Page 9 of Under His Control

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An ambulance, a firetruck, and a police car arrive.

It’s like I’m at a music show with all the flashing lights and sirens. Except, I’m the one on stage, and nothing about tonight is fun or entertaining.

I thought waiting for help in my car would be better. With the broken window letting in the snow and cold, I might as well have been outside. I’m shivering as the firefighters help me out and up the embankment.

“Here you go,” says one of the paramedics as she wraps me in a blanket’s warm embrace.

The storm rages on as they quickly examine me. A police officer in a bomber jacket approaches. He introduces himself as Officer Keith Brent.

“Were you alone?” Officer Brent has to raise his voice because of the noisy wind. He holds his arm up to shield his face from the snow.

“Yes.”

“Hit anyone? Anything?”

“Just the tree.” And that’s a mercy. Hitting an animal the size of a hill dead-on would’ve been a lot worse.

“Had anything to drink?”

“No.” I wish I had one right now though.

He confirms I’m telling the truth with a breathalyzer.

“We’ll call a tow for your car once we get it checked out. Need me to contact anyone?”

Should I give him Aunt Dee’s number or Jacob’s?

I hesitate. “No.”

When the paramedics announce they’re taking me to the hospital, Officer Brent promises to meet me there to take the rest of my statement after I’ve been checked out. I’m loaded up on a stretcher and taken right back where I started—Wenora.

Antiseptic and antibacterial scents welcome me as I’m wheeled inside the well-lit building. I’m in a daze once I’m left alone in a small room.

How is this my life right now? This has to be a nightmare because my situation just keeps getting worse. Maybe if I slap myself really hard, I’ll wake up and find I never even left Toronto.

While I wait for a doctor to see me, I think back on what I said to Aunt Dee last week. She was pestering me and Kevin yet again that we needed to go to church more often.

“Young people need to have God in their lives!”

I had just made a payment on the debt and wasn’t in a good mood. Her self-righteous tone got on my nerves so I let loose without thinking.

“Maybe if God wasn’t such an asshole to those who don’t deserve it then more young people would want Him hanging around.”

Kevin snorted into his soup, but Aunt Dee was not amused. I immediately felt awful when she burst into tears. While I was hugging her in apology, she said she was afraid I would be punished for my blasphemy if I didn’t pray for forgiveness.

Well, I never did.

Now I’m wondering if she was right.

A nurse steps into the room and offers me a warm smile. She has blue highlights in her greying blonde hair and her name tag says Nurse Sasha Hamilton. She holds a clipboard to her stomach with one hand while she rubs my shoulder with the other.

“How are you feeling, honey?”

I shrug. “I’ve had better days. Like the times I got my wisdom teeth pulled.”

Her laugh fades into a sympathetic sound as she rubs my shoulder again.