Page 183 of His Surrender

I watch her shoulders tighten.

I almost let that fear take over me. Instead, I remember my father.

Don’t let fear make the decision.

“I’ve decided your employment here is ending.”

The color drains from her face.

“Oh.” She swallows. “I understand.”

“No”—I take a step toward her— “you don’t.”

She looks confused.

“I don’t want you to be Liana’s nanny anymore,” I try to clarify.

A tear slips down her cheek before she can stop it.

She nods anyway. “I said, I understand.”

I shake my head, realizing that I suck at this. “No.” I take a step closer to her. “I don’t want you to be her nanny”—I smile softly— “because I want you to be my girlfriend.”

She blinks. “What?”

“I don’t want the woman I love living in my apartment because I hired her.” I reach for both of her hands. “I want her living here because she chose me.”

She stares at me. “I don’t …”

“I’ve been selfish.” The admission comes easier than I expected. “I knew you came here looking for a graphic design career.” I nod toward her bedroom. “I knew you were sending out résumés. I hated every application.”

A tiny smile tugs at the corner of her mouth despite herself. “I know.”

“I convinced myself it was because Liana needed you.” I laugh quietly. “It wasn’t. It was because I did.”

Her eyes begin filling again.

I keep going. “I should’ve been helping you. I have contacts at half the advertising agencies in this city. I could’ve introduced you to people weeks ago, and I didn’t. Because every interview felt like another step toward losing you.”

I lower my head. “That wasn’t fair to you.”

“No,” she whispers. “It’s okay. You don’t owe me anything.”

I squeeze her hands. “It’s not because I owe you something.”

She studies my face. “Dean …”

“I also did something else today.”

“What?”

“I called a therapist.”

She goes completely still.

“I have my first appointment on Thursday.”

I continue before she can speak. “I’m not telling you this so you’ll think everything is magically fixed. I’ve spent nineteen years convincing myself I was fine. I’m not. I have trauma that I’ve never dealt with. I let it become your burden.”