Page 49 of Make You Beg

MADDY

ONE MONTH LATER - 18 YEARS OLD

People always leave.

They change. Forget. They get busy.

It’s been four weeks since I started college, and I can’t say I’m not disappointed, but I think I’m coming to terms with it. Kira and Jasmin have no intention of contacting me, no matter how long we’ve been friends. I have proof right in front of my eyes—the messages I’ve sent them have gone unanswered.

It’s okay. Jordan’s nice enough, and even though we’re different in all aspects, I enjoy spending time with her. While she’s super outgoing, I’m calm and shy. I don’t open up a lot, and she’s been telling me all about her private life. Like how she’s been hooking up with one of the guys from the hockey team, and how glad she is that her vibrator days are over, because she recently fried hers.

I usually nod when she talks to me about things like this, or laugh, pretending to be in on the joke.

I don’t make any mention of my lack of experience and experimentation in the intimacy department.

Kayden has been letting me adapt and keeping his distance. He’s joined the hockey team and spends most of his time with the jocks.

I welcome the lack of bullying and distraction, because I’ve been trying to do my best in my courses and focus on what’s important. Still, that little voice inside my head screams ‘look at me’ every time we cross paths in the halls or share a class, begging for his attention. The car rides are insufferable.

“God, I need to start hooking up, too.”

I don’t realize I’ve said it out loud until Jordan cracks a laugh.

“You absolutely should. This is college, girlie. Don’t let the best years of your life go to waste.” We’re sitting in the cafeteria, grabbing a quick lunch before our next class.

“I mean, what have you been doing until now?”

“Umm…” How do I tell her that my dating life hasn’t been anything exciting, that in fact, I did not date throughout high school, and I barely have any experience, without sounding lame?

“You and your wand?” She raises an eyebrow.

“Y-yeah,” I whisper, hoping I sound convincing.

Jordan grabs a bite of her Caesar salad. “I’m so glad my dog days are over. I love my vibe and my hands, but I love having a man ready to pin me against a wall any time I want more.” She pauses. “Or you know…Let him go to town on me whenever I’m too tired to participate. Hand cramps no more!”

“Totally.” I take the biggest bite I can from my tuna sandwich. “Men make things so easy sometimes.”

God, I’m so pathetic. All I do is have forbidden fantasies about my stepbrother, who has no interest in me, given that I’ve already seen him driving around multiple times with girls from campus in his red Porsche.

Not that anything could happen, even if he wasn’t hooking up with others.

I’m sick. That’s what I am. There’s no doubt in my mind.

Hooking up with someone myself is the best thing I can do.

God, Jordan can probably see right through me. I bet my inexperience is obvious.

“They do. And this is college, girl. You should hurry up and snatch someone. Get yourself a fuck buddy to help you with your biology classes.”

“I am not taking any biology classes.”

“You know what I mean.” Jordan winks at me. “It never hurts.”

“I’m okay.” I shrug, then change my mind. “But if you have anyone to introduce me to, or maybe one of your fuck buddy’s friends…”

Jordan’s face lights up. “I may. But I’ll have to vet them first. Let me get back to you on that.”

“Cool.”