Page 121 of When Ashes Fall

Everything about him was so rigid against me, including the erection prodding my belly. He’d denied himself the chance to mark me, but he still wanted to fuck me. And Gods help me, I wanted it too.

Tipping my head back, I stared at the ceiling as I took a deep breath while trying to ignore the growing ache between my thighs. I hated this man, yet I still desired him, and I hated myself for it.

My desire made me weak. He made me weak.

But as he clung to me like I was his lifeline, I realized I made him weak too. The loss of a mate could cripple a shifter… if it didn’t kill them.

I couldn’t remain in Wildwood. I refused to stay with this man whose emotions swung back and forth faster and more often than a pendulum. He wanted to claim me today; tomorrow, he might decide to throw me out on my ass or lock me in the tower again.

He’d been so quick to believe the worst in me when the roses were dying and to send me back to my room. I’d lived my entire life without any certainty for my safety; leaving Wildwood wouldn’t guarantee my welfare, but I’d at least have control over my life for the first time.

Now that I had an escape plan, I wasn’t going to change my mind, but I hungered for him. I should go; I couldn’t move.

“You’re my mate.”

His words were a knife to my chest. This man was an asshole, but he was also, at one time, the greatest love of my life. The only love of my life.

“I’ve done a lot of things wrong in this world, but bringing you here wasn’t one of them,” he said.

I didn’t dare speak for fear of setting off the beast, but I yearned to ask him if he said that because I’d saved the roses and trees from the gorman. Although, he had to realize bringing me here was also what brought the gorman to Wildwood.

My mother didn’t succeed in taking me from Wildwood, so she decided to destroy what remained of the cursed kingdom instead. Yet, he didn’t blame me, but I was sure he blamed himself.

“I need you,” he rasped.

Knox wasn’t a good man anymore, but he wasn’t evil either. He was just… lost and had the giant burden of saving Wildwood on his shoulders.

And while that didn’t excuse any of what he’d done or his lack of apology, I understood him more because of it.

I shouldn’t have come here tonight. However, I couldn’t leave without seeing him one last time. In truth, I’d known what I was coming here for tonight… a final goodbye, even if he didn’t know that’s what it was.

I’d loved him for years, I’d love him forever, and after this, he’d finally have a reason to distrust me. My stomach flip-flopped at the reminder of what I was going to do; if he found out, he’d lock me away for good.

More than that, I was going to hurt him. He’d deny it and would never admit it, but I would hurt him when I left, and the knowledge hurt me.

“I don’t want to be claimed,” I told him. “Not now. Maybe with time. Give me time.”

“Time,” he murmured into my hair.

“Time.”

When he brushed back some of my hair, his fingers lingered over the scars from his bite.

“Knox…”

My words trailed off as his lips found my shoulder. The heat of his mouth seared all the way down to my toes, and I couldn’t deny the firestorm his kiss created within me.

In the cabin, our joining was far from tender, but here, the gentleness of his kiss unnerved me far more than having him nearly mark me against my will. When he nipped my shoulder before soothing away the discomfort with his tongue, my eyes closed and a small sound of bliss escaped.

His fingers bit deeper into my back as he tried to pull me closer, but it was impossible to get closer… unless he was inside me. My core constricted at the memory of what he felt like as he filled me.

His lips found the curve of my jaw before moving across my throat to the other side. I didn’t know when the spell I’d brought to life faded from my fingers, but it was gone when I slid my arms around his back.

I relished the way his thick, corded muscles bunched beneath my hands. He was so powerful and everything to me. He always had been, he always would be… even when I hated him.

Tears burned my eyes. One final goodbye, that’s what this was. I wouldn’t let my heart get involved, but his well-known scent dug into my soul, pulling forth memories of love and a time when I was cherished and safe.

The familiar feeling of his body and arms enveloped me in a shroud of security. He was far larger than when we were kids running through No Man’s Land, but it was still him.