Page 45 of Her Sloth

13

CASS

PLAYLIST: PLAYLIST: APOLOGIZE – TIMBALAND, ONEREPUBLIC

“You are a fucking idiot,” Nikki tells me as she sits on the stairs.

“Shut up.”

“Not happening.”

“How much did you hear?”

“Everything. And I say this as a family: you are just as much of an idiot as her. How would you react if I tell you it’s your choice between misery and a life of your dreams? Because it is. You have been brooding for months, pissing everyone off. It’s just a super easy choice; you just stop.”

“Fuck you.”

“See,” Nikki says. “Same reaction as her.”

I groan.

“You’re black and white,” says Nikki and rubs over my back. “She’s like every shade in between. Things aren’t that easy, especially not with the emotional ones, like her.”

“You don’t even know her.”

“I know enough.”

“Oh yeah?” I ask aggressively, not requiring an answer.

“She was arrested fifteen times; the charges?” Nikki asks, not waiting for my answer.

“Speeding. Trespassing on private property to save a woman’s life, no charges. Trespassing on a federal building where she hung a banner with friends calling out the injustice of separating an immigrant family from young children, charged and bailed. Trespassing on private property in seven more cases, one of which involved stealing a stolen car, which was later returned to its original owner. More speeding, one without charges because it saved the life of a pregnant woman’s baby. One case of aggravated assault with dropped charges because she was in defense of her friend who got assaulted by a stalker. And, last but not least, the misdemeanor from illegal street race in three cases.”

I stare at Nikki with wide eyes.

“How did you find that out?”

“She’s a public figure, C. The internet knows everything.”

“I didn’t know⁠—“

“Because you act and don’t think,” Nikki says. “She’s one of the good ones. Doing what she can. Caught between worlds, probably alone. Where would you be without us, and if you had others constantly decide for you what to do?”

“I would have left.”

“But what if she can’t? She has nowhere to go, and you know how that world works. Look what happened to Elli; her father flicked a finger, and she had to obey. It’s a different world, but that makes her problems just as real as ours. They are just different.”

Nikki’s words need a moment until I process them.

“Fuck,” I breathe out as I understand what I couldn’t see. What’s even worse, and Nikki is unaware of, is what state she is in. What happened. And I sent her back—back into taking away the one thing that meant something to her.

“I need to go,” I say and jump up, running to my car.

There is only one place she mentioned where I could find her.

Please, please, please be there, I send as a prayer. I cannot have someone else die around me, cannot feel the guilt of having caused yet another death.

I brake in front of the Four Seasons hotel with screeching tires, jump out, and run inside.