Page 87 of Postscript

‘How much of the table do you want me to capture?’ I ask. ‘Zoom in on you and we could be anywhere, which defeats the purpose of this room. Zoom out and I capture the table and it’s obvious you’re at a table by yourself.’

He blinks. Looks lost.

I decide. ‘I can get the flowers in this way. On one, two …’ I give him the nod.

He lifts his champagne glass and grins. ‘Hello, Monkey Face. My darling Eva. I’m honoured to be here with you on your special day. You look so beautiful. And this man—’

I must make a face because he stops. ‘Did I say something wrong?’

I stop filming. ‘No. Why?’

‘You made a face.’

I shrug. ‘Ignore my face. Concentrate on your speech. Go again.’

‘My darling monkey face Eva. I’m honoured to be here—’

‘OK.’ I obviously did make a face because the same thing annoyed me the second time. I lower the phone. ‘Eva is a one-year-old now, I get that you call her monkey face, but do you think you’d be calling her that on her wedding day?’

He thinks about it. ‘It’s funny?’

‘She might not – remember – that you called her monkey face. This is going to be at least twenty years away.’

‘Right.’ He clears his throat. ‘My darling Eva, I’m so happy to be here on your special day. You look so beautiful in your dress—’

‘What if she’s not wearing a dress?’

‘Every bride wears a dress.’

‘In 1952 they did.’

He looks at me, confused.

‘She could be wearing a bikini on a beach, or in an Elvis suit in Vegas. You’ve no idea what she’s wearing. You’re probably going to appear on a screen in a room. People are going to be shocked. Moved. Confused. Imagine how Eva will feel. You sharing your sentiments is enough, don’t be too specific because if you get it wrong it will feel … off.’

‘OK. Yeah. Good point.’

He starts again. ‘Hello, my darling Eva. I’m delighted to be with you on your special day and even though I can’t be with you in person I’m raising a glass to you from the best seat in the house. I’d like to congratulate the groom. I hope this guy knows how lucky he is—’ His smile fades. Irritation. ‘What now?’

I stop filming again.

‘What if she doesn’t marry a guy?’

He rolls his eyes.

‘Think about it. She’s one and she may seem terribly heterosexual to you,’ I say sarcastically, ‘But she will change. If she’s marrying a woman, you saying this will actually spoil the entire wedding.’

I’m irritating him but he gathers himself and starts again.

It’s all going well until. ‘As the father of the bride, on behalf of me and Claire.’

I stop recording. ‘Paul,’ I say gently.

‘What?’ he snaps.

I walk towards him. We’re running out of time. Time for me to speak.

‘Please allow me to speak freely.’