Page 66 of When Ashes Fall

“I believe your mother did find out about us some other way; I don’t know how, but I don’t think it was you,” I told her.

She blinked at me as if she were trying to make sure I wasn’t a hallucination. “Why do you believe me now?”

I pondered how to answer this. When I settled into this chair, I hadn’t expected the conversation to take this turn. A part of me wanted to doubt her because that’s what I’d done for years, but if I were honest with myself, I believed her.

“I watched you go through your Needing; you’re not like the other casters,” I said.

“I already told you that.”

“And I could tell you the many horrific things your mother and the other casters told me… about you… while they had me imprisoned, raped, and tortured. I’m sure you can understand it took some time for me to move past that.”

She winced and squeezed her eyes shut before opening them again. “I can,” she whispered.

“I won’t tell you those things; they’re better left in the past.”

I stared into the fire as my claws dug into my hands. Blood welled in my palms as rain and wind battered the cabin.

“She put you there because of me,” she whispered.

“My choices put me there; we both knew what we were doing could destroy us.”

“I thought about you every day. I spent countless hours plotting a way to save you and then imagining that once I did, we’d run away together as we’d planned. It was the only thing that got me through all those years.”

“I spent countless hours plotting how to ruin you.”

She winced again and pulled her hands away from the fire. I didn’t like that she looked much smaller and more fragile than I’d ever seen her before.

“I bet you spent a fair amount of time wishing you never met me,” she said.

“I did,” I admitted. “But not now.”

“I’m still the reason you lost everyone and everything you knew. I’m the reason your kingdom is cursed.”

“And that is also because of my choices. Were we reckless and foolish when we were younger? Yes. But we were in it together.”

And if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change anything.

I kept that astonishing realization to myself. My kingdom was in ruins, and I’d spent seven years as a plaything for the casters. I should want everything to be different, but I didn’t.

Before the harem, I’d experienced the only true happiness I’d ever had in my life… with her. I’d loved and been loved in return. We’d healed each other, made each other stronger, and given more to each other than we took.

Because of Briar, I knew what it was like to feel true joy, and while things had gotten completely fucked-up, I could still recall what that felt like.

If I could change anything, I would have taken her away sooner, so none of this would have happened. And Marina still would have cursed Wildwood.

Once she and my father realized we were missing, they would have put the pieces together and turned on each other like rabid dogs. And then they would have hunted us to the ends of the kingdoms… wherever that was.

I would have kept her safe from them and gone so far away that none of this would have mattered. Those plans were selfish, especially since many would have died in the fallout from our actions, but we’d both been too young, too in love, and too foolish to consider the consequences. We’d only been focused on us and our freedom.

“My mother did awful things to you.”

“You’re not your mother,” I told her.

“I know.” Her haunted eyes met mine. “She’s going to come for me.”

“Without their collective power to back them up, the casters won’t go against the tribunal.”

“You underestimate how much my mother hates me and wants to see me suffer. My mother placing you in the harem had more to do with me than her catching us together. She knew she sliced me to pieces by doing that to you. You were caught up in her wrath.”