Page 62 of A Reckless Indulgence

Overhead, someone crosses the floor. Lyx nearly drops the pearl again, stuffing it into her pocket as she shoves the dumbwaiter closed.

Someone moves down the stairs outside. Lyx rushes to the door and pulls back the edge of a curtain. Two of the crew members pass in front of the captain’s quarters, lingering while they chat.

Lyx tries to keep her breathing even. She has to get out of here. If Heathen comes down while the crew are outside, Lyx is absolutely fucked.

Mercifully, the crew members meander away. Lyx takes a moment to steel herself before she slips out the door and ducks behind a cluster of barrels.

Her heart thuds. She needs to distance herself. If anything is amiss in the captain’s quarters, she can’t be nearby. Pressing her back to the wall, she edges down the ship, too high on adrenaline to stay in one place for long.

Thank the Abyss it doesn’t backfire. She’s not sure she even takes a full breath until she makes it back to Cav. Her legs wobble, forcing her to lean against the railing. She shouldn’t stop here. The hatchway is a few yards away, and she can be back in her cabin, free of danger. But when she pushes back her hood, she can see over the edge of Cav’s hammock.

He’s still sleeping. His tail is still now, draped over his body and curled against his chin. His lips are parted above it, eyelashes so dark where they rest against his cheek.

Her chest tightens. This is how he looked in the grotto. Peaceful. Trusting. As if she couldn’t kill him without a second thought. In the years since then, this is what she hated to remember most: his softness. When all she wanted to feel was anger and vengeance, this image would come back to her. It reminded her of all the other things he made her feel. It reminded her of the way he looked when she pushed him away in that boat.

“What are you doing up here?”

Lyx whirls toward the voice. Of course Cypher is prowling the deck, scanning Lyx for a punishable offense.

Lyx resists the urge to dig into her pocket. Cypher doesn’t know anything. She won’t know anything. Lyx swallows her uncertainty. “Didn’t realize I was sequestered to my cabin.”

“It’s the dead of night.”

They watch each other, waiting for the other to slip. The pearl is a weight in Lyx’s pocket, and she prays the fabric of her cloak is enough to block out its light.

Cypher’s eyes narrow, finally registering Lyx’s attire. “What are you wearing?”

Lyx’s nails dig into her palm. She needs an excuse. Her words spill clumsily. “I’m here to fuck Cav.”

Cypher recoils. Lyx presses further.

“We discussed a certain — scene for his experiment. It kept me up all night. I was too impatient to wait for our next meeting.” It’s surprisingly easy to sink into this role. She tosses her hair off her shoulder and braces a hand on her hip. “Fortunately, he’s asleep, or I would have made a desperate fool of myself.”

Cypher looks like she wants to spit out a bad taste, but her mouth twists skeptically.

Lyx lifts a brow. “Would you like specifics of what we were planning, or may I go?”

Cypher’s head jerks to shake the thought away. She makes no move to stop Lyx as she descends the stairs, and when she reaches the bottom, she gives Cypher a snarky wave.

TWENTY-SIX

Lyx

The pearl is heavy in Lyx’s pocket. No matter how small it is, it weighs her down, like it could sink her and the rest of the Indulgence to the bottom of the ocean.

She’s never felt guilt. She hardly knows what it means, but that word rises to the surface of her mind like a stream of bubbles. She pops them one by one. There’s nothing to feel guilty about. Whatever Tidus does with this pearl is none of her business. All she knows is that it’ll get her song back, and it’s about time she gets to be selfish. Besides, maybe the pearl is nefarious. Maybe it’s trapping people in servitude by collecting pieces of them. Maybe Heathen and Tidus aren’t that different.

But they don’t feel the same. The tug of Lyx’s song stretches and strains across the distance, but with the pearl, Lyx feels nothing. No tie pulling her toward it, no relief at being near it. It has no control over her.

So what is it for?

The Indulgence reaches a new port at midday. It’s larger than the others, bustling with activity that immediately occupies the crew. Cypher is nowhere to be seen, probably off tormenting someone else. And Cav…

Lyx almost hopes he’ll spot her. Foolishly, she wishes that his gaze would land on her, and he would follow her and ruin her plans. It would be good for the chaos, but it isn’t to be. Cav is engrossed with Angélique, going over the stock list while crew members pass back and forth in front of them.

Lyx turns her gaze out over the harbor and catches the tail of Tidus’s flag fluttering at the far end of the docks. Her chest tightens, but this meeting will get worse the longer she puts it off. Still draped in her cloak from last night, she tugs the hood over her head and squeezes down the gangplank.

It’s easy to melt into the disarray. People’s eyes follow her until they’re distracted by barkers selling tickets, confectioners waving treats, or tavern maids hoisting trays of drinks. The longer Lyx walks, the more the excitement wanes. Bright colors and delicious scents turn to faded paint and the stench of day-old fish. Out here, the only sounds are trollers bargaining for lures and deckhands grunting as they unload shipments. A bird flies overhead. She gets the sudden, uneasy sense that someone is watching her.