight to carry because you didn’t do it. You made the darkness a lot less scary, and sometimes I wish you would believe me.”

It was tense for a moment as we sat there drinking our cocoa. We never talked about what happened, especially in the beginning. Maybe it was something we needed to, but I never wanted to live it again. “Y’know, before Mom took you, I was at the courthouse. If I never went to the courthouse and I just came home, she never would have had the chance to leave. I could’ve just…”

I reached across the counter. “Cin, she knew what you were going to do. We can’t fix the past, even if we want to. The future is bright, and we are together.”

“Yeah. No one will take you away from me again,” she said with steeled determination.

“And I won’t let them.” I took a deep breath. “So, what would you do if I decided to date?”

She arched her brow. “Who?”

“Not a Viper, so you don’t have to worry.” One day I would take that leap, but not right now. “I’m just sayin’. I’m twenty-six. I think it’s time for me to date instead of sleeping around, don't you think?”

“Okay, but I meet them. And if they hurt you, I kill them.”

It was a step. Now I had to figure out if I wanted to chase down my one-night stand or not because Hades was still on my mind, but I think Cinder’s head would explode if I brought someone from Devil territory home.

“Of course you will. I love you, Ellabella. I’m gonna try and take a nap so I can get ready for tattoo appointments tonight.”

“I love you, firefly.”

I walked into the war room four hours later after a horrible cat nap to find Vesper sitting on the island with her guitar in hand. She used to be in a band a few years back. Velvet Ecstasy was close to making it big when the main vocalist and one of Vesper’s closest friends was killed by a drunk driver. Vesper blamed herself because she was supposed to pick her up that night, but had to cancel because of an issue with her ex-boyfriend. When she got the call the next morning, she was devastated.

She never told me why she gave music up, but I assumed it had something to do with the loss of her friend. It was like watching a door reopen for her as she strummed her fingers over the guitar strings. I was awestruck watching her slowly fall back into the routine. She hummed a tune as she scribbled lyrics on a sheet of music paper before peeking up towards me.

“What are you doing, mariposa?”

“Can you play for me?”

She sighed, setting her guitar to the side. “It’s not finished, and it may never be.”

“Why?”

“I see Violet when I play, but I’m inspired.”

That caught my attention. “Inspired?”

She looked at me and smirked. “I have a muse, mariposa. Music was once healing and now it's…I’m working on dealing with it, though, so maybe I’ll sing to you one day.”

I beamed. “Your friend would’ve wanted you to do things that you enjoy. I know it sucks, but you can remember her through your songs.”

“Maybe. Music doesn’t feel the same anymore, not since Violet and James. It’s not the escape it once was.”

That was the first time in a while Vesper mentioned him. In the beginning, it was something she didn’t talk about because it made her feel weak. A man she trusted attacked her when she was grieving, no less. She came to the Vipers not long after that, and then two weeks later, James showed up at the clubhouse begging for her to take him back. Cinder shot him where he stood. Good fucking riddance.

I remember that day well.

Cinder was hovering again, and I couldn’t blame her. Only two months had passed since it happened and she was scared, but she wasn’t telling people that. Cinder wore a mask with the Vipers, but she took it off with me. She never wanted to see me like that again, and I didn’t want to feel like that. It was quiet, though. For a brief moment, nothing else mattered until I heard Cinder scream.