Page 69 of Smoke Signals

“Stellan?” I call quietly.

No answer.

I sit up and listen. His voice drifts faintly from the kitchen now, low and relaxed. He must be talking with his parents.

I stand and head down the hallway, planning to grab the water myself if he forgot. I slow when I hear Julia’s voice.

“Alaska’s wonderful,” she says softly.

I pause without meaning to.

Stellan laughs quietly. “Yeah. She is.”

“Hartley too.”

I should walk away from this doorway…I don't.

“Hartley’s…he’s different. I’m the first man he’s ever dated. It’s new and exciting, and I really enjoy being around them.”

“You love them,” Julia continues, calm and certain.

Stellan exhales slowly. “Mom.”

“Don’t dodge me.”

“It’s fast,” he says. “It’s been weeks, not years.”

“So?”

“So it can’t be love…right? That takes more time then we’ve had.”

There’s a soft sound of something being set down on the counter.

“You already feel it,” she says. “I can see it on your face.”

Another pause, then Stellan sighs.

“I love them.”

The words hit me before I can move.

They knock the air out of me. My hand tightens against the hallway wall like I need something solid to stay upright. I should go back to the couch…give them privacy.

Instead I stand there frozen while my brain tries to process what I just heard.

Love.

The word echoes in my head, because loving someone means risking losing them.

Lance flashes through my memory without warning. My brother laughing across the kitchen table, the sound of his voice the last time we talked, and the call that told me he wasn’t coming home.

My throat tightens.

I step backward quietly and slip out the front door onto the porch. The night air hits my lungs sharp and cold. I grip the railing and stare out at the quiet street.

Footsteps sound behind me a minute later. The porch light spills across the boards when the door opens.

“Hey,” Stellan says softly.