Page 85 of Scoring Chance
It’s been awkward between us since…that night.
The night I turned him down.
It wasn’t supposed to be like that. I wasn’t supposed to feel this tight pull in my chest every time I look at him, wasn’t supposed to catch myself watching the way his hand grazes Lulu’s shoulder or how his eyes crinkle when Dean makes another dumb joke. I wasn’t supposed to want more.
So, yeah, I pushed him away. And now things remain complicated.
We’ve been living in this weird gray area that’s new for us. We’re not the kind of friends who leave things unsaid. I want to be with Tanner, but I’m terrified of breaking his heart—which would mean breaking the heart of four wonderful kids, too.
“Daddy, can we go to the ring toss?” Lulu tugs at Tanner’s hand, her face sticky with remnants of cotton candy.
“Sure, sweetheart.” Tanner’s voice is easy, but his eyes flick to me for a brief second. It’s subtle, but the tension’s there, hanging heavy between us. He adjusts the collar of his flannel shirt, trying to act normal, but I see the faint strain in his jaw.
Like many parents in shaky marriages, we smile for the kids, though.
Tanner tries his hand at the ring toss while I cheer him on with Lulu on my shoulders. I pat his back here and there for support. Tanner wins her a little Smurf stuffed animal that feels like a gold medal at the Olympics tonight and will gather dust by tomorrow.
“Hey.” Tanner turns to me in a brief moment. “I have some good news,” he says with a heavy cloud over him. “I have an interview with this company next week. MedTech. They seem very excited about having me.”
“That’s great!” I muster partial enthusiasm, but it feels so out of place against the seriousness in Tanner’s voice. “Is it a good job?”
“Yeah. Seems like a nice place to work. The woman I spoke with who’d be my boss seems nice. So if I get this job, it means I can put the kids on my insurance plan once I start.”
Oh. That’s the other shoe dropping.
“We can get our marriage annulled in maybe a month. Have things go back to normal.” Tanner pats my shoulder, the most bro-y, platonic move two men can do.
“Great,” I say.
“I know it’s abrupt. We said this was just until I could get a new job. We can keep things quiet until Stan makes his choice for creative director.”
“Yeah. Of course. We knew this was coming. And I’m glad it is.” I nod at my friend. “Congratulations.”
If all goes according to plan, in a month, our marriage will be over. All this, this whole life of chaos will be done. No more carnivals and making breakfast. No more sharing a bed. No more messy, cluttered house.
But I can tell that this is what Tanner wants. He wants his life back, and I guess I do, too. I’m not going to put a damper on tonight and give Lulu a shitty core memory. The big thing I’ve learned about being a parent is smiling through the pain.
“Where to next?” I ask Lulu, squatting down to her eye level. She’s currently ensconced with her Smurf.
“Hmmm.” She lets the Smurf whisper into her ear. “We want to go on the flying airplane ride.”
“Awesome!” I give her and the Smurf a high-five. “I’ll catch up with you.”
I let them drift toward the booth while I hang back, trying to breathe through the noise and chaos. My phone buzzes—work emails piling up, more pressure about the Silq Cosmetics pitch coming up—but I ignore it. For once, I need to focus on this…fake family…that doesn’t feel so fake.
I scan the crowd, eyes drifting toward the rows of tents and booths. That’s when I spot him—Matthias. Lena’s boyfriend.
Or supposed boyfriend.
Shouldn’t he be hanging out with his girlfriend?
He’s by the edge of the school grounds, half-hidden between two food trucks. He’s talking to some tall guy in a hoodie, the kind of guy who looks like he either sells burner phones…or something worse.
My stomach tightens.
The guy hands Matthias a wad of cash, which he quickly counts and stuffs in his back pocket. Matthias pulls a brown paper bag from his backpack and quickly hands it over. The guy darts out of sight.
I knew it. That sweater vest didn’t fool me for a second.
