Page 131 of When Ashes Fall

He’d never forgive me, and my punishment would be awful.

Removing the glass capsules from my pocket, I rose and slapped them against the table. A steaming mist erupted from them; it billowed into Knox’s face before he could recoil from it. The potent odors of vinegar and wormwood filled the air, but beneath their aroma lay the faint traces of lavender and nettle.

The sleeping potion had slowed Knox; this one would stop him from shifting… I hoped. If he were at full strength, it probably wouldn’t do anything, but I’d weakened him with the sleeping brew, and he couldn’t evade the mist.

He coughed as he inhaled it, and in doing so, he picked one of his hands off the table. The fur and claws were gone, but his orange eyes burned through the mist as he glowered at me.

When he lunged at me, his knees buckled and he hit the ground. I tried not to feel anything as I stared down at him, but guilt, regret, and sorrow filled me over what I’d done, what we’d lost, and everything we’d never have.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I set a letter by his outstretched hand. “But I can’t stay. You’ll destroy me.”

When Knox grunted in response, I realized he wasn’t asleep yet. I removed more capsules from my other pocket; they were a mix of shift suppressants and sleeping mist. I dropped them on the ground next to his face and stepped over him as their mist filled the air.

I placed another letter in Lyra’s lap and walked on to the kitchens, where I discovered the sprites sprawled around the room and sleeping soundly. I placed a third letter with Zephyr and my final one on the island near Bertie; it was for all the sprites.

Once finished, I gathered the small sword and dagger I’d discovered in a study. They were more decorative but sharp enough to kill someone if necessary.

I’d hidden them under my clothes before stashing them inside the grand piano in the music room, along with a green cloak that would help me blend in with the woods. No one ever played the instrument.

I strapped the weapons to my side, tied the cloak around my neck, and walked out of the castle with Gizzi on my shoulder. In the inside pocket of the cloak, I’d hidden a vial of another potion. Before leaving, I reassured myself it remained there.

Once outside, I went to the stable to saddle Magnazius. Stealing Knox’s horse only added insult to injury, but I’d formed a bond with him and trusted him to get me to Terra.

“I need to go to Terra,” I told Magnazius as I mounted him and pulled the hood up on my cloak. “I have the map memorized.”

“I know how to get there.”

That was better than I could have imagined. “Then let’s go.”

As he walked, I pulled out the other vial, uncapped it, and sprinkled some over myself, Gizzi, and Magnazius. I was sure that Knox would know I’d gone to Terra, but this potion would change our scents and make it harder for him to track us.

If necessary, I could also cast a glamour to change my appearance, but I didn’t want to arrive in Terra as someone else. The last thing they needed was that much of a reminder that I was a caster.

I didn’t look back as I steered Magnazius around the back of the castle and to the door in the wall that I exited through when harvesting the willowcap mushrooms. Careful to keep Magnazius off the earth moss, I opened the door and led the horse outside before closing it behind me.

I glanced at the sky in search of the shadow dragon, but didn’t see him anywhere. That didn’t mean anything; he could split into hundreds of shadows, be all around me, and I’d never know it.

If he did come for me, I hoped Knox’s brand would offer me some protection from the dragon, but there were no guarantees. Maybe he’d recognize me from the cemetery. But it didn’t matter if he did or not; I wasn’t turning back.

Unwilling to put Wildwood at risk, I’d only given a low dose of the sleeping potion, which meant I only had two, maybe three hours before the shifters woke and Knox started hunting me. Given the depths of Knox’s power, it could be less time before he woke.

I didn’t look back at the castle as Magnazius trotted into the forest. Wildwood, Knox, and this place were all a part of my past. My future lay ahead, though I had no idea where it would lead me.

There was still somewhere I had to go first. I steered Magnazius through the trees and on toward Archie’s grave. I didn’t have much time, but I had to say goodbye to the boy.

“You’re back!” Archie squealed into my head.

“I’m back,” I said. “But I can’t stay. I have to leave. I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.”

Cool air brushed against my arm. “Are you coming back?”

The sad hope in his voice caused tears to prick my eyes. “No. I can’t stay anymore. I have to go, but I’ll carry you with me in my heart. I know that’s not much, but it’s all I can do.”

“Oh.” The cold air drifted away. “Be safe.”

“I’m sorry, Archie, I truly am.”

He didn’t reply. A tear slid down my face as I nudged Magnazius, and he plodded into the woods before breaking into a trot.

I wiped the tear away as I lifted my chin. I couldn’t stay, and I couldn’t save everyone. I wasn’t sure I could save myself, but I was going to try.

It’s time to be the thorn, Briar, I reminded myself.

And that’s exactly what I’d become.