Page 58 of This Time Around

We go back to being silent, and stay on the phone for a long time.

I hear a muffled voice from the speakers in the background. He’s at work.

“Do you need to go?” I ask, hoping the answer is no.

“Not yet. I’m on call, so I was just resting in the on-call room. They’re not paging me.” I can hear the light smile in his voice.

“You should rest.”

“B, being on the phone listening to your breath is the most rested I have been since I left.” This makes a small smile tug at my lips.

We go back to being silent, listening to the steady beat of each other’s breath. The melody lulls me into a peaceful sleep.

Luke

Idrifted in and out of the most peaceful broken sleep I have ever experienced, sitting on the phone with my B. I was so at peace, and wanting to just hear her breath, and have her in any way I can.

I got a page at 5:15. Not wanting to wake her, I sent her a text letting her know I was going back to work, but would think about her all day. I am not sure what last night meant, and I don’t want to push or make her feel like she has to talk or not talk. I want her to come around in her own time.

I’m exhausted, but feel more relaxed, more at ease, than I have in almost a week. Before I leave work I want to check on Adam.

It’s still early in the morning, only 7:15, so I don’t want to wake him. I stop at the nurses’ station instead. Who am I kidding? I wouldn’t go in even if he was awake. I never will. He doesn’t even know I check on him. Lucy, the charge nurse, looks at me with a big smile as I approach. She knows exactly why I’m here.

“Why the smile?” I ask, taken slightly off guard. She rarely smiles. She’s distant. Cold, most likely a front to make her job bearable. Working with critical patients can take a toll on you after a while.

“They moved him out of the ICU last night. You’re officially on the wrong floor, Doc.” She smiles, and it’s so contagious I find a smile spreading across my face as well.

“That’s great. Great news.” I am overjoyed.

Neither one of us is bubbly. There is no need for more conversation. I give her a wave and head to the elevator.

Thankfully, the ride down the elevator is quick. I can’t wait to get home. The doors slide open and the smell of coffee from the cart invades my senses. I rarely drink coffee at the end of an overnight shift, but today, I got little sleep, and I know feeling rested and being rested are two very different things. I need a little pick me up for the drive home-my temporary home, not the one where my girl is.

The barista hands me my cup, and when I turn around to leave I come face to face with Cash. His shoulders tense, and I follow in response. For a second, we exchange silent stares, heavy and unspoken, as we continue in each other’s direction.

He takes a rugged breath as we pass each other, and I hear a faint whisper as our shoulders brush. “I’m not after her.”

I pause. “No, you don’t have to be. You have her. Right?” He just shakes his head and turns in the direction he was going. “You better not hurt her. She’s my sister Cash,” I yell after him, but he doesn’t acknowledge my words.

After he takes a few more steps, he turns on his heels and heads back in my direction. He waits until he gets close enough to whisper before he speaks, “Listen, what you think you saw with April is too much to unpack right now, but I know Blake hates me, and by default you do, too. But the shitty fucking thing is, she hates me for no fucking reason.”

“No reason? What a joke.” He gauges my expression, which is flat. When he speaks, this time, it’s above the hushed whisper he previously spoke with, clearly a little more confident.

“Luke, I’m not fucking joking. I don’t have any idea why she’s so pissed. Enlighten me.”

He waits, and I realize he means it. He has no idea why she’s so upset with him.

“She said the morning after you hooked up she overheard you talking shit about her not being game day material or some shit.” I roll my eyes. “What does that even fucking mean?”

He stares at me thoughtfully for a moment, clearly replaying that encounter in his head. “Betty!” Something clearly dawns on him. “I was talking about the new bat I bought, Luke. Who the hell would refer to a woman like that?” he questions.

“Who refers to their bat like a woman?” I probe.

“Same kind of guys who name their cars and boats.”

Fair.

“What about when you called her a fucking bitch at the hospital?” I ask.